tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157589404987115282024-03-06T12:02:41.349-08:00Cancer God's WayThe Incredible Power of HopeBrenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-91369117350954517982012-01-23T10:16:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:32:02.129-07:00FOREWORD<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE5IhKGG1KolAmKkTmwcB_i2_tQhRlf08LJSjFZjeHwAnwjGR1K-ms1G1zG3Jc-7gy0UpNhIEeJB5-2ZpgrDQLtF8EY0kmZ0jk3FMvRP78TNZ9OK-UxNze0VrxFZgBb5Po3HwsTuvfMQ/s1600/me.bmp"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5713140152408286850" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE5IhKGG1KolAmKkTmwcB_i2_tQhRlf08LJSjFZjeHwAnwjGR1K-ms1G1zG3Jc-7gy0UpNhIEeJB5-2ZpgrDQLtF8EY0kmZ0jk3FMvRP78TNZ9OK-UxNze0VrxFZgBb5Po3HwsTuvfMQ/s320/me.bmp" style="float: left; height: 180px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
I am a woman who has experienced many trials in this life and has seen the faithful hand of God on her life time and time again. I am acquainted with the paralyzing fear that tries to grip your soul when a spouse walks out of your life, a child moves thousands of miles away, a parent dies, or a doctor gives you a death sentence of your own.<br />
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This book is written from a broken and contrite spirit in hopes to offer you encouragement and to help you dream again even in the midst of your trials.<br />
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<strong>TIME LINE UPDATE</strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">August 1999</span> </strong>Married right out of high school, in 1999 I suddenly found myself divorced after 20 years of marriage. Now I was a single mom with two teenagers, no job and wondering what I was supposed to do now. I hadn't worked outside of the home for over 20 years. Being instantly thrust into a life of rejection, betrayal and major anger issues (not to mention great financial struggles, and everyday trials like malfunctioning cars, hot tubs and furnaces); life was suddenly very different and my lack of knowledge and resources were a daily reminder of my inadequacies and my dependency on others. My first real dilemma was “what do you put on a resume after being a stay-at-home mom for over twenty years?”<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">September 1999</span></strong> My daughter went to college, our two Belarusian boys (who visited for the past five summers as a part of the Children of Chernobyl program) flew back home to Belarus and my son, Josh moved in with his father two states away. I got my first job (in 20 years) working in a candy factory; making minimum wage. What a slap to my self esteem as I was now doing the exact same thing I did twenty years earlier when I found out I was pregnant with our first child and we decided I should be a stay-at-home mom. The confusion and anger were difficult to control as I asked God “why.” I had lost everything; my marriage, my children, my financial security, my home, my lifestyle… everything!<br />
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Making only minimum wage I wasn’t able to keep up with all the bills and my beautiful log house (with a Jacuzzi in the master bedroom) was scheduled for sheriff sale. But God helped the house to sell to the first person who looked at it. The house sold and I became homeless all in one day. The following day a woman came into the church office to “bless someone with her mobile home.” When I first looked at this FREE 10x50 mobile home, I snobbishly refused to live in such a ‘little shoebox.’ A few days later the Lord reminded me of my earlier prayer about ending up in a cardboard box by the river. He said, “If you end up in a cardboard box by the river, it’s because you CHOSE to live there!” I immediately called the woman offering the free trailer and agreed to take it. That little shoebox became a place where I would spend quality time in God’s presence. All these years later, I still have fond memories of my 1 ½ years spent in my beloved shoebox.<br />
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Later I moved back into the same mobile home park where I lived 20 years earlier in my first marriage. When I asked the Lord why I should have to go back to square one after so many years, He spoke to my heart and said, “This time we’re doing it MY way.” From that moment on I chose to look at my life as an adventure, something new, something God was going to do for me and I chose to believe that since He was in control this time - it was going to be good.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">December 2000</span></strong> My divorce was final on my son’s 16th birthday. I was sued for child support and they garnished my wages; automatically deducting $286 out of my $400 paychecks every two weeks. During this time I would cry out to God and ask Him “How much more?! What else can possibly be stripped from my life? Haven’t I already lost enough?! When will this end?”<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">July 6, 2001</span></strong> It was during my struggle with losing so much that I lost one of the most precious things I had in my life; my Dad (and best friend). He passed away from Carcinoid Cancer at the age of 61. About this same time I was diagnosed with Spasmodic Dysphonia. An incurable, rare disease the restricts speech. Instead of vibrating, my vocal chords spasm causing broken speech and airway. Increased stress, increases symptoms. There is no known cause for SD. Many doctors believe it can be brought on by stress. Well hello! <br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">September 14, 2001</span></strong> My daughter, Chrissy continued her education in California and I found myself putting her on the first flight in America traveling to California on 9-14-01. Just three days after the 9-11-01 attacks. Most airports re-opened on September 14 but it wasn‘t until the end of October before everything could fly again. Bomb squads and army men escorted a hand full of us through the airport; still unsure of how safe it really was to begin flying again. The fear that gripped my heart was breathtaking and I was frantic to have to put her on an airplane in fear of yet another terrorist attack. My pride for her willingness to go was the only thing that allowed me to let her go. We both knew it was a God-thing.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">December 31, 2001</span></strong> I was reunited with a long time friend, began dating, became engaged and planned to marry on October 19, 2002. After purchasing everything from my wedding gown to the mint dishes (and mints!), the Lord asked me to sacrifice this relationship just as He had asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. For several months, I absolutely refused and lived a miserable existence. Finally I was obedient and called the wedding off. Shortly thereafter, the relationship fell apart and I found myself alone once again.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">October 31, 2002</span></strong> I was hired at my church doing what I love to do; designing and writing as the Publication Manager. It seemed things were finally beginning to look up. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever walk into a job that I would love going to every morning. I was convinced that I had wasted my life being a stay-at-home mom for over twenty years and I would never be accepted for a job that was more than flipping burgers or waiting tables. I thought it took years and years to work up the ladder toward your dream job. Obviously God had other plans. <br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">Friday, February 13, 2004</span></strong> I received a devastating terminal (stage four) Carcinoid Cancer diagnosis; the same type of cancer that took my father’s life a little over two years prior. At my initial doctor's appointment, I was told to get my affairs in order because I only had approximately three months to live. <br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">June 24, 2004 (four months later)</span> </strong>The doctor gave me a glimpse of hope with a Clinical Trial and scheduled me to begin treatment on June 24th. Three days prior to beginning the treatments the Trial was shut down because patients were experiencing ‘sudden death.’ From this point on, the doctors offered no cure for my condition and would only talk about ‘quality of life’ and ‘keeping me comfortable’.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">September 10, 2004</span></strong> God miraculously touched my body and began healing me of Carcinoid Cancer.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">September 2005</span></strong> I met the man of my dreams at a Single’s Meeting (Joseph J. Lantini, Jr.). The singles picnic was the last place in the world I wanted to be. But I promised the girls at work I would go for a few moments. I had no idea the Lord was about to change my life forever.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">October 2005</span></strong> Our relationship progressed but I remained in fear of yet another failed relationship. As I traveled to Florida with some girlfriends, I prayed the Lord would let me know before I returned home a week later if this relationship with Joe was from God or not. On my last day in Florida, (much to my surprise) God confirmed our marriage by writing J-O-E in the sand for me! I knew from that moment on that Joe was the man God had intended me to be with and I never walked in fear of rejection and/or betrayal again.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">December 2005</span></strong> Joe and I were engaged on Christmas Eve at my place when he hid my engagement ring in a new coat he had bought me for Christmas. Immediately following his proposal we went to minister to two little girls whose mom was incarcerated. As we handed them gifts and prayed over them, I knew God had truly heard every prayer I had ever prayed concerning the man of my dreams.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">June 24, 2006</span></strong> (Exactly 2 years to the day of the cancelled Clinical Trial that would have killed me) I married my best friend and soul mate - Joseph J. Lantini Jr.! We had a beautiful wedding and honeymooned on a cruise to Cozumel. We were treated like kings and queens and enjoyed every moment of our pampered experience. In July I began receiving Botox injections in my vocal chords to help me speak. The injections are repeatedly every 3-4 months. They are very painful but very worthwhile. Without them using the telephone, ordering at a drivethru window, and just simple daily tasks are nearly impossible. <br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">August 8, 2006</span> </strong>My daughter and her husband, Nate blessed us with a beautiful grandson; Gavin Caleb. I was honored and blessed to be by Chrissy’s side as she labored to bring little “Gavin bear” into the world. At this point in my life, I wasn’t certain I would ever get to see any of my grandchildren. To be in that delivery room for this beautiful occasion caused me to praise God over and over. With tears running down my cheeks, I stroked Gavin’s little newborn hand and wondered in my heart if I would be around long enough to have a relationship with this precious little boy.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">January 2007</span> </strong>Chrissy, Nate and baby Gavin moved to Sheridan, Wyoming. It broke our hearts and left us devastated and asking “why.” Once they were settled in Wyoming, God answered our question as Chrissy was hired as the new Youth Pastor at their church and we began to see His plan unfold in amazing ways. Shortly after moving to Wyoming, Chrissy discovered she was pregnant again. This time we were certain I wasn’t going to be able to be there for the birth. Chrissy and I cried on several occasions talking about how sad it would be not being together for the labor or delivery and we tried to be brave and strong for each other.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">April 4, 2008</span> </strong>Chrissy and Nate blessed us once again; this time with a beautiful granddaughter; Natalie Claire. Joe had tried for months to get airline tickets for the week that baby Natalie was due. Each time he submitted for airline tickets he was refused for one reason or another. We were so disappointed when the only tickets we could purchase were two weeks AFTER Natalie was to arrive. We bought the tickets and tried not to be too let down that we wouldn’t be there for her birth. God gave us the desire of our hearts when we arrived just HOURS before Chrissy's water broke and she went into labor! Natalie came two weeks late and we all stood in tears and praise as once again as I was allowed to be by my daughter’s side as she labored to bring our beautiful granddaughter; Natalie Claire into the world.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #e69138;">May 12, 2008</span></strong> I received the most devastating news ever. The Carcinoid Cancer had suddenly began to grow. The tumors that were shrinking have increased greatly in size and there are several more tumors in my liver!<br />
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<em><strong>This is where my story begins…….. at what seems to be…………. the end.</strong></em>Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-38257774777795610722012-01-22T13:00:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:33:05.263-07:00The most important man in my life<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNB4V-y6SHncp5zfyk4u2BybxydzZOaOs50iqqAZVYEgYyKEe1uh8Rq9HcgqWG_W4UdTUtbQASF67OWXvuIwY2lWcPZdMfwF9u9YlMJAuomj3rh7pcBHoWuudI2UkKMAHsNeG0THCjkQ/s1600/dad+3.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5712633107491190050" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNB4V-y6SHncp5zfyk4u2BybxydzZOaOs50iqqAZVYEgYyKEe1uh8Rq9HcgqWG_W4UdTUtbQASF67OWXvuIwY2lWcPZdMfwF9u9YlMJAuomj3rh7pcBHoWuudI2UkKMAHsNeG0THCjkQ/s320/dad+3.jpg" style="float: left; height: 234px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 320px;" /></a><br />
CHAPTER ONE <br />
The most important man in my life <br />
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Besides the Lord, the most important man in my life was my father. He always had a way of making feel like I was O.K. even when I wasn’t. After my divorce, Dad became my best friend. He gave me crash courses on how to check the oil in my car, how to ride a riding lawnmower without hitting trees, the difference between "normal" funny sounds in a car’s engine and when you need to call the tow truck. <br />
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He tried desperately to teach me everything he knew in a very short amount of time because we both knew his time was limited. Dad had been diagnosed with cancer four years earlier, was getting stomach pains and was told that the cancer had spread throughout his body. Knowing this, my dad loved me and wanted his single daughter to be able to take care of herself. That’s why he was giving me so many crash courses. We never talked about it but we both understood. <br />
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One Sunday afternoon, my car started making a really loud noise. Dad had been in bed sick for several weeks and I didn’t want to bother him. When I finally called him, I only wanted him to tell me what he thought I should do next. But instead, he got out of bed and drove 30 minutes to my house. When he came to my door, I was shocked at how thin and frail he looked and I was upset at myself for having called him. <br />
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We went out to my car and took it for a test drive. He said “Well babe... we better get this thing to a mechanic quick!” Dad was trying his best to act like he was alright, but the pain in his face gave him away. As we drove, he tried to explain what he thought was wrong with the car. “Ya hear that sound right there?” He asked. “Ya…” I answered. “It sounds like the motor mounts have gone bad.” He continued. “What does that mean?” I asked. “That means your engine could fall out!” He laughed. “And if your engine falls out, you’re gonna need two tow trucks! One for your car and one for your engine! Let’s just hope we make it to the mechanic’s shop before that happens!”<br />
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On the way to the mechanic's, dad asked if I had any gum. Dad always chewed gum. I looked in the glove box and found some Red Hot Cinnamon gum. I handed him a stick and he popped it in his mouth. A few minutes later, as he was driving down the road, he opened the driver’s door to spit out the fire hot gum; not realizing that when he opened the door, the seat belt automatically moves forward. So here was this little frail man, with the seat belt wrapped around his neck, trying desperately not to wreck the car! We laughed the rest of the way home. Thank God I didn’t know then that this would be the last good memory I would have of my dad and me together. <br />
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For many years, my dad was a vivacious and active Pastor. He daily went from hospital to hospital... home to home... ministering to others. Helping them see God’s love even during difficult times. Now my dad found himself in a tough time as Carcinoid Cancer attacked his body. Although dad’s outer man was being attacked daily - his inner man just kept getting stronger. But while he was homebound (because of the severe pain he lived in daily) he still called others on the phone to minister to them and to help them see God’s love.<br />
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When I needed encouraged, my dad was the first person I went to! When I needed to feel loved and accepted – it was dad’s voice I needed to hear! When I started to feel overwhelmed and needed to know I was gonna be O.K., it was my dad who helped me get my priorities back in perspective. When I walked through the front door and heard him say “How ya doing Babe?” I knew I was home, I’d be o.k. and everything was gonna work out. He was such a humble man and I don’t think he ever realized what a man of God he truly was. That only made him more special to everyone who knew him. <br />
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Mom had been really depressed, scared, hurt and confused and I can only imagine what it must be like to lose the man you’ve loved for 30 some years. “Why” seems to be the big question. Why does dad have to suffer like this when he has been such a man of God? She told me how dad’s breathing was really scary last night. She says she thinks it was the death rattle people talk about. He had really deteriorated since I last saw him only a few days ago. Mom said he’s praying that the Lord will take him so he doesn’t have to suffer. How hard that must be for Mom to hear. I can’t imagine what she’s been through. It’s all I can do to get enough strength to visit for a few hours in the evenings. Watching dad suffer is so emotionally draining. <br />
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After a short visit, I couldn’t wait to get out of mom and dad’s house so I could explode into tears. When does mom cry? When can she release her pain? Where is everyone? After all dad had done for so many people - why does he have to lay at home suffering alone? If everyone he ever ministered to would visit for 10 minutes, he’d have someone with him around the clock! I really don’t understand people at all. I guess when you have a choice whether to become vulnerable to the heartache of watching a friend suffer or not, many choose not to. <br />
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As I cried out to the Lord the entire ride home, asking "why", the Lord spoke to my heart. “Brenda, if you don’t want your dad to die now - then when?” “Never!” I cried but I knew in my heart that dad had to die at some point. “But Lord.... why cancer?” That’s when He asked me the second question. “Brenda” He said. “If not cancer, then what; a car accident… or a heart attack? What?” In my heart, I realized the Lord was just assuring me that this was dad’s time and it was o.k. to let him go. Even though I wanted dad to stay and take care of me, it was time to let him receive his rewards in Heaven. <br />
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On Monday, I went to mom and dad’s and had a good talk with dad. He was lying in his hospital bed in the living room, when he looked at me and said, “It’s not looking good, Babe.” I had been praying all day for an open door to tell my dad how much I loved him. When he said this... at first I panicked and thought “I don’t want to talk about him dying!” But soon realized this was my open door and I may never get another opportunity like this one again. <br />
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So I went to his bedside and said “Dad, God knows I don’t want you to leave us.... but He also knows I could use some help down here! When you get to Heaven, could you just pull a few strings for me?! Not right away! Give yourself some time. Say five or ten minutes!!” He grinned and said “You know I will Babe!” <br />
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I couldn’t bear to talk about Dad dying so I told him not to give up. I said “I imagine when Daniel smelled those lion’s stinking breath - he was feeling pretty hopeless. But he didn’t give up! And when Jonah was looking at whale intestines, he didn’t give up! Dad, God can still do a miracle you know!” He just grinned. I continued by telling him he was the best dad in the world and that I loved him so much. He just lay there grinning his famous grin. It seemed he had something to tell me, but decided not to. Instead he told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of the decisions I had made.<br />
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Aunt Linda arrived with coffee stirs for everyone. Dad struggled to get to the table and enjoyed a few sips of the coffee stir before his bent frail body went back to his hospital bed to rest. Aunt Linda and I sat motionless at the kitchen table in disbelief and silence. <br />
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Tuesday, on the way home from work I picked up three meals at Perkins and went back to mom and dad’s to spend the night. We had a candle light dinner and dad got out of bed and sat for a few minutes to eat with mom. It wasn’t until we actually sat down together, that I realized I had bought a complete Thanksgiving meal (turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce; the works). It was only a few minutes before dad was too weak and had to get back into bed. That evening, I slept on the couch in the sitting room and mom slept on the couch in the living room beside dad’s hospital bed.<br />
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The next morning I walked into the living room and said, “Hey dad!” He opened his eyes and said “Huh.....” “Do you have any idea how much I love you?!” He grinned and said “Uh huh.....” “Do you know you’re the best dad in the whole wide world?!” “No.....” he said “I’m not asking ya, dad! I’m telling ya!” I said, “You’re the best dad in the whole wide world and you’ve done a great job raising us kids! I’m a survivor - because you showed me how to survive! I’m strong because you made me that way. I’ll be o.k. - because you’ve been a perfect example of Christ to me and He is the only thing I really need!” He grinned and fell back to sleep. <br />
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It was the Fourth of July, so I didn’t have to work. In the morning, mom got dad out of bed to use the porta potty beside his bed. He kept falling off the toilet and she had an awful time getting him back into bed. He was too weak to lift his legs and crawl into bed. As I lay on the couch listening to all of this, I began to panic. What in the world are we going to do? Mom can’t go on like this forever. I’m surprised she’s held up this long. I got up and went to the kitchen. Once I stepped into the kitchen I fell to the floor begging for mercy. “Oh God! If You're really going to take him, let him die with dignity! Don’t let him continue to linger! If you’re going to take him.... please let him go with dignity!” <br />
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That afternoon, about thirty different people stopped by the house to see mom and dad. They would only stay for a few minutes, just long enough to say “Hey Willie? I love ya man!” and walk out with tears streaming down their faces. He slept most of the day, but would wake long enough to make each visitor feel welcome, by smiling at them and saying their name. It was an exhausting day for everyone, but a good day. <br />
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The most precious visit came when twelve of his best friends (pastors he worked with), came to the front door and sang “The Old Rugged Cross” in the front yard. It reminded me of all the times we went Christmas Caroling and how it blessed people's heart. Today was dad's blessing and their act of love blessed dad more than they may ever know. He forced himself out of bed and stood at the door smiling back at the faces that loved him so much. It broke our hearts to witness this kind of love, but taught us so much in the process. <br />
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That night, as my brother, my sister, mom and I were sitting beside dad; the neighbors were having a 4th of July picnic and started lighting M-80s. At first, I was upset that they could be so inconsiderate; but I knew they had no idea what was happening in our home. Then, as only dad can do, he made us all laugh. Every time there was an explosion dad would wake up and say “Come on now. We need to all settle down. Let’s just settle down now.” I think he thought we were trashing the joint! We explained a couple of times that it was the 4th of July, but I don’t think he quite understood. <br />
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Dad started breathing differently today. He would take 6-9 deep breathes and then wouldn’t breathe again for a long, long time. The hospice nurse explained that this was the process of his body shutting down. Every time he would stop breathing, I would think that was his last breath! But then he’d gasp for another breath and start the process all over again. Several times, I caught mom trying to breath for him. I’m not sure she even realized what she was doing. <br />
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The list of things that went wrong today was astounding! My nephew, Michael wrecked his motorcycle and ended up in the hospital, the hair dryer started shooting flames and blew up, the light in the bathroom blew out, the leg on the coffee table broke off, the curling iron broke.... my dad was dying! <br />
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Friday, July 6th I wrestled for a long time whether I should go to work or not. My heart ached to have to leave dad! What if he died before I could get back? What if he remained like this for weeks? No one knows! The hospice nurse explained that while the cancer had taken it’s toll on the rest of dad’s body... he still had a very strong 61 year old heart and that was what was keeping him alive. After much debating, I finally took a shower, got dressed and prepared to leave for work. Aunt Linda stopped this morning too. I sense she’s wrestling with the same feelings. Should she go to work, should she stay? My sister, Patti came this morning, so mom won’t be alone. I stood at front door fighting with myself, but finally walked to my car. Once I got a few blocks down the road, I felt a peace and knew that I was supposed to be at work. <br />
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Once at work, I started trying to get things prepared in case I needed to leave in a hurry. The girl in the cubicle next to mine was going through a divorce and (not knowing my dad was dying) came over to my cubicle and to tell me her little girl had been making accusations about the little girl’s daddy sexually abusing her. I cried with Chrystal and tried to encourage her. Once she left my cubicle I jumped on the Internet and sent her a card to let her know that I was praying for her. As soon as I hit send - I had this urgency to go home! So I started packing things up and getting things ready to leave. It was then that my sister called and confirmed my decision to leave. I said “I’m on my way! I’ll be home in 15 minutes!” and I left. I got home and dad was still doing the same breathing. My brother, Mick and his wife, Debbie, my sister, Patti and I were there. I asked mom for dad’s anointing oil and we anointed him once again and asked for a healing. Then we prayed the Lord would take dad home; understanding that Heaven is the ultimate healing. <br />
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My son stopped over to see his Papa. When Josh walked in the front door and saw the way his Papa was breathing he panicked. “He needs oxygen!” He yelled “I’m going to the fire station and getting him some oxygen!” And he took off, flying down the road in his car. When Josh came back, his sister took him aside and explained to him that Papa’s breathing was the process the body goes through when it’s dying.” Josh calmed right down and sat the oxygen tank off to the side. <br />
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This was the first time in a long time, since my son had seen any of us. After the divorce, Josh moved two states away to live with his father. He was so full of anger and confusion and it was heart breaking so see him under these conditions. It had been a while since Dad spoke but when Josh entered the living room Dad said, “How ya doing Bud?!” It was good for Josh to hear the love in his Papa’s voice and it blessed my heart that the Lord would allow them to have those last few moments together. <br />
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Everyone was there telling dad how much they loved him and how he was the best father in the world. I don’t know if he could hear us or not. I was just very thankful that I had the opportunity to tell him those things when I knew he understood. We all told him he could go home and get his reward and that we’ll see him later. <br />
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Mom (just to get away from the scene for a moment) went out to get the mail. When she came in she had a funny look on her face and said, “Look what we just got in the mail.” Opening the envelope she pulled out a little vial of anointing oil and a prayer cloth. We all just stood there looking at it. My mind was racing! Was it too late?! God is able to do anything! Nothing’s too difficult for God! Mom was the only person brave enough to verbalize what we were all thinking! She said, “You don’t suppose.... I mean.... God is able!” <br />
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Then it started..... “So where do we put this thing?” My brother asked. “I don’t know!” Someone else said. Then someone suggested we put it on dad’s forehead, another said “No. It goes on his heart.” Yet another person said we were just to touch him with it. Suddenly, my sister asked, “Didn’t it come with directions?!” We all started laughing. I looked at dad and said “Oh dad! You’ve raised some real morons.” So my brother took the anointing oil, put it on dad’s forehead and began to pray. We put the prayer cloth on dad’s head for a little while and then his heart... (just to be safe!) If dad knew anything that was going on at this point – I’m sure he would just shake his head and laugh. We were as sincere as we could be.... but didn’t have a clue what was expected of us. <br />
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Shortly thereafter, dad spoke again. He hadn’t really done any talking for 2-3 days now and out of the blue he said loud and clear.... “I’m home!” We all jumped up, ran to his bedside and thought he was leaving. We cried and told him how much we loved him and that we were going to be o.k.; but he still lingered on. Breathing 9-10 times and then not breathing for a long, long time. Someone was by his side constantly from that point on. Mom and Patti sat with him during the night, and I got up early in the morning and sat with him while they tried to rest. Pastor Joe came over and sang some worship songs at dad’s bedside. You could tell Dad’s spirit was able to respond to Pastor Joe’s singing even if his body wouldn’t allow him to speak. <br />
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Friday morning I was sitting beside dad, wiping his brow with a cool cloth. Every time he would make even the slightest noise, mom would jump up and run to his side to make sure he was o.k. She was totally exhausted but did not want to leave his side. As I sat beside him, I could not believe how hard he had worked for the past couple of days. His breathing had taken its toll and he was sweating like crazy. I had worked as a birthing coach and was amazed at how much coming INTO this world was like LEAVING. They were both labor. <br />
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As my father lie there struggling to hold on, my mind went back to so many memories. Memories of sitting on the steps waiting for dad to finally get out of the bathroom so we could run downstairs and open Christmas gifts. Memories of how he loved his grandchildren. The crazy things he would do like riding a Slip and Slide down the hill at camp and singing “If raindrops were gumdrops” just to hear his grandkids squeal with laughter. Memories of our times spent at camp and fishing side by side. There were so many memories; memories that pierced my heart as I stood beside my dying father. <br />
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The hospice nurse came in the next morning and gave dad a bath around 10:30. After she finished, Pastor Carol came in. She said, “I bought you some chicken. I’m just gonna stick it in the refrigerator and then I’m leaving.” Before she could get it in the refrigerator, I decided to make mom a plate of food. Carol, Patti and I were in the kitchen talking when I decided to carry mom’s plate into the living room. As soon as I stepped into the living room, I realized something had changed! Dad was breathing differently. There were no hesitations, no pausing. Just a constant gasping for air! I sat the plate down, went back out into the kitchen and said, “Something has changed. You better come in.” Patti and Carol followed me back into the living room. Mom and Patti were on his right side, I was on his left. At first I thought, “I wonder how long he will do this now.” But I soon began to notice that his hands and face were changing colors. Oh God! He’s really dying! I can’t watch! But I can’t leave either! Oh God! My dad is dying! Right now!! Right here!!! There’s no miracle! There’s no healing! Why God! Why?!! <br />
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I held Dad’s hand and once again started telling him how much I loved him because there were no other words to say. That’s when I remembered the Hospice nurse telling us how strong his heart was. So I reached over and placed my hand on his chest, to feel his heart beat. My thoughts were “God take him! No more suffering!” That’s when God spoke clearly to me and said “You take his heart. You take his love for the unsaved and the hurting. You carry the mantel he has carried for so long.” I agreed and with tears in my eyes I looked at my dad and said “Dad, you can go home now... we’ll take it from here.” Dad’s body jerked three times and he was gone. <br />
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I stood beside the shell that once was my loving father in total disbelief and anger with God. “God! You said we could ask anything in Your name and it would be done. You said by Your stripes we were healed! What about Dad? Why didn’t he receive his healing? What didn’t you answer our prayers?! Where are you God? Don’t you even care what just happened? How could this possibly work together for good? Why do I even bother praying to Someone who doesn’t listen?”<br />
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The next few days were a blur, but I remember sitting on the front step with my friend, Debbie and being angry that the day my father died was such a beautiful day. The sun was shining, there were big fluffy clouds in the sky (the kind of fluffy clouds that my father loved so much), it was warm and beautiful. How dare the world continue to move on. My world stopped; so should everyone else’s. <br />
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Two days later when we arrived at the funeral home, the receiving line was already three city blocks long. People stood for hours to pay their respects; people from all walks of life (rich people, poor people, black people, white people). I have never seen anything like it. As a matter of fact, the funeral director went out to those standing in line and asked them to come back for the second viewing. “The family” he said “needs some time to sit down and rest. Please come back to the second viewing.” And they did. What a testimony to dad’s character. It was exhausting speaking with so many people, but it blessed our hearts beyond compare. <br />
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For a long, long time I wrestled with why my dad had to die when he was so young. Why did he have to leave me when I needed him most? Only God knows why. God reminded me of the promise I made to my dad as he was dying. “Dad” I said, “I’ll take it from here....” I wasn’t sure what that meant, or how that was accomplished but I didn’t want what dad had spent his life living for to die with him. I needed to pick up his mantel. I needed to step up to the plate. Dad had passed the torch to me. It’s time for me to run with it. I just pray to God I don’t drop it. <br />
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I wasn’t sure how I was going to carry his mantle of love but somehow … some way I was going to step in where he had left off. Although, the very thought of doing hospital visitations, going into the prisons, or (heaven forbid) preaching a sermon made me weak at the knees.<br />
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There was no way for me to know that in less than two years, I would be hired to serve on the same support staff at the church my father served on. There was no way of knowing that God was going to begin pouring gifts and talents into me and use me at my church for many years. God had handed me a job doing what I love to do. Writing and designing was something I only dared to dream about doing! You don’t take a woman who didn’t work (outside the home) for over twenty years and drop her into her dream job! That’s something she has to work up to! Not with God. He wants to fulfill our dreams. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Nothing pleases Him more than to bless His children. Don’t ever stop dreaming. Don’t ever stop believing. With God ALL things are possible. <br />
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There was no way for me to know that I would one day be doing hospital visitations and YES even preaching a sermon or two. God was beginning to mold this shy, backward lady into someone He could use for His glory. It was more amazing for me to watch this happen than it was for anyone else. I was no longer living up to my dad’s legacy of love but I was beginning to see my own destiny and my own legacy unfold right before my eyes. <br />
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As years went by and as exciting as life was becoming (as I followed the Lord and allowed Him to stretch me far beyond anything I could imagine), I still had no contact with my son, Josh and my heart ached desperately to have him back in my life. One day I found myself lying across my bed crying out to the Lord. “Father, You promised me life and life more abundant! You said that whatever I asked in Jesus’ name you would do. Jesus! My heart aches for a relationship with my son…. PLEASE! Do whatever it takes to bring Josh back into my life……”Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-35450611150482207292012-01-21T23:04:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:45:37.044-07:00It's not a TUMA... or is it?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uqrvdMsxETg/UHmN_BA-jTI/AAAAAAAAALM/zZtAoywhrYA/s1600/arnold_header.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uqrvdMsxETg/UHmN_BA-jTI/AAAAAAAAALM/zZtAoywhrYA/s200/arnold_header.jpg" width="200" /></a>Over the Christmas holidays in 2003, I was experiencing excruciating pains in my stomach. For weeks I was convinced it was just the flu or something I had eaten. While playing the piano with a group of other musicians for our Christmas production, I had to run to the bathroom in between songs to get sick. While lying on the bathroom floor and hugging the toilet, my daughter was by my side encouraging me and rubbing my back. At one point she whispered, “Mom… you don’t think it’s….” She couldn’t bear to even say the word ‘tumor.’ I looked up at her and in my best Arnold Swartzenegger voice I said, “IT‘S NOT A TUMA!” </div>
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Because the pain wasn’t constant and would come and go, I decided there was no way I would even consider going to the doctor. Until… this tall, dark, handsome and single man (who just happened to be painting the offices where I work) said, “Brenda, if you make a doctor’s appointment, I’ll take you to your appointment.” Well every single girl around was eyeballing this man and my mama didn’t raise no fool! So I went directly into my office and set up an appointment; when actually all I really wanted to do was get to know this mystery man. He was true to his word and went to the first couple doctor’s appointments with me. He even stood at the bottom of the CT Scanner and rubbed my foot, while I battled claustrophobia in that little CT tube. <br />
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But when things started getting intense, he vanished and moved six states away. I’m still thankful he suggested I make an appointment because I don’t think I would have gone to the doctor otherwise. I guess his mission here was finished and he ran for warmer climates and less drama. How could I blame him? If I had a choice I would have run too. <br />
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<strong>Friday the 13th, February 2004</strong><br />
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Two and a half years after the death of my father, I found myself in the same doctor’s office dad had gone to. This time it was me, my mom, my daughter and friend, Carol. The doctor took everyone into one private waiting room then whisked me away to an examining room. <br />
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Once she got me in the examining room, she proceeded to do an annual pap smear. In this room there was what appeared to be a leather recliner with stirrups. This was something I had never experienced before and wasn’t a big fan when she stepped on the floor pedal and the recliner turned me upside down on my head with one leg going toward the east and the other going west. I’m trying to be discreet here… but you’ve got to get the entire picture to understand what happened next. <br />
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While I’m in this precarious position and looking much like at Butterball turkey ready to be stuffed, the doctor begins talking. Standing by her side is her nurse (the mother of the man I had recently broken off my engagement with) Awkward! <br />
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The doctor very nonchalantly began to explain that the blood work came back and confirmed that I too had Carcinoid Cancer ~ just as my father had. She immediately began to use terms like “quality of life” and “keeping me comfortable.” <br />
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I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and just stared at her in disbelief. Instantly I was sick to my stomach and couldn’t deal with the words she was saying. The longer she talked the more violated I felt. How can she say these things while she’s got me standing on my head? Don’t I deserve even just a little bit of respect? I couldn’t bear to hear her piercing words more than once so I asked sharply, “Can we please talk about this with everyone else in the other room?” She immediately stopped talking and allowed me to get dressed and go into the room across the hall where everyone was waiting. <br />
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When I entered the room I was white as a ghost and everyone immediately knew that what they were about to hear was not good news. The doctor explained once again about my diagnosis and gave a few suggestions of doctors she believed would be helpful. She reaffirmed the fact that there is NO CURE to Carcinoid Cancer, but there were ways of “keeping me comfortable” and “giving me the best quality of life possible.” I refused to allow my mind to go back to when my father died; the pain, the anguish, all the heart ache. I can’t allow my mind to go there! It will completely shut me down! “Don’t go there!” I kept silently repeating in my mind! “Don’t go there!” I did not realize at the time that I had just entered the most difficult part of a cancer diagnosis; the battle of your mind. Disciplining my thought life was something I would battle with for years to come. <br />
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She finally stopped speaking and walked out of the room and for just a second we all sat frozen in total silence and disbelief. My mom got up first and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m so sorry mom!” I whispered in her ear as we both began to cry. As hard as I tried, I could not stop the thoughts that were already racing through my mind. “Who’s going to take care of me? Who will be there when I die?” Chrissy just got engaged a few days ago, I can’t burden her with this. There was no way I was going to put my mom through this again! I wouldn’t do that to my mom! Not when she‘s just beginning to heal. At this time in my life, it was just me and my cat and quite frankly up until this very moment I kinda liked it that way. “When I get really sick,” I thought to myself, “I’ll leave and take care of myself at the end.” <br />
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My daughter jumped in and hugged the two of us then my friend, Carol wrapped her arms around all of us. We stayed in that little room until we could regain our composure. I paid for the doctor’s visit at the front desk and then we all painted on a fake smile and walked out of the doctor’s office as if nothing had happened. As soon as Carol reached her car, she began making calls to explain to the people at the church about my diagnosis so I wouldn’t have to. By the time Chrissy and I started down the road, people were getting the news and already began to pray. <br />
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As soon as we got into Chrissy’s car, I called my son. I didn’t want him to hear this news from anyone else. Then Chris and I just wandered around kind of shopping and waiting for 7pm when we could go to the Friday night service. Every Friday night I played the keyboard at our church and I just couldn’t imagine not being there tonight; even after the heavy load that was just dumped on our shoulders. <br />
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At 7pm I went to the keyboard on the church platform and began worshipping with the team. What else was I supposed to do? Where else am I supposed to turn? If I sit in the congregation, I’m just going to cry and fall apart. God is the only Person Who can help me now. <br />
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During previous trials, I learned one very important lesson: when we least feel like worshipping, that’s when we need to worship most. Through my divorce, through the loss of my son, through the death of my father, I began to realize that whenever I offered a sacrifice of praise God would (much like super glue) take all the fragmented pieces of my heart and mind and put them back together; giving me the strength to get through one more day.<br />
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After worship, our pastor brought Chrissy and I to the front and the entire church began to pray for my miraculous healing. It was awesome and comforting to know we have so many good friends on our side. I was reminded of the story in Mark when a man sick with palsy had friends who were willing to lift his mat and carry him to the rooftop. <br />
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<em><span style="color: red;">Mark 2:1-12 (MSG) After a few days, Jesus returned to Capernaum, and word got around that he was back home. A crowd gathered, jamming the entrance so no one could get in or out. He was teaching the Word. They brought a paraplegic to him, carried by four men. When they weren't able to get in because of the crowd, they removed part of the roof and lowered the paraplegic on his stretcher. Impressed by their bold belief, Jesus said to the paraplegic, "Son, I forgive your sins." Some religion scholars sitting there started whispering among themselves, "He can't talk that way! That's blasphemy! God and only God can forgive sins." Jesus knew right away what they were thinking, and said, "Why are you so skeptical? Which is simpler: to say to the paraplegic, 'I forgive your sins,' or say, 'Get up, take your stretcher, and start walking'? Well, just so it's clear that I'm the Son of Man and authorized to do either, or both . . ." (he looked now at the paraplegic), "Get up. Pick up your stretcher and go home." And the man did it—got up, grabbed his stretcher, and walked out, with everyone there watching him. They rubbed their eyes, incredulous—and then praised God, saying, "We've never seen anything like this!" </span></em><br />
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Almost immediately I would need to learn how to lean on the faith of my friends. It was the prayers, love and support of so many friends that kept me moving forward. It was the strength I felt through their words of encouragement that kept me from drowning in self pity. <br />
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Back before I had accepted Christ as my Savior, I remember thinking that if I ever became a Christian I wouldn’t have any friends. The funniest part about that is ~ at that time in my life I didn’t have any friends! Today, over twenty years later, my life is blessed with hundreds of friends. Sure, there is only a handful of close ‘intimate’ friends, but literally hundreds of other people truly care about me and what I’m going through! And that’s all I really needed to know at this moment in my journey. <br />
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<br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-16347849804754074462012-01-20T09:18:00.000-08:002013-06-03T14:01:43.242-07:00A quick class on Carcinoid Cancer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Carcinoid Cancer is often known as cancer in slow motion. Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s hamburger food chain had Carcinoid for 10 years before it metastasized to his liver and in 2002 he died at the age of 69. <br />
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Carcinoid tumors emit large quantities of chemicals like serotonin, histamines and other problems. Most people who experience Carcinoid Syndrome because their cancer has metastasized to the liver. <br />
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Some of the Carcinoid Syndrome Symptoms are: <br />
<ul>
<li>Uncontrollable diarrhea</li>
<li>Flushing</li>
<li>Low blood pressure</li>
<li>Asthma like wheezing</li>
<li>Heart damage/rapid heart beat/Heart valvular lesions </li>
<li>Cramping/abdominal pain </li>
<li>Arthritis </li>
<li>Peripheral edema - a swelling of the ankles, legs, hands and arms, or neck and face. </li>
<li>Cyanosis - characteristic bluish skin spots that appear after flushing, and are produced by a lack of oygenated blood circulation. </li>
<li>Pellagra - nutritional deficiency that causes symptoms such as skin rash </li>
<li>Telangiectasia - reddish spots or veins that appear most often on the face, chest or arms.</li>
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The syndrome symptoms can be so severe that they, not the Carcinoid tumors, are the cause of death. Carcinoid Tumors most frequently appear in African American women between the ages 50 to 70 and this is not hereditary. The chances of dad and I both being diagnosed with Carcinoid are slim to none. All I gotta say is, “Someone’s got some explaining to do then!” <br />
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There is another condition referred to as Carcinoid Crisis which causes a fatal episode of flushing, low blood pressure, confusion and breathing difficulty and must be handled immediately. Carcinoid Crisis can be caused by having anesthesia, chemotherapy, or can happen for no apparent reason. For more information you can visit a webpage at www.carcinoid.com.<br />
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It didn’t take me but a few jumps on the google search engine to realize the internet was not going to be my friend during this journey. So I determined in my heart to let the doctors do their job and resist the urge to do any further investigating of this very frightening diagnosis on the internet. <br />
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Here is a partial list of the doctors I visited and the various tests that were done. <br />
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Jan 19, 2004 Sharon Regional CR ABD UPPER WO/W Contrast <br />
Jan 30, 2004 Sharon Regional 5HIAA urine 24/HR<br />
Feb 4, 2004 Sharon Regional liver needle biopsy <br />
Friday the 13th Feb 2004 Sharon Reg. <span style="color: #e69138;">1st Carcinoid diagnosis</span><br />
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When I was diagnosed at the doctor’s office, my friend, Carol wasn’t going to take this Carcinoid diagnosis lying down. She immediately began making plans for us to get a second opinion… then a third… then a fourth… eventually I lost count of how many different doctors we tried to get an appointment with. <br />
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Mar 10,2004 Hillman Cancer Ins. Ocreotide Scan &<span style="color: #e69138;"> 2nd Carcinoid diagnosis</span><br />
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On my 44th birthday, March 10, 2004 I had an appointment at a Pittsburgh, Pa hospital for more testing. The night before the actual test, I was given several doses of radiation and then 24 hours later went through a barrage of testing. My mom, Chrissy and friend, Carol and I spent the night in a hotel close to the hospital. <br />
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That night in the hotel was one I will never forget. Weeks in advance, Carol contacted several women at the church to let them know that I would be in the hospital on my birthday. Then she smuggled gifts, cards, flowers and so much more into the hotel room without me knowing it. I’m still not certain how she accomplished all of that. But what a blessing! <br />
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The night before my testing, I came out of the shower to find the room fully decorated with flowers and banners and a bed full of gifts from my friends back home. Tears immediately filled my eyes and flowed freely down my cheeks for several hours while I read each card and opened each gift. There is no way to describe the strength my soul gathered from each act of kindness these ladies displayed toward me. The four of us sat in amazement as we felt the love of so many pour over us right there in the hotel room. <br />
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The next morning, I got into the shower and mindlessly squeezed liquid soap into the palm of my hand. When I looked down at the soap I couldn’t believe my eyes. The soap had formed the perfect outline of a heart! I stood there amazed as I watched it fill in and remain in the shape of a perfect heart. Then a still small voice spoke to my heart and said, “Rest in My love My child.”<br />
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During the scan I was thinking how cruel the nursing staff was to be eating their lunch in front of a woman who hadn’t been allowed to eat for two days. Then I had a thought. “Someone has to help the doctors and nurses believe in miracles; and restore their compassion, someone needs to spur them on to do their jobs in a spirit of excellence while anxiously awaiting a healing from Someone much bigger than themselves.” <br />
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After lying on a cold, hard, metal table for literally hours during the testing, we once again received another Carcinoid diagnosis. This wasn’t going to stop us. We immediately made an appointment with a doctor from John Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland.<br />
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Mar 23, 2004 John Hopkins Two separate doctors - <span style="color: #e69138;">3rd & 4th Carcinoid diagnosis </span><br />
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Funny story about John Hopkins: first what we were expecting the hospital to look like and what John Hopkins actually looks like was astounding. As we drove toward the hospital, it seemed we were in a ghetto like none I’ve ever experienced before. Once in the hospital, I was wondering if maybe God was going to do something out of the ordinary through this chance meeting with the young, good looking Dr. John Doe (name changed for obvious reasons). <br />
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When we looked Dr. Doe up on the internet, we all commented on how… well… how appealing his picture and bio were. Mostly his picture. Upon arrival, we waited in the waiting room forever and then were taken to an examining room. As we all sat in the examining room, we chuckled and talked about what this encounter with Mr. Gorgeous might turn out to be. <br />
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After a long, long wait, the door finally opened and this old, grey haired, doctor with a poochy tummy walked in and introduced himself. I wanted to look around for the Candid Cameras, but instead sat quietly trying to listen to his diagnosis while my mind was screaming “Hey! Wait a minute! Where’s that gorgeous hunk of a man whose picture with your name is on the internet?” When we left our appointment, we looked him up again and sure enough it was Mr. Gorgeous about 20 years after the picture had been taken. How cruel is that? Besides, what man in his right mind would marry a woman with stage 4, terminal cancer anyways? <br />
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So in just a few short months, we traveled as far as from Pittsburgh, Pa to John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland only to hear the same diagnosis. Finally, I knew that I needed to resolve to the fact that I wasn’t going to get a different diagnosis and wasn’t going to find someone with a magical cure. <br />
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So with one more doctor to visit, a Carcinoid Specialist in Columbus Ohio, I found a doctor I could trust and stuck with her for many years of CT Scans and appointments. <br />
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Mar 26, 2004 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt confirming <span style="color: #e69138;">5th Carcinoid diagnosis </span><br />
May 8, 2004 OSU Cancer Hosp ABCD lesions in liver growing in size <br />
June 24, 2004 OSU Cancer Hosp Clincial Trial cancelled due to sudden death side effects<br />
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On June 2004, I was scheduled for an experimental, clinical trial. The doctor had explained the risk involved but it was my only hope of a cure. Two days before I was to begin the treatments, the trial was shut down. <br />
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When we went to OSU Cancer Hospital for my appointment (which should have been the beginning of my Clinical Trial), I will never forget the look on Chrissy’s face as the doctor explained (in broken English) that the reason the Trial was cancelled was because several people had already experienced “sudden death” while beginning the treatments! <br />
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Poor Chrissy. Every time she heard the words “sudden death” she turned white as a ghost and almost fell off the stool in the doctor’s office. She said later she honestly thought she was going to pass out when she realized just how close I was to receiving an injection that could have taken my life suddenly. <br />
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Sudden death was not a side effect any of us were willing to chance. It was at this moment I realized that God wasn’t finished with me yet. Lu 4:10 - 'He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you,' If He was going to protect me from “sudden death” then I needed to trust Him completely and walk this journey out. <br />
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July 15, 2004 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Oct 21, 2004 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Jan 8, 2005 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Feb 24, 2005 OSU Cancer Hosp cholecystectomy (gallbladder removed because Sandostatin was causing gallbladder sludge) <br />
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Doctors expected me to be down for a long, long time after this cholecystectomy. Actually, I bounced right back up and was ready to get back to life as usual. What was nice about this particular operation was I got to see what my boyfriend, Joe Lantini was like under pressure. I’m happy to say he passed with flying colors under the watchful eye of Carol and Chrissy. <br />
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Aug 25, 2005 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Dec 14, 2006 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Dec 15, 2006 OSU Cancer Hosp small bowel resection with side to side anastomosis<br />
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My appointment was supposed to be a simple CT Scan & appt. But unbeknownst to me, there was a bowel blockage that was ready to burst. It was so severe that the doctor admitted me immediately and scheduled the small bowel resection for early the next morning. <br />
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Now don’t let the word SMALL bowel resection fool ya. They took over 2 feet of my small bowel. But once again, thanks to the faithfulness of God I bounced right back and a week after surgery I was out strolling the malls and Christmas Shopping for our four month old grandson, Gavin. <br />
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Now I’m not endorsing having surgery to get out of all the Christmas drama but I gotta say having this surgery during the Christmas season was a real blessing. When I left on December 14th I had very little Christmas shopping, baking, cleaning, and/or wrapping done. While I was in the hospital, Chrissy took my credit card in hand and had everything handled before I came home. <br />
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We would crack up when a super cautious sales clerk would call my cell and ask if I was Brenda Lantini. I would simply say “Yes I am” and instantly Chrissy had the ability to charge just about anything she wanted on my card. Now, correct me if I’m wrong but couldn’t anyone steal my credit card and have the sales clerk call anyone’s cell to get permission to make purchases?! <br />
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Dec 18, 2006 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Feb 23. 2006 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Mar 8, 2006 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Jan 4, 2007 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
May 10, 2007 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
June 6, 2008 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt.<br />
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When I was first diagnosed, the doctors said that the primary tumor was in my small bowel with multiple tumors in my liver. When I asked how many tumors were in my liver, the doctors simply said, “Too many to count!” They continued by saying that there is no cure for Carcinoid, there are no treatments and they offered no hope. Then they hinted at a very short life span for me; since it had already metastasized to my liver. They explained that toward the end of the disease they could do Chemo Embolization. But this treatment was only designed to “buy me time” and couldn’t be repeated more than 2-3 times because each time it’s administered it’s a little less effective. <br />
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July 15, 2008 OSU Cancer Hosp Chemo Embolization<br />
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You can read more about my Chemo Embolization in Chapter Six. <br />
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July 28, 2008 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Aug 18, 2008 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Aug 24, 2008 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
Oct 9, 2008 OSU Cancer Hosp CT Scan & appt. <br />
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In October of 2008 I lost my job and my medical insurance. Which meant that all doctor’s visits at James Cancer Hospital or anywhere else were finished. At this time, I found myself battling my thought life again. Fear, confusion and a host of other emotions wanted to take over but I couldn’t let them. <br />
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At times I wondered what kept me going. Why didn’t I lose faith? Why didn’t I just give up? I can assure you the strength to carry on was nothing of my own doing. It was the faithful love and mercy of my Heavenly Father that kept me going. If it had been up to me, I would have thrown my hands up in defeat at the very beginning. But it was His stubborn love that kept drawing me back. <br />
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It was also a series of daily choices. Choices like: Continuing to play keyboard for praise and worship regardless of whether I felt like it or not, literally running home and covering my head whenever I was tempted to find comfort in the things of this world, willing to be a Godly example for those who are faced with the heartache and challenge of cancer and trying to find some way to glorify the Lord through it all. <br />
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For several years I was faced with daily choices. Some were obvious choices and some were not as obvious. Some I understood what God was doing, some I did not. But in the midst of the storm even though it seemed like the sun would never shine again; I realized that if I just gave it time the Son would shine brightly once again. It doesn’t stay dark forever. Seasons change ~ but God never changes. Finally after a long, long time I was able to look back and realize the hand of God had led me every step of the way. <br />
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At the beginning of the diagnosis, many people (out of the goodness of their hearts) began giving me books, cassettes, CDs, bottles of liver enhancers and many other concoctions guaranteed to heal my cancer. At first, I was tempted to begin reading every book, take every pill and drink every bottle of ‘cures’ that were given to me. What did I have to lose? Let’s try it all! But then as I searched my heart, I told the Lord that I was going to trust Him completely. When this was all said and done I didn’t want anything to take the credit for the miracle God was going to do. <br />
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Now I’m not saying if your doctor suggests a certain medication not to take it. I took a Sandostatin shot monthly to control the symptoms of the Carcinoid for over four years. What I’m talking about are the things you see on T.V. promising to cure you, the bestselling books that have YOUR answer to health. I believe one of the things that enabled me to keep my peace of mind was by not going on all those wild goose chases and trusting God totally and completely. <br />
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In 2004, the Carcinoid Specialist was using terms like “quality of life,” “keeping me comfortable” and “buying time.” Of course, I was devastated. Everything I ate made me violently ill and caused severe pain. Pain like I’ve never experienced in my life. To best describe the pain I would say it felt like I had a metal corset that covered my entire trunk. The pain would begin and keep getting tighter and tighter until it caused me to roll up in a ball on the floor crying and gasping for breath. At times I would vomit and have chills with the pain. At other times I didn’t. <br />
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Almost daily I found myself lying on the bathroom floor praying for relief from the pain and wondering if that relief was going to come in the form of me going to Heaven. I began preparing for my death by securing a cemetery lot and writing out what I’d like my funeral service to look like. Until one day I shook myself and said, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP THAT!” <br />
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The power of life and death are in the tongue and I needed to stop speaking negatively. I needed to stop planning on dying. I needed to stop entertaining the fear that would flood my soul at night. I needed to believe that God was able to deliver me and that He had a plan for my life during this painful time.<br />
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But even during all the pain and all the fear, the greatest heartache in my life was the fact that I had lost contact with my son, Josh. I remember throwing myself across my bed on New Year’s Eve 2004 (just 6 weeks before my diagnosis) and crying out to God. “Lord” I cried, “I can’t bear to not have a relationship with my son. My aching heart is killing. Please bring him back into my life! Do whatever it takes God! Please God!” <br />
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God always hears our prayers but doesn’t always answer the way we thought He would. I believed He was going to bring Josh back but I never dreamed He was going to do it through a cancer diagnosis. <br />
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Then one Sunday after church, I was lying in severe pain on the couch with my heating pad. When my front door opened and my son, Josh walked back into my life like he had never left. The same young man who hadn’t spoken to me for over four years was back and it was time for us to begin building our relationship again. At first it was a little awkward. But no matter how far apart we had been, the love we had for each other went farther. <br />
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After several visits, he was sitting in my rocking chair in the living room and said, “Mom. You know if it wasn’t for the cancer diagnosis I wouldn’t be sitting here.” Tears filled my eyes and I said, “Ya. I know. And if I had a choice I’d do it all over again in a heart beat.” <br />
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It was the cancer diagnosis that brought him back into my life and we both knew it. God always answers prayer – just not always the way we expect or would like Him to. <br />
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Josh and I have a GREAT relationship now. He and his wife, Megan visit often and it’s always fun when we go out for JIB-Jab hotdogs or ice cream. Sometimes when I look at him I think of how desperately I missed him while he was gone. Then I smile and remind my heart that God really does do miracles. <br />
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Not only did the Lord restore my relationship with my son, Josh; but when I married Joe God also gave me another son, Joey Lantini III, and two step-sons John and Giovan, two step daughters Katina and Tiffany, a step-granddaughter Gianna and a step-grandson Little Giovan. (I only use the term ‘step’ in order to be politically correct). They are all my kids as far as I’m concerned. And I’ve sincerely enjoyed getting to know each one of them.<br />
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For years I mourned my loss especially at Christmas when I just didn’t have any reason to put up the stockings. Because there were no children in my house to open them. Now, I have a tough time finding enough room for all sixteen stockings. During the time of the divorce it seemed like I had lost everyone and everything, but God promises that He will restore the years that the locust hath eaten… Job 2:25 <br />
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When locust devour a crop the farmer needs to keep sowing seeds and waiting. Eventually seasons change and new life begins again. I am a blessed woman to have so many children in my life. I could have never guessed that this was even possible. But God. He is so faithful. <br />
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Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-42867457557946561682012-01-19T15:55:00.000-08:002013-06-04T22:30:46.131-07:00I just wanna be fruity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN">Here are some notes I have written down in a gazillion different journals… on slips of paper… napkins… anywhere and everywhere. These little blurbs of thought reveal the depth of thought and feeling involved with a cancer diagnosis. The best part? They still encourage ME today as I go back and read them. Let me assure you, I’m not always on the top of my game. There have been many days when I’ve wondered if God was even with me. There have been many days when I can’t think of one good reason to go on to the next day. But God. He always seems to speak loudest when we finally decide to be quiet and listen. <br />
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<span style="color: #e69138;"><strong>4-28-04</strong></span><br />
Here's a poem I wrote on 4-28-2004 while lying on the bathroom floor wondering if I was going to die. I was in pain I had never experienced before and felt completely and totally alone. Yet I also kept mostly to myself because I didn't want to burden anyone. Only two months into my journey and I was just beginning to learn how to lean on my faith and trust in the Lord. <br />
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While I was laying on the floor, this poem came to my mind and I remember thinking "you've gotta be kidding me the pen and paper are in the other room!" They seemed so far away but I knew if I didn't write it down immediately it would be lost forever. But I managed to get into the other room, grabbed the pen and paper, laid back down on the floor and began to write. <br />
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I'd like to say there was a miracle and the pain went away immediately, but it didn't. Although a peace and calm that I can't explain came over me and I knew no matter what happened I was going to be alright. <br />
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HERE I AM AGAIN LORD </div>
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Here I am again Lord </div>
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With so many questions on my mind </div>
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Ashamed to doubt Your Sovereignty </div>
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As so many answers I seek to find </div>
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I know that You are able </div>
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And working for my good </div>
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There are just some things I wish </div>
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I somehow understood </div>
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Like, why this painful journey </div>
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And why this winding road </div>
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Why must I carry such a burden </div>
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And why such a heavy load </div>
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Are you trying to speak to my heart Lord</div>
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Are You leading me this way </div>
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If I know that You are with me </div>
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Then on this path I will gladly stay </div>
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I trust in You completely </div>
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And know You have a plan </div>
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I know Your ways aren't my ways </div>
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Your thoughts are much higher than man's </div>
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So... yes I will follow </div>
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I will go wherever You send </div>
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Only because I know that when it's over </div>
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I'll be with You in the end </div>
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Your love is what encourages me </div>
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Your strength is my best friend </div>
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It's Your peace that brings me comfort </div>
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Along each rough and winding bend </div>
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<span style="color: #e69138;"><strong>10-14-04</strong></span></span><br />
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Father, <br />
At the beginning of this year as I lay across my bed crying out for a relationship with my son and asking You to do ‘whatever it takes’ You said, “The road will be a little bumpy. But this is your year.” Today, ten months and a cancer diagnosis later I realize You weren’t kidding about the bumpy road. I also realize that the “life more abundant” is the attitude of one’s heart. <br />
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Lord, You have pruned me deeply. It seems there is nothing left of the vine. But I understand that in order to bear much fruit, the pruning is necessary. Therefore, I will not fight the process. I only ask that You would use me to bear much fruit ~ for Your glory and for Your honor. <br />
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Amen.<br />
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<span style="color: #e69138;"><strong>10-16-04</strong></span></span><br />
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My next scan is next Thursday, the 21<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> at Columbus, Ohio. The past couple of days I’ve been wrestling with the “what ifs”. I know the Lord touched me on September 10<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>. I know I’ve been healed. But what if the scan doesn’t prove my healing? What if the doctor doesn’t confirm that healing? <br />
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I’m not so much concerned about me… I’ve come to terms with life and death. My concern is God’s integrity. (Just typing that out makes me laugh. Who am I to alter the integrity of God?) Yet I want to be able to encourage others who are facing issues like cancer, disease and divorce. I want them to see the mighty healing power of God. Many people have heard that I was healed. The word has spread quickly. What if… <br />
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My brother put it so wisely the other day when he said, “God has healed you. You just don’t know how yet.” I understand that many are healed miraculously, many through chemo and radiation, some get the ultimate healing when they go home to be with the Father; where the sting of death can never touch them again, where there are no tears, no pain, no sin, no rejection, no divorce, no hate, nothing but life and peace for eternity. <br />
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God had a plan and purpose when He created me in my mother’s womb. How could I possibly think I could improve on His plan? This diagnosis has not taken Him by surprise. I don’t believe He gave me cancer. But I do believe He knew this was going to happen and He has a plan to work it all out for His glory. <br />
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The things I’ve endured have all been a part of His incredible plan and destiny for my life. My only responsibility, my only requirement is that I trust Him and walk it out daily. He only asks that I remain faithful and allow His plan to unfold in my life. <br />
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God clearly told us in the Word that what gives Him glory is when we bear much fruit. Do I have any fruit? I want to bear much fruit… for His glory. <br />
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<span style="color: #e69138;"><strong>11-20-04</strong></span></span><br />
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I’m beginning to learn that most of those who are used greatly by God can point to a day in their life when they made a formal decision to live for God’s glory. I’m not certain why I didn’t see this all along. If you read the scriptures, all the testimonies of great men and women of God went through tremendous trials and hardship. But when you decide to live for God’s glory, you must also understand that there are conditions. Think of any great person in the Bible and I'm certain you will see that these three conditions are true: </span><br />
<span lang="EN">#1 </span><span lang="EN"><span lang="EN">You get nothing in return <br />#2 There are no warm fuzzies or great personal joy involved <br />#3 It’s all done to increase God’s reputation </span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN">Oh God, I want only what You want for my life. From this day forward, I will measure success, achievement and fulfillment by doing good works that bring You glory. Today I sign over ownership of my life to You; asking only the You will use me to show the world what a wonderful God You are! </span><br />
<br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-39125158925245523212012-01-19T12:39:00.000-08:002013-06-04T22:26:21.902-07:00Who's gonna date a girl with Stage Four Cancer?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After my divorce in 1999, this very broken, scarred and scared woman entered a new life. There was no way for me to understand what single women go through on a daily basis. It wasn’t until I experienced the meat market mentality that was out there, that I could fully sympathize with a woman who simply wanted to live her life and be happy again. <br />
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Shortly after my divorce, I met several men. Now mind you, I had no intentions of ever entering into another relationship. The pain of the first was enough to keep me single for the rest of my life. At this point in my life, it was just me and my cat and I was really okay with that. She liked to cuddle and purr and only made noise when she was hungry or needed her litter box changed. Life at my house was finally peaceful and relaxing and I was going to do whatever it took to keep it that way. <br />
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<span style="color: #f6b26b;">CHANCE ENCOUNTERS BEFORE THE CANCER DIAGNOSIS:</span> <br />
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At Christmas time, my boss called me on the intercom and said “You have a gorgeous bouquet of roses up here in the main office.” Confused and a little excited I went upstairs and brought the roses to my office. The card wished me a Merry Christmas but there was no name. <br />
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Obviously this Mystery Man doesn’t know me at all! Instead of appreciating the beauty of the flowers, I focused on the unknown admirer. How could he do this? Will he ever reveal himself? Was this from one of the girls from the office trying to make me feel better? Oh…. I wasn’t happy about this at all. <br />
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Almost a month later, a guy I barely knew walked up to me and said, “So did you like your roses?” I spun around and asked, “Were those from you?!” He smiled at my shocked expression. I wasn’t even certain what his name was. Why in the world would he send me roses? Then he said quite seriously, “Would you like to marry me?” Oh boy… now I knew I was in trouble. I smiled sweetly and said, “Oh you’re too kind but I’ve gotta go” and slipped away as swiftly as I could. <br />
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Another encounter happened as I was trying to get my belongings out of my house during the divorce, a police officer asked me to stop in at the police station and pick up some paperwork he thought was important for me to have. So of course, I went to the station and he buzzed me in. The door unlocked, I walked in and the door locked behind me. Being the very naïve (newly single) woman that I was, I strolled into the main office and was a bit surprised that there was no one else in the police station. <br />
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It didn’t take long before I realized that (much like a trapped rabbit) I was in a very bad situation. I grabbed the paperwork and literally ran to the front door. It was still locked. By then the police officer came up very close behind me and whispered “I can’t stop thinking about you. I wake up thinking about you and I go to sleep thinking about you.” My heart was pounding and I wondered if people were going to read about how they found my dead body somewhere! <br />
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I spun around, looked him straight in the eyes and said, “That’s great! Now if you want to help me… why don’t you stop THINKING about me… and start PRAYING for me?!” His face was priceless. That was not the response he had anticipated. How do you continue with your sexy approach when this crazy lady just wants to pray?! <br />
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He reached over, stuck the key in the door and unlocked it. I bolted like a wild deer! From that moment on, I knew I needed to stop being so naïve if I was going to survive the life of a single woman. <br />
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During this time, there were a couple men who came and went. They were probably great guys, but this girl wasn’t letting her guard down for anyone! No one was going to get even remotely close to this aching heart! And with each bad experience, the wall I had built became thicker and thicker. <br />
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Then I was reunited with a long time friend, began dating, became engaged and planned to marry on October 19, 2002. This relationship was safe because I had known him for many, many years. In fact, my first husband introduced us one day years prior. I knew his family, I knew he was a Christian, I knew everything about him. We tried to make this relationship work and kept struggling to move forward. But this was not from God and after several years it fell apart and I found myself alone once again. <br />
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<span style="color: #e69138;">CHANCE ENCOUNTERS AFTER THE CANCER DIAGNOSIS: </span><br />
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Then there was the tall, dark, handsome and single man who just happened to be painting the offices where I work. He convinced me to make a doctor’s appointment and took me for a couple of the very first doctor’s visits. But when things got intense and I received my Carcinoid diagnosis, he vanished and moved six states away. <br />
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Not long after the diagnosis, another man stepped into my life. Again, my wall was up and the lock on my heart was bolted down! But this patient man was persistent. We spoke a few times and then had dinner together. As we were leaving, he leaned over to give me a completely innocent little kiss. I quickly turned my face and it landed on my cheek. <br />
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When I looked at his shocked face, I began to blush and said, “I’m sorry but I’m not looking for a relationship at this time in my life. I’ve got a lot going on and would really like to just be friends if that’s okay with you.” He smiled and said, “That’s fine.” <br />
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From that point on this man made me feel like a queen. He would pamper me and spoil me. When I was sick, he would hover over me and make sure he was making me feel as comfortable as possible. He worried about me. He prayed for me. But most importantly, he made me laugh…. <br />
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At this point in my life, all I really needed was someone who could really make me laugh and he did that effortlessly. When I was with him, I would life hysterically at the situations we would find ourselves in. I felt safe with him and I enjoyed his company a lot. But there just weren’t any feelings there for me. There was nothing telling me that this might be the man I should marry. In my heart he was (and still is) a very dear friend who was there for me during probably the most difficult time of my life. <br />
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Then one day I heard the Lord say “You can’t more forward until you close this chapter of your life.” And I knew exactly what He was referring to. My intentions were to send my good friend an email the next day explaining how I felt. When I woke up the next morning, there was an email waiting for me. He had called it all off. He didn’t want to remain friends and couldn’t remain in our relationship if that‘s all it was ever going to be. That stung a little but I knew he was right and thanked him for being there for me and for being such a good friend. <br />
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When I look back at what seemed like chance encounters, I realize they didn’t happen by chance at all. Each person who came into my life for one reason or another, was there to teach me something, to show me something, to help mold me into the person I was created to be. <br />
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It wasn’t but a few weeks after my friend and I agreed to not see each other again, I was invited to a single’s picnic. That was the last place on earth I wanted to be. But God had other plans. He knew the plans He had for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me a future and a hope. My journey continued with a covered dish, an empty chair and a broken arm.Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-4799989607040232832012-01-18T00:02:00.000-08:002013-06-06T11:42:39.443-07:00A covered dish, an empty chair and a broken arm<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After several relationships and some real craziness in this
single girl's life, I decided that with the cancer diagnosis I had
more than enough on my plate without complicating it by being in a
relationship. To be completely honest with you, I was really enjoying
being single.
<br />
<br />
For the first time in my life, I did what I wanted to do when I
wanted to do it. If I didn't feel like cleaning the house, I didn't.
If I didn't feel like cooking dinner, I didn't. This was the first
time in my adult life that it was all about me. For the first time in
over forty years, I was getting my nails done, going tanning, joined
the gym and was beginning to really like the lifestyle I found myself
living.
<br />
<br />
For the past twenty plus years without even knowing it, I had
adopted a martyr's mentality. I thought if I put everyone else's needs
before my own that made me a better person. In my singleness I was beginning
to realize that everything has to be kept in check and balance. It
wasn't healthy to put everyone before myself and it wasn't healthy
to make it all about me either. So I was learning how to balance this
tightrope called life and let God show me how to successfully maneuver through my
singleness.
<br />
<br />
Me and kitty just did our own thing and were quite content with
this stage of life. The girls at work however were not impressed with
my decision to remain single. Day after day... after day... they
prodded me to go with them to the single's events. And event after
event I dodged the bullet. But finally they wore me down and I told
them I would go to the Single's Picnic. “I'm only going to one
event!” I demanded. “Then you've got to stop bugging me.” They
agreed and I reluctantly signed up for the picnic.
<br />
<br />
A few days before the picnic I had been canoeing with a friend. We
flipped the canoe and landed in the river. On the way over the side
of the canoe I managed to break my arm. So picture this single girl
attending her first single's event, stumbling across the lawn with a
casserole balanced precariously on her cast. The cast was my excuse
to exit the picnic early. My plan was to smile politely, sit for
about an hour and then take my wounded self home. It sounded
completely reasonable to me.<br />
<br />
As I approached the back porch, I was shocked at how many men and
women were actually there. Stepping past a man sitting on the steps,
my anxiety level began to rise. What in the world was I doing here?
How did I ever let those girls talk me into this?
<br />
<br />
I knew very few of the women and even less
of the men. My eyes glanced around the crowd and before I knew it I
was actually enjoying watching people. There was one desperate girl
there who had me howling with laughter inside. She was working those
men over big time. She had all of their attention. All but one.
<br />
<br />
The man sitting on the bottom step when I arrived was still
sitting there quietly watching the same charades I was watching.
Trying not to be obvious, I would glance in his direction to see if I
could figure him out. He had very kind eyes and a great smile.
Whenever he spoke I tried desperately to hear what he was saying.
When I caught myself I thought, “What are you doing? You've finally
got all your ducks in a row. He could mess up everything!”
<br />
<br />
As I sat in a big blue lawn chair just enjoying the show, everyone
decided to go sit by the bonfire. When I stood, I wasn't certain
whose chair I had been sitting in and was embarrassed I had
forgotten to bring my own. The man with the kind eyes came over and
said “Hi. I'm Joe. That's my chair but you can sit in it. Would you
like me to carry it to the fire for you.”
<br />
<br />
Ms. Independence wanted to snap back “No! I'll get it myself!”
But it was obvious that me and my pathetic cast needed help. So I
simply smiled and followed him to the fire. Once he had me situated
by the fire, he sat on a log beside me. My heart was pounding and I
didn't want to have a conversation with anyone especially not
this Joe guy. He talked with everyone around him and I really enjoyed
listening to his conversations. Then without warning, he turned to me
and tried to strike up a conversation. This anti-social, terrified,
single girl (who looked so confident on the outside) did everything
within her power avoid his attention. It was only a few moments when
I let everyone know that my arm was beginning to bother me and I was
going to go home.<br />
<br />
Joe immediately got up, went and found my casserole dish and
walked me to my car. I quickly threw all of my belongings in the
trunk of my car, thanked him for his help and sped down the driveway
to freedom. I could not wait to get out of that uncomfortable
situation and get back to the safety of my little home and my little
kitty.
<br />
<br />
Finally tucked into bed I began thinking. “I wonder what he's
really like. I wonder what his story is. I wonder if he's really as
nice as he seems. I wonder...” Then I would scold myself for
thinking about him and forced myself to fall asleep.
<br />
<br />
For days I caught myself thinking about this mysterious Joe
Lantini. Every time I did I would scold myself again and turn my
thoughts in a different direction. After a couple of weeks, I was
really upset that he hadn't called. After all I work at the church.
He knows that. All he has to do is call the church and ask for me.
Why isn't he calling. Wasn't he interested in getting to know me? Why
was I so interested in getting to know him then? Stop it! Move on!
Single life is the best!
<br />
<br />
Three months later our singles group was planning another event.
This time they were going on a romantic riverboat excursion featuring
sightseeing, dinner and specialty entertainment. Would he invite me
to go? Would he take someone else? Why am I torturing myself this
way? He probably hasn't thought of me once in the past three months. I mean "come on" it's been three months!
<br />
<br />
One Sunday morning as I was getting dressed to go to church, I was
looking in the mirror thinking about this Joe guy again. Should I go
to the cruise and hope to meet him there? Should I see if he's signed
up to go? Should I just ask him? No. Definitely not that. That's way
too bold.
<br />
<br />
So I said “Lord. If You put him in front of me I'll ask if he's
going. But You've gotta put him right in my face.” After first
service I had to grab some music before second service started. So I
went sprinting up the center aisle and without thinking threw open
the double doors.
<br />
<br />
Guess who I just about knocked out with the double doors. You got
it. That Joe Lantini guy. I could feel the heat in my face as I
apologized for almost knocking him over. He smiled and said “Hey. I
was going to ask if you are going on the Gateway Clipper.” And
before I knew what was happening, a giggly-squeaky little voice came
blaring out of my mouth saying, “I'll go if you are!”
<br />
<br />
Again, the heat in my face got more intense. What is wrong with
me? Why am I acting so desperate? I thought I liked being single.
What in the world is going on with me?
<br />
<br />
The long and short of it... we went to the Gateway Clipper with a
van full of others but for four hours it was just the two of us. We
talked non-stop and laughed like there was no one else around. We
stood on the deck and tried desperately to find something we had in
common. The only thing we found we had in common was God.
<br />
<br />
Joe had just graduated from Teen Challenge a year earlier after
being an alcoholic and drug addict for thirty years. As he shared his
story with me, my mind kept screaming “What are you doing? Why
aren't you running?” I couldn't believe some of the things he had
been through and some of the things he had experienced. I couldn't
believe he was being so open. I couldn't believe I wasn't scared to
death. Why was I so enamored by this man and where did I really think this relationship was going to end up?
<br />
<br />
Joe and I couldn't have come from more opposite lives. He had
experienced so much destruction and devastation caused by his choices
and addictions. I had been a Christian for over twenty-five years. I
lived a cushy life at home as a child and had everything I needed handed to me.
Married at age nineteen, althought my divorce was tough but my marriage of twenty years was also pretty
cushy. Up until the last five years or so, I lived the Hallmark dream
in the little house with a white picket fence and 2.5 children.
<br />
<br />
The evening ended far too quickly but I was certain Joe would
call. Days passed. Weeks passed. Months passed and again I lie in bed
thinking about this man and hating him for not calling. Was he
playing with my emotions? What was his deal?
<br />
<br />
Finally I decided to call the Teen Challenge director who happened
to be a good friend of mine. As I was dialing his number I was saying
to myself “If Kevin says even one bad thing about Joe I will never
think of him (or speak his name) again.”
<br />
<br />
After stammering around for several minutes, I finally blurted out
that I wanted to know what Kevin knew about this Joe Lantini guy.
Immediately, Kevin started laughing and teasing. What in the world
made me think this was a good idea? Gosh I wish I hadn't called him!
<br />
<br />
Kevin had nothing but good to say about Joe. He told me all about
his past and his journey through Teen Challenge. He told how honest
and transparent Joe is and before hanging up Kevin said, “Hey!
Don't forget... I do weddings” and he began laughing. I hung up the
phone and never even said goodbye. Well, now what? I can't find
anything bad about a man who won't even call me.
<br />
<br />
A few weeks later, I went to a Teen Challenge banquet with another
man. We had gone to the Teen Challenge banquets for several years
together. It was our annual date night. I felt safe in that
relationship because I knew it wasn't going anywhere and we
just had a lot of fun together.
<br />
<br />
Toward the end of the evening Joe came up to me and asked, “Can
I call you sometime?” Finally. I said 'yes' and the rest is
history. Eight months and several confirmations from God later, I was
Mrs. Joseph J. Lantini Jr.
<br />
<br />
Kevin did our wedding and to this day teases me about that phone
call. I had no intentions of ever remarrying. I was content being
single. Or at least that's what I was trying to convince myself. But
God had a plan and it was a good plan.
<br />
<br />
Here we are many years later and I don't know how I would have
ever gotten this far without him. We've had our moments and it's not
always been easy. But we both know that it was God Who brought us
together and He will continue to unfold His plan as we continue to walk out our
destinies together. Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-13823075652353974282012-01-17T21:58:00.000-08:002013-06-04T22:26:41.195-07:00A modern day love story <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-elEs820VbmQ/Ua7GjNjwA-I/AAAAAAAAAPM/HH3d8ydGqrA/s1600/Love_Story_12808174_413616c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-elEs820VbmQ/Ua7GjNjwA-I/AAAAAAAAAPM/HH3d8ydGqrA/s200/Love_Story_12808174_413616c.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
We just returned home from one of many,
many, many visits to the Cancer Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. And once
again I am rejoicing because they allowed me to drink the clear
contrast and not the white contrast. It's the little things that make
me so happy! It's a toss up between the two concoctions because the
clear contrast burns like chemicals going down... but the white
contrast doesn't go down! So I'm always excited when I get the
chemical contrast.
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
We went to the doctors office directly
following the CT Scan and she confirmed that all of my blood work
came back normal. Which to this day I still don't understand how
someone can be so ill and their blood work is 'normal.' But okay.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
However during our visit, the doctor
did mention she noticed several new lesions on my liver that weren't
there six months ago. She is having the radiologist look at them and
will get back to me to let me know what's going on. She couldn't say
if they were tumors but she did begin talking about Chemo
Embolization; a procedure we discussed at the beginning of this
journey. I clearly remember her saying that Chemo Embolization
wouldn't cure the Carcinoid but it would 'buy me time' at the end of
the disease. So when she began talking about setting up a date for
the Chemo Embolization my heart sank. </div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Joe and I have talked (of course) and
we decided we have trusted the Lord this far... and we're not backing
down now. So we will wait to see what's next. We decided we are just
in the “What in the world” stage of this miracle. You know...
like when Daniel obeyed God and ended up standing in the middle of
the lion's den. Surely he said, “What in the world?!” And when
Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego were thrown into the fire. I know they
said, “What in the world?!” Or Moses. God delivered him from so
much only to lead him to the Red Sea. Can't you just see him standing
there facing the Red Sea, knowing he was trapped and feeling like the
situation was hopeless? I imagine he threw his hands up in the air,
looked toward Heaven and said, “What in the world?!” They didn't
know the rest of their story. There was no way for them to know the
miracle they were about to witness. That's where Joe and I believe we
are; facing the Red Sea saying “What in the world?!” We know
(through all of the trials we have already been through) that our
Lord will deliver us once again. This diagnosis certainly isn't what
Joe and I expected to hear. But we trust God and know He has an
incredible plan for us.
</div>
<br />
The next day Joe and I traveled to
Cleveland to attend his niece's wedding. At the reception, as Joe and
I were slow dancing I began to cry. There were so many thoughts
racing through my mind; so many fears trying to grip my soul. My
greatest fear was losing Joe! I couldn't speak so I just let
him hold me close as I tried to hide the tears that were rolling down
my cheeks. He held me close and said, “We're going to get through
this baby! We'll be alright.”
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Two days later while at work, I
received an email from the nurse practitioner. After reading the
first two lines, I knew this was not going to work out the way Joe
and I had prayed. The nurse practitioner began the email with
“Brenda, we need to discuss the CT results. Is there a number I can
call you at? It is much as the doctor feared. I'm so sorry to have to
give you this news.”
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
She called me at work and continued by
explaining that the tumors in my liver had grown considerably and
there were several more new tumors. She said “We need to set you up
and begin Chemo Embolization. We believe with Chemo Embolization (if
all goes well) we can buy you 18-24 months. If you tolerate it well,
we can repeat the procedure but you have to understand it's a little
less effective each time we administer it.” My mind raced to Joe,
my children and my grandchildren. How was I going to tell Joe that not
only are the tumors larger but there are several more tumors; when he
truly believed all of the tumors were going to be gone?
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
How do I call my daughter in Wyoming to
let her know that her mom in Ohio is really sick? If I die now, my
grand babies will never know me. I'll be nothing more than a picture
they call Mimi. Oh God. This can't be happening. I don't understand
– WHY?!</div>
<br />
Finally after about 10 minutes of my
mind spinning, I decided to go home. I needed to be in Joe's arms. I
needed to have him hold me tight. When I finally arrived home and
walked through the front door, Joe came out of the bedroom laughing
and said, “Hey Baby. Whatcha doing?” When his eyes met mine, he
immediately began to cry and said, “NO! Oh please no!”
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
We sat on the couch and held each other
for quite a while before we were able to begin talking. Thinking how
we had only been married for two years, I looked at Joe and said,
“Joe, if I had known this was going to happen I would have never
married you. I'm so sorry.” He looked at me and said, “If I had
known how bad it hurt to really love someone, I would have never
married you. So now that that's settled, let's never go there again.”
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I got as close to Joe as I could and
said, “Please hold me REALLY tight!” It's amazing the comfort and
peace I find in his arms. What would I ever do without him? God has
certainly blessed me beyond anything I could have ever hoped or
dreamed.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Joe's mom died of cancer several years
earlier, so he is very aware of how difficult this path could become;
yet he is determined to trust God and love me through it all.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As Joe held me tight, he continued to
cry. I've known Joe for a little over three years now and this is the
first time I've seen him cry. He started to talk about how he had
watched “Love Story” years ago but decided it was just too
painful to think about. So we sat quietly on the couch holding each
other and letting it sink into our spirits that our lives just took a
drastic turn.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Just one week prior, Joe and I were on
our way to church talking about the revival that was going on in
Florida. Our pastors would be back from being at that particular
revival this morning. They declared before they went that they were
going to go and “bring revival back with them.” I clearly
remember telling Joe, “You can't just run to Florida, pick up a
miracle and bring it home in your pocket!”
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
That was a week ago. When Joe looked at
me (as we sat on the couch trying to grasp the new diagnosis we just
received), he said “Honey... what do you think about going to
Florida?” Funny how quick our attitudes and ideas can change in
seven short days. Instantly I replied “Sure! Why not?! Let's go.”
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In the following several days, God and
I had some intense conversations. I was battling fear big time so I slept on the couch with praise music playing in my ear buds. In the middle of the night, He woke me and asked “What is it you want?” I thought for a moment and
said “I want a miracle and a healing ministry.” Then I drifted
back to sleep. With total peace in my heart once again about the most
recent diagnosis. I decided to trust God no matter what happened.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
But, my concern now was for Joe. What
if we didn't go to Florida and (God forbid) I passed away. Would he
spend the rest of his life being tormented by “What if.” What if
we had gone to Florida? What if we had done the Chemo Embolization?
What if I had taken her to another doctor? What if.” I didn't want
him to ever feel like he hadn't done everything within his power to
help me. So I made a conscious decision to let him decide whether we
go to Florida or not. And whether I actually go through the Chemo
Embolization or not. My heart was at peace and I was okay if we
didn't do either. But I wanted Joe to also have peace in the
decisions we were making. Sometimes I think it's so much harder
on the Care Giver than it is the actual patient.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
That evening Joe got on the computer
and spent several hours every night for over a week looking for
airline tickets to Florida. He was willing to pay far more for the
tickets than I was, but for whatever reason every time he tried to
purchase the tickets he was denied. Finally on Sunday morning, he
looked at me and said, “Honey. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe God
doesn't want us to go to Florida. If we are declined again, are you
alright with not going?” I assured him that I was.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It wasn't five minutes later when Joe
had purchased two airline tickets for under $400. That was less than
half the price of ONE ticket earlier. God had opened the door wide
open and we were scheduled to fly out of Pittsburgh on a Friday and
return on Sunday. This means we won't need to miss work either. God
is amazing and His plans are so much better than any of ours.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Within two weeks of purchasing the
tickets, God used people to bless us more than we could have ever
expected. The first blessing was finding tickets at such a great
price. Then our landlord told Joe, “We just want you to know we
tore up your rent check. Use that money to take your wife to Florida
for a healing.”
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
We received two cards in the mail
totaling $250. A lady came into my office and wrote a check for $200
even after I told her we had everything covered. She said, “Listen
honey. I'm just being obedient to the Lord.”
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Another dear friend handed Joe a $200
check in church and someone we love dearly gave us his Stimulus Check
of $300 plus another $50. With a grand total of $1,375! We serve such
an awesome God. He always gives far above anything we could
anticipate. What a blessing to be able to go to Florida and not worry
about how we're going to pay for it. The remaining money will be used
to bring our children and grandchildren home from Wyoming during the
Chemo Embolization. </div>
Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-63309806718004069702012-01-15T11:12:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:47:33.692-07:00Don't sign for that!<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q3TvrciGXlE/T3yOja1ySYI/AAAAAAAAAHs/GIpQSbX3nqw/s1600/anthrax.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="105" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q3TvrciGXlE/T3yOja1ySYI/AAAAAAAAAHs/GIpQSbX3nqw/s200/anthrax.jpg" width="200" /></a><em>Mark 10:51 Jesus asks blind Bartimeaus, “What do you want Me to do for you?”</em><br />
<br />
Have you ever received a ‘bad report’? Have you ever sat in a doctor’s office and heard “I’m sorry. It’s incurable, Stage Four Cancer”?<br />
<br />
On Friday, February 13th, 2004, I heard just that. I could feel the heat in my face while an icy chill ran down my spine. I looked at my daughter. She had tears in her eyes. My mom looked at me (her daughter) with tears in her eyes and we all stood in total silence; not quite sure what we were to do next. My heart screamed, “This can’t be happening!” My thoughts ran wild with “what ifs,” “whys,” and “what now” questions.<br />
<br />
Imagine the UPS man arrives at your front door with a package in his hands. When you reach for the package you notice several warning labels slapped on the outside of the box. Warnings such as; “Recipient acknowledges that by signing for this package they are agreeing to unquestionably accept the contents of said package.” You slowly turn the package over and see the single word ANTHRAX! I would imagine you would immediately hand the package back to the UPS man and say “I’m not accepting this!”<br />
<br />
One of the very first lessons I learned through this cancer journey was “Don’t sign for that!” Every time I would go to tell someone “I have cancer…” or even say “my cancer…” Holy Spirit would stop me immediately. “Don’t sign for that! Don’t claim that! Don’t put your name on that! Don’t call it your own!!”<br />
<br />
At first, I felt like such a hypocrite. What do I tell people when they ask? That’s when I discovered that the definition of <em>diagnosis</em> is “a medical <em>guess</em> at the cause of specific symptoms.” I can live with that! So from that point on I would tell people “I was <em>diagnosed</em> with cancer… or my <em>diagnosis</em> was cancer.” The diagnosis I could claim and sign for. But I wasn’t putting my name on the cancer! I wasn’t calling it my own!<br />
<br />
Ask yourself these two questions: #1 what is the enemy trying to get you to sign for: disease, death, financial loss, divorce, etc,? Have you already signed for that deadly package? Have you already accepted and claimed it as your own?<br />
<br />
Now ask yourself: #2 “What do you want God to do for you?” Is He able to answer your request? Is it true that NOTHING is impossible for Him? Do you believe the Word of God completely (or just in part)? <br />
<br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-65063896442206937042012-01-13T14:36:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:48:58.129-07:00Your Brain ~ Don’t leave home without it<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SbBulWkoY3I/UHmHeaHniaI/AAAAAAAAAKk/EPVikZu5LVE/s1600/officer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SbBulWkoY3I/UHmHeaHniaI/AAAAAAAAAKk/EPVikZu5LVE/s200/officer.jpg" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN">Have you ever had so much on your mind that you almost felt like you were watching your life go past like a movie? Have you ever been under so much stress that you do things and don’t even remember doing them? Like putting the dish soap in the refrigerator or spraying deodorant on as hairspray? Ya, me neither. <br />
<br />
During the time of my diagnosis and everything else that was going on in my life, I actually had family members who refused to ride in a car with me. I would get so deep into thought as I was driving that I would drift into the passing lane and not even know it. It’s a wonder I was never killed or never killed anyone else. <br />
<br />
The scariest drive I ever took was when I drove about 30 minutes home one sunny afternoon. But when I walked through the front door of my house I couldn’t remember how I got there. I didn’t remember driving at all! Now that’s scary. <br />
<br />
It was also during this time that God had His hand of protection on me like never before. Much like a loving Father would do He had people on every side protecting and guiding me along the way. </span></div>
<br />
<span lang="EN">For instance, one night I was driving up Route 62.
As I drove I was thinking about my recent diagnosis and how that was going to affect not only my life but the lives of my children and family. Would I die quickly or would I linger on? Did I want to die quickly or would I rather die slowly? Would it be the same way as Dad died or would it be different. Will I have to endure a lot of medical procedures or will it just be a matter of keeping me ‘as comfortable as possible?’
So many unanswered questions, so many thoughts, so much to worry about. <br />
<br />
Suddenly there were red and blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. Where in the world did he come from? Was he trying to get around me or was it me he was after? It didn’t take but a few moments to realize that it was in fact me he was trying to pull over. <br />
<br />
For whatever strange reason the officer came very slowly up to the passenger side window of my car. Looking into the car as he got closer and closer. I reached over and wound down the passenger side window. That’s when he immediately shined his 1,000 watt flashlight in my eyes and demanded, “Do you know what you just did?!” I paused and then said, “Was I speeding?” “Besides that!” he yelled back at me. <br />
<br />
By now my mind was really spinning and I began to wonder if I had caused an accident or ran someone over. What could I have possibly done that had upset him so bad? </span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN">Seems, according to the officer, I had run him off the road as I flew past him and several other cars that I don’t ever remember seeing.
This is when the proverbial straw broke the camel's back. It had been ten days since my diagnosis, I had my MRIs and CT Scans on the seat beside me and my appointment with a second doctor in Pittsburgh was the following morning. For ten days I had remained strong and in control, but this chance meeting with an officer on Route 62 threw me into a tail spin. <br />
<br />
I began to cry. Not a “I don’t want a ticket” kind of cry. More of a “you better call for backup” kind of cry. The more I cried the harder I shook. I couldn’t contain what was exploding from inside. I couldn’t stop it and I couldn’t control it. I just sobbed and cried and shook and snotted and had a complete and total melt down right there in front of this officer who was already thinking I was crazy for running him off the road. <br />
<br />
As I melted down, I was searching for my license and registration card. Finally I handed them over to the officer who just stood there staring at me. He said, “Lady, are you okay?” and I really started bawling then. “No! I’m not okay! I was just diagnosed with cancer, my kids aren’t dealing well with it, I’m not dealing well with it, I’ve got to go tomorrow for more news from a second doctor, and…..” I went on and on and on giving this poor man my life’s history in about 15 seconds. <br />
<br />
He never said a word, just turned and went back to his car. He was in his car for what seemed like an eternity before he walked back up to the driver’s window. Still writing my ticket, he said “Have they diagnosed your cancer as terminal?” and I said “I will find out for sure tomorrow in Pittsburgh.” Instantly he stopped writing, looked me in the eyes and said, “I don’t know about your God… but my God is a God of miracles! You don’t know what He has planned through this… His plans aren’t our plans…” <br />
<br />
Then he asked about my children and continued with a ten minute sermon straight from the throne of God. If Jesus Himself had said the words that were coming out of this officer’s mouth, it wouldn’t have been any clearer. The police officer continued by saying “It says in Philippians for me to live is Christ and to die is gain. He’s not finished with you yet. And which would be worse… to have your children lose you to cancer or for me to call them tonight and tell you were killed in a car accident?!” <br />
<br />
At this point he looked back down and finished filling out the ticket. He tore it off his pad and handed it to me with one last word of advice. “You!” he said firmly, “Have to start paying closer attention to your driving! You don’t want to be killed in a car accident and you don’t want to kill anyone else either! This is a written warning… but I don’t want to see you driving this way again.” <br />
<br />
He took one step away, stopped, looked at me once more and said, “I’ll be praying for a good report tomorrow.” I just sat there trying to digest everything he had said and thanking God not only that I hadn’t killed someone but that I didn’t have to pay a ticket either. <br />
<br />
God knows exactly how to get our attention when He needs to get our attention. And He will use flashing lights and a man in uniform when necessary. <br />
</span>Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-75455830926775796512012-01-12T12:31:00.000-08:002013-06-04T08:27:49.602-07:00Searching for the Silver Lining ~ are you up to the challenge<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OvaqbKwN-gs/Ua4HH3u6K0I/AAAAAAAAAO8/u6Zkldq2aUs/s1600/50783.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="80" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OvaqbKwN-gs/Ua4HH3u6K0I/AAAAAAAAAO8/u6Zkldq2aUs/s200/50783.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
Over four years ago, I
felt the Lord telling me to stop taking the Sandostatin injections
because of the side effects and incredible weight gain. I battled
with the idea for quite some time and finally decided that if I
didn't stop taking the Sandostatin I was soon going to weigh 600lbs
and probably die of a stroke or heart attack. So which was worse:
having the Carcinoid symptoms or allowing the Sandostatin to cause
other health issues of it's own. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I remember clearly the
day I went into my doctor's office to let him know that I wasn't
going to be taking any more injections. I waited until he weighed me,
checked me and finally gave the injection. Then I simply said “Dr.
I'm going to stop taking these injections for a while and see how I
feel and if my weight will begin to go back down a little.” <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
His face contorted into
an angry grimace as he said in a very slow and evil tone “You're
making a terrible mistake... You're going to get sick you know...
You're going to be in so much pain! You'll be back!! This is a very
bad decision. These shots are lengthening your life span you know!
You'll be in so much pain... You'll be back....” <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As I walked out of his
office, fear kept trying to grip my soul and I began to second guess
whether I had truly heard from God or not. “Oh gosh! Have I made a
mistake? Am I going to get really sick? Should I just go back and
tell him I changed my mind? Will this shorten my life?!!” But I bit
my lip and went to my car praying that God would show up and help me
once again. <br />
<br />
Days and then weeks
went by and I felt the same; no pain, no sickness, nothing out of the
ordinary. As each day passed, I felt better about my decision and
knew that I really had heard from God after all. I also knew if I
ever had to begin taking those injections again I was never going
back to Dr. Gloom & Doom! <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Here's the thing: I
believe that cancer patients should have the final word in what
treatments they will or will not endure. I believe that unless the
patient is completely incoherent, their opinions and their feelings
should always trump everyone else's. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes, family members
should get involved in the process of deciding what action/treatments
to take. But in the end the patient should get the final word. Here's
why: when you are labeled with an incurable disease you feel totally
and completely at the mercy of that disease. You feel vulnerable and
weak. You feel like you are at the mercy of not only the disease but
at the doctors who are (let's be frank here) only guessing at what
your best course of action is. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
There's something
empowering when you take control of the reins and start making
important decisions about your life and your well being.
Unfortunately with a cancer diagnosis, fear normally has the upper
hand. Fear normally causes folks to jump at the very first thing
offered. For most patients they will do anything out of desperation
to just be cured... to just be healed. They will drink the craziest
concoctions, rub on the strangest oils, pray the most desperate
prayers all in an attempt to get away from the curse that has been
put on them. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's only those
patients who have total and complete trust in Someone much bigger
than themselves who can slow everything down and control the fear
that tries to overtake them. It's those folks who have learned how to
delve into the word of God and hear His voice who don't feel like
they are at the mercy of the physicians and/or the disease. These are
the people you see sitting in the doctor's office with a smile on
their face and peace in their eyes.<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Isaiah 48:17 – This
is what the Lord says – I am the Lord your God Who teaches you what
is best for you. Who directs you in the way you should go. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm not implying that
just because you have a relationship with God means there is no fear
or you don't worry you're making the wrong choices. I'm simply saying
that much like the eye of the hurricane; you can still have great
peace when everything around you is in complete turmoil. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Fast forward over four
years: At my Carcinoid Specialist's appointment in Columbus, my
primary physician suggests I begin the Sandostatin injections once
again. She said the tumors hadn't progressed much but that the
injections would keep them in check and would also help with the
flushing and diarrhea I was experiencing. Being the stubborn woman
that I am I simply said, “Let me pray about it and I'll let you
know...” You could tell she wasn't happy with my decision but she
remained quiet. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
After receiving the
doctor's prescription for monthly Sandostatin injections once again,
I began seeking God for direction. Should I take the shot or should I
continue to go without them. The doctor believes they will be
beneficial but I really don't want to put that stuff in my system
again. Am I just being stubborn and stupid or should I begin taking
them again. <br />
<br />
So my prayer went
something like this “Lord, I don't know what to do here. Would you
please confirm if You want me to go ahead and start the injections
again?” Then I went on about my daily routine. It wasn't but about
two days later when I became violently ill. To the point where I
ended up in the emergency room. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Seriously, I haven't
been that sick in years! So the answer to my prayer was pretty
clear... go back on the Sandostatin. Be careful of what you pray for.
You might not like the answer He gives you. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's so easy to have
all the faith you need when you're feeling good. But when the stomach
pains and flushing starts so does the battle of the mind. And I
believe the battle of the mind is the most intense part of the entire
journey. <br />
<br />
Am I making the right
decisions? Am I seeing the right doctor? Should I take the
medications prescribed? Should I try something more natural? Does my
doctor know what he/she is really doing? Am I just a Guinea pig? <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You could literally
drive yourself crazy with all the questions and all the feelings and
all the grief and all the fear. The moment a person receives a cancer
diagnosis the first thing essential lesson they better learn quick is
how to control their thoughts! If you allow your thoughts to go
wherever they choose, you are going to be a very depressed, bitter,
angry and fearful person. You better grab those reins quickly and
hold on tight to them throughout the entire journey! Or that pony is
gonna take off bucking and kicking. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I've always been a
glass is half empty kinda girl. Looking back at pictures of my
childhood clearly show that. I was always frowning or angry, always
felt like the outcast and the unloved. To this day, I have to keep a
check on my expectations because if I'm not careful I can take
anything/everything personal. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As I sulked my way to
Columbus to begin the Sandostatin injections again, I kept
questioning God. Did you ever have a child in the backseat of the car
saying “Do we really have to go there?! I don't wanna go! Why are
you making me go there?!” That's pretty much what was going on
inside my mind as we traveled for three hours to get to the Cancer
Hospital.<br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Through this adventure
I've literally had to learn how to brain wash myself. When my
thoughts began screaming negative things... I would turn on praise
music. When fear would hover over me at night when I couldn't
sleep... I would turn on praise music. When I caught myself looking
at my grandchildren and wondering if they would even remember me... I
would turn on praise music. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don't want to get too
deep here, but in the book of Daniel you will read that satan was the
worship leader in Heaven before he was cast out of Heaven because of
his pride issues. So if he was the worship leader then we know that
he knows how to use music to his advantage. </div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Surely you've noticed
how head banging music stirs up anger and anxiety in a person who
listens to it on a regular basis. Or how soft soothing music can calm
your spirit and actually help you go to sleep. If you want to teach
your child their ABCs how do you do that? By singing My ABCs. Why do
you think they insert music into movies? To create the mood they want
you to feel (fear, anger, happiness, etc.) Even commercials use music
to sell their product. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So if we can agree that
music is so powerful, then why aren't we using it when we are
fearful, or angry, or sad? I gotta tell ya... nothing pulls me out of
a depressed funk like some good old praise music. Once I begin
remembering how big my God is and how small my problem is to Him,
there's an almost instant change in my attitude and my thoughts. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could go on forever
about music but I'm just gonna say this one thing: I dare you to put
what I'm telling you to the test. When you go to bed tonight, pull
out your MP3 player and your ear buds. Play some soothing praise
music that talks about the goodness and grace of God. Let it play all
night while you're sleeping and see how you feel in the morning. I
can almost guarantee that your spirit will have been nourished and
you will feel like conquering yet another day. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This cancer battle is
all about transforming your mind. Life in general is all about
transforming your mind. Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this
world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by
testing... you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and
acceptable and perfect. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This journey had been
transforming me into a “glass is half full” kinda girl. And I'm
learning that there is always a silver lining in every cloud.
Sometimes you gotta really search for it though. <br />
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Are you up to the
challenge?
</div>
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-71250021501141217632012-01-12T12:22:00.000-08:002013-06-05T22:17:32.930-07:00It ain't over until He says it's over<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_mSh_2eXPGA/UHmF8hY_D8I/AAAAAAAAAKc/mlEN0ryHYy0/s1600/butterfly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_mSh_2eXPGA/UHmF8hY_D8I/AAAAAAAAAKc/mlEN0ryHYy0/s200/butterfly.jpg" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN">If you remember, doctors told me on February 13, 2004 I only had three months to live and to get my affairs in order. Then again in July 2008, they said they could “buy me” approximately twelve months if they did the chemo embolization. I’m typing this entry now almost ten years past my first diagnosis and five years past my twelve month chemo diagnosis. Man keeps trying to stamp me with an expiration date and God keeps wiping it off. <br />
<br />
I began to realize that sometimes a medical diagnosis can also be a word curse. Word curses are those things that people say to us or we say to others and to ourselves. Word curses (if believed) can literally change a person’s destiny and the way they look at themselves. For example, it is said if you take a child of normal intelligence and repeatedly tell them they are stupid, they will grown up believing they are stupid. There are adults today who still struggle with the things that were said to them as a child. <br />
<br />
The great thing about word curses though is that they are only effective if you accept them. Let me explain: I’ve lost several close friends to cancer. As I watched them go, I learned some valuable lessons on the power of the mind. Once a person is given the big “C” diagnosis, they have to make a choice. Will they fall apart and lose all hope or will they walk it out and see what God is going to do through their diagnosis. <br />
<br />
Hope is an extremely powerful four-letter word. Hope is everything. Without hope we have nothing. With hope we are unstoppable. The enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy and he can take just about everything in our life. He can take our marriage, our children, our home, our finances… but he can’t take our hope without us willingly handing it over. <br />
<br />
So where does Hope come from? It is rooted and anchored in the love of Christ. He is our Hope. In His love we can conquer anything. In every circumstance Christ promises to work ALL things out for His glory (Romans 8:28) and that no weapon formed against you shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). <br />
<br />
If we put our hope in Him, we can find total peace in the midst of the worst of storms. It’s only when we put our hope in doctors or medicines that we get frustrated and fearful. Again, I’m not saying to deny your diagnosis and not seek treatment. I’m saying keep it in perspective and keep your eyes on and your hope in Christ. The One who took a horrendous beating for your healing. Isaiah 53:5 says that it was by His stripes that we were healed. <br />
<br />
I can almost feel people’s hair beginning to bristle and hear them screaming “I did that and my mom/dad/baby died anyways!! I believed in miracles and nothing happened! How can you say that?!” Trust me, I’ve seen enough seemingly unanswered prayers myself. The most devastating being the death of my own father. <br />
<br />
This book is not a magic cure all, nor is it a lucky rabbit’s foot and I'm certainly not asking you to live in denial. </span><span lang="EN">I’m not giving you step by step directions on how to get every miracle you’ve ever asked for. God’s ways are not our ways. Sometimes what we want does not line up with what He wants. And if I can be frank ~ He’s a lot smarter than any of us will ever be. </span></div>
<br />
<span lang="EN">So even when a prayer seems to go unnoticed and you’re devastated by the outcome, if you continue to keep your eyes on Him you will begin to see the plan and purpose behind it all. Jeremiah 29:11 says “I know the plans I have for you. Thoughts for peace and not evil. To give you a future and a HOPE.” Tragically, many people walk away from God when their prayers aren't answered the way they thought they should have been. <br />
<br />
So what should we do when the miracle doesn’t come? Remember God's Love IN YOU never stops believing and never gives up! His love can't fail! His love produces hope and hope is Life. No hope ~ no life. Don't lose your hope. Stay close to His love.<br />
<br />
A perfect example of losing hope was watching how once a cancer diagnosis was given, 50% of my friends walked it out and lived far beyond their diagnosis and 50% gave up immediately and died quicker than anyone could have imagined. <br />
<br />
We had a close friend, Donnie who was an extreme case. Joe and I were at his bedside when the doctor came in and said “Donnie, I’m so sorry…. You have stage 4 terminal cancer.” We all stood in disbelief because Donnie wasn’t really that sick; a few aches and pains and some stomach problems. We never dreamed it would be cancer. Once the doctor said the big “C” word, everyone in the room was silent and it felt like the world had stopped. <br />
<br />
Donnie looked at me (knowing my diagnosis) and I immediately went to his side. “Donnie” I said holding my two closed hands in front of me “If I told you I had healing in my right hand and nothing in my left hand, which hand would you choose?” Donnie looked at me for a moment and then slowly said, “I don’t know.” <br />
<br />
Donnie’s greatest obstacle was the fear of pain. He told every nurse and doctor, “Please! Just don’t let me suffer!” Donnie was a baby Christian and knew the Lord but his diagnosis became much bigger than His Lord. The fear of suffering haunted him day and night and we were shocked as we watched our friend shrivel up and die in just a few short weeks; way before the doctors ever expected him to. <br />
<br />
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not talking about positive confession or wishing our illness away. I’m simply suggesting we keep everything in proper perspective. God first… then our circumstances. Not vice versa. The moment we make our circumstance bigger than our God, we’ve lost the battle. <br />
<br />
If I hadn’t gone through the divorce, the loss of my father, the loss of my children, the loss of everything in my life ~ I may not have had the faith I needed to face the cancer diagnosis. Each trial I had gone through showed me His faithfulness and His love for me. So when the cancer diagnosis came along I was able to remind myself that He had never let me down and He’s not going to start now. <br />
<br />
Has it always been easy? No way! The greatest battle in a cancer diagnosis is controlling your thought life and not allowing word curses (via a diagnosis) to drain you of your faith. <br />
<br />
Speaking of word curses. People are so peculiar sometimes! I could write a book simply using the statements that unthinking, uncaring, uncompassionate people have said to me since the beginning of this journey. I’ll give you just one of my favorites: <br />
<br />
After receiving the chemo seeds in my liver I felt like someone had literally taken an ice cream scoop and scooped out my soul. I was in so much pain and was so sick that there was nothing else in me. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to be talked to. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t even want to see someone else eating. And you know I was sick when I silently wished everyone would just leave me alone. The talking and laughter just made my stomach turn all the more. As much as I love my grandbabies… I almost couldn’t bear to be around them. All their activity drove me crazy. (I can’t believe I even typed this because there is nothing and no one on this earth more precious than my grandbabies!!) But that’s just how sick I really was. <br />
<br />
So there I was lying on the couch praying I would just die and a lady knocks at the front door. Now I know this lady from church. We aren’t close friends or anything; just acquaintances. She walks in with a big smile and her arms were full with a covered casserole dish, cookies and a get well card. </span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN">After sitting everything down in the kitchen, she came back into the living room and sat on the couch at my feet. We chit chatted for a few minutes and I thanked her for being so kind to bring the food and card. <br />
<br />
Then the visit took an abrupt turn! This sweet Christian woman looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Now Brenda…. you know… not everyone gets a healing!” I was shocked and stunned and didn’t even know how to reply. I just sat there staring at her as she spewed out a list of names of people she knew (including some of my friends) who passed away with cancer and how I just needed to come to terms with the fact that I too was dying. <br />
<br />
From the time I was a small child, I remember my mama saying “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say nothing at all!” There were more than enough words swirling around in my brain and I fought like crazy to keep them from escaping my lips and flying out of my mouth! I sat silently in disbelief and let her go on and on and on and on. Finally I had a thought and told my unwanted visitor that I really needed to go lie down and would she mind leaving. She didn’t mind (I didn’t either). After all she felt she had said everything she needed to by then. <br />
<br />
It took me several days (maybe even weeks)… to recover from the things she said to me that day. You know to be completely honest… I’m still not over the things she said to me that day. At first I was depressed and fearful and wondered if God had told her something about me and this was His way of preparing my heart for the looming death sentence she had given me. Then once again I turned to the Bible and worship music to build my faith back up and realized that was not a word from God ~ that was a word from a crazy woman who shouldn’t be visiting people when they are sick. <br />
<br />
This cancer journey has had many ups and downs. One day I felt great and ready to conquer the world and the next I was fearful and depressed and wondered how much time I really had left. There have been nights when I could literally feel death looming over me and threatening to take control. My heart has ached many times when I would allow my mind to think about how my grandchildren may never remember me when they get older. At one point, I had to make a choice to stop worrying about what will happen to my grandchildren, my children, my Joe and simply start living. <br />
<br />
In case you were never told, let me be the first to tell you (much like my unwanted visitor)… we are all ‘terminal’. No one escapes this life alive. On the very day we were born, God also had a date when our time here on earth would be done. Look at any tombstone and you’ll see a date for the birth and a date for the death. But what really matters is how the person spent the dash between the two. </span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN">After thinking about it, I decided that I wasn't going to worry about what <em>might</em> happen when in fact there are 100 different ways I could die. I could pull out in front of a truck today and be killed instantly. That doesn't stop me from hopping in the car and going places. So I'm not going to give a cancer diagnosis any more of my thoughts and/or time. God knows when I will leave this earth and that's good enough for me. </span><br />
<span lang="EN"><br />
Cancer is so limited.... It cannot cripple love. It cannot shatter hope. It cannot corrode faith. It cannot eat away peace. It cannot destroy confidence. It cannot kill friendship. It cannot shut out memories. It cannot silence courage. It cannot reduce eternal life. It cannot quench the Spirit. ~ Author Unknown</span><br />
<br />
There is great freedom in realizing that a cancer diagnosis does not take God by surprise and it does not mess up His plan for our lives. In fact, when you do Cancer God's Way, it makes you a more compassionate person, a stronger person, a more focused and praying person. My diganosis caused a paradigm shift in my life. The things that used to drive me crazy don't bother me at all now. My whole perspective has changed. The things of this world are meaningless and like a vapor. They will one day pass away. It's the things of God that will last for eternity and those are the things I choose to spend my time on. <br />
<br />
The greatest revelation I've had so far during this journey is: I'm only responsible for me and what I do with this life that has been given to me. I can waste it on worry or I can do my best to pour into the lives of others. I choose to pour into the lives of others. <br />
<br />
Obviously the doctors were incorrect when they told me to get my affairs in order so many years ago. However, had I grabbed ahold of that word curse and accepted it, I may not be sitting here writing this book today. A word curse is only effective if you believe it. I choose to believe the Word of God and it says that "by His stripes we were healed." <br />
<br />
So, just to make it perfectly clear, doing cancer God's Way simply means realizing that "It ain't over until He says it's over!"Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-87202264153361093912012-01-11T12:10:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:49:36.079-07:00What is this life really all about?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RA6KRf5m_SI/UHmFAocSJyI/AAAAAAAAAKU/W5Xe_qSr77A/s1600/meaning-of-life.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RA6KRf5m_SI/UHmFAocSJyI/AAAAAAAAAKU/W5Xe_qSr77A/s200/meaning-of-life.jpg" width="200" /></a><span lang="EN">As I sit here watching an internet livestream of a Memorial Service for a little four-year-old boy who lost his battle with cancer, I couldn’t help but ask God “What is this life really about?! Why does a four-year-old boy have to suffer and die from cancer? What is the purpose of this life and all the trials we go through?” I didn’t get an immediate answer and I’m still trying to process the answer I did get hours later, but here are my thoughts on what this life is really all about:<br />
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First let’s start with what this life is NOT about. It’s not about making lots of money. Money can disappear in a flash. Money is just temporary. Look at Chase Bank… or the stock market crash. People who thought they had it all… lost it all in a matter of seconds and there was nothing they could do to change what had happened. Money is temporary. <br />
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It’s not about happiness. Happiness too can be gone like the wind. Have one tragic event in your life hit and BOOM your happiness is G.O.N.E. Most of the time we base our happiness on our feelings and we all know that feelings come and go. They are temporary. <br />
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It’s not about becoming famous or having notoriety. All of this is temporary and out of your control. You might feel like you’re in control but I guarantee when death or severe illness hits you or your loved ones, you will realize quickly that it’s ALL out of your control. It doesn’t matter how famous you are. Life comes down hard on all of us at times. And in a flash those who were famous have been replaced with someone even more appealing. It’s all temporary. <br />
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Is this life about always ‘feeling good’? Always searching for that next thing that will make you happy? Things like a glass of wine, a night at the club, a new car, a new house, a great vacation. All those things that have the ability to temporarily shield us from the cares of this world are also… temporary. <br />
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Is it bad to feel good? No. But sometimes it’s good to feel bad. If we didn’t feel bad for the starving children in a third world country, we would never offer to help. If we didn’t feel bad about a friend who is struggling we wouldn’t have compassion on them. Sometimes it is good to feel bad. <br />
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Is this life about being “spiritual”? Is it about being “out there” or in “another dimension”? I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t see any of those references in the Bible. What good does it do if you’re so Heavenly minded that the people here on earth look at you with their heads tilted thinking “Wow! She’s really out there!” I only see Jesus being REAL and ministering to those who need help. He’s in a boat fishing, he’s eating dinner with the tax collectors, he’s letting a woman with a bad reputation wash His feet. People can smell a fake miles away. It’s time to just be R.E.A.L. Jesus was not about being in another dimension. He was about being what people needed. <br />
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<i>I Corinthians 9: 19-23 Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.</i></span></div>
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So again… what is this life really all about? As I watched this little boy’s parents stand with such composure and talk about the son they just lost on Mother's Day, I was amazed and shocked at their strength. I even questioned whether I would be able to do that in my own strength. But here’s the key. This is not about us doing life in our own strength. There are too many circumstances that require more strength than we humanly have. This life is about leaning on the strength of a Heavenly Father who will carry us through those times when we are too weak. And as He carries us, others are amazed and shocked at what they see us walk through. Some will know it’s God’s strength; others will need to be told. <br />
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This life is about relationship. Relationship with our families, our friends, our church, and most importantly our God. He created us to have a relationship with Him. The definition of relationship is: <b>1.</b> the state of being connected or related <b>2.</b> association by blood or marriage; kinship. <br />
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God created you to have a relationship with Him. A relationship is a journey where two people relate to each other. You can't have relationship without fellowship. If you don't take the time to fellowship with God you will never build a good relationship. If partners don’t communicate they fail at their relationship. What is your communication with God like? Do you find time to talk to Him? More importantly, do you find time to let Him talk to you? </span>Jesus said, "My sheep know my voice, and I know them, and they follow me" (John 10:27). <span lang="EN">This is eternal. <br />
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So we understand that life is NOT about the temporal things of this world but rather the eternal things: II Corinthians 4:18 </span><i>So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.</i><br />
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There’s a scripture that has bothered me for many years: <i>Matthew 7:22-23 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.</i><br />
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For years I wondered why God would tell someone who has prophesied and cast out demons “depart from me. I never knew you.” Finally about a year ago, I decided to really dwell on that scripture and prayed for clarity. That’s when the Lord showed me one little secret in that entire verse. “I never knew you.” <br />
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Upon researching the greek word “knew” that was used in this verse I learned that it meant to have a relationship with, to be intimate with. Adam knew Eve and she bore a son. Joseph knew not Mary until she gave birth to Jesus. What God is saying to those who enter eternity is “You did a lot of nice things… but we didn’t have a relationship. I never knew you.” <br />
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So I propose to you today that we make two lists. One list for those things that are temporary and the other for those that are eternal. Then we dedicate our lives to those things that are eternal. <br />
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What a tragedy to go through this life only to realize we missed the entire meaning of life. Don’t miss the meaning of life. Live life on purpose. Work on your relationship with God and with those around you. <br />
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When we get to those pearly gates may we all hear “Welcome home thou good and faithful servant." And not “Depart from Me. I never knew you.”Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-46828880926185827992012-01-10T09:10:00.000-08:002013-06-04T08:08:57.950-07:00One Step Forward - Two Steps Back<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you ever felt like you were finally getting things together and life was beginning to look promising again only to have something pop up out of the blue and you find yourself going back to square one and starting over? How frustrating is that?! <br />
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When I first married in 1979, I was working for a candy company until I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Shortly thereafter, we bought a cute little mobile home in a mobile home park and raised our newborn there for a couple of years before buying our first home. <br />
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Twenty years later, (after the divorce) I found myself getting my first job at a candy factory and moving into the same mobile home park where I raised my baby girl. Every day I would come from work, glance over at the actual home we lived in and wonder why I had to start over from scratch when my Ex was able to continue on with his career. I sulked about this for quite a while and even complained to God about how cruel it was for me to have to start back at square one. I chose to look at it as some time of punishment rather than some type of blessing. <br />
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One day (most likely when I was quiet enough to let Him speak) He finally said to me, “Yes. But this time we're going to do it My way.” That made complete sense and gave me total peace. So I journeyed on reminding myself that God was in control and nothing happens to me that isn't Father filtered first.<br />
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At the beginning of the cancer journey, there was no hope of a cure but there was a Sandostatin shot they could give me to help with the symptoms (pain, diarrhea, cramping and exhaustion). So I started taking an injection once a month and began seeing good results. That's not exactly true. For 3 weeks I had to give myself three injections in my belly every day before I could begin the monthly injections. It was almost comical how I never hesitated to jab that needle into the orange the nurse handed me. But when it came time to thrust it into myself, it took a lot of self talk and desperation every single time. <br />
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This shot was created to slow down my system which in turn slowed down all the symptoms AND also slowed down my metabolism. After about 4 years, I was starting to realize that the longer I took the shots the more weight I gained. Finally I wondered if the benefits of the shot to control the symptoms truly outweighed (no pun intended) the risk of a heart attack and/or stroke from all the excessive weight. <br />
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I prayed and prayed about it and believed the Lord told me to go ahead and stop the injections. Now this was a major step of faith. Especially when the cancer doctor was disgusted with me and told me I was going to die sooner if I stopped the injections. He also badgered me by saying “You're going to be in so much pain! You'll be back!!” Determined not to let fear dictate my decision, I stopped getting the injections and had complete confidence that God knew what was best. <br />
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Here I am five years later without any drastic consequences and still no pain (like I had in 2004). I have been trucking through life as if nothing is wrong with me. Most people aren't even aware of my diagnosis. They see my flushing and make a comment like “I see someone's been spending some time in the sun.” <br />
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I choose to live believing God has healed me and I'm waiting for the manifestation of that healing to come to pass. My pastor is forever saying “If you will decree a thing, it will be established.” Job 22:28 <br />
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I choose to not allow any diagnosis keep me from enjoying the things that make this life so interesting. On the outside I may appear 'whole' but on the inside a cancer diagnosis is something that forever changes how you look at everything. There is no way to go back to your former self after this type of diagnosis. <br />
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I carry the weight of a cancer diagnosis 24 hours at day, 7 days a week. For the most part I just go on with life like everyone else does. But there's something in my spirit that always pulls me back to the basics of life; keeping my priorities in order and helping me to live for what is eternal and not temporary. <br />
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For instance, I'm sitting beside the lake typing this blog. It's a beautiful day, the suns shining, a chipmunk is chirping loudly (I think I may have invaded his privacy), the breeze is warm and soothing and I'm noticing it all. Before the diagnosis I doubt I would have seen any of it because my life was (and still is) so busy. After a diagnosis you tend to appreciate what's around you; the ability to see the silver lining in every cloud. I guess that comes with realizing that each day is a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted. The memory of this day is what keeps it eternal. The feeling my heart gets when I look at God's beautiful creation and watch a cardinal hop across the picnic table is eternal. (And if that chipmunk comes running over here that will also be eternal cause we're both gonna meet at the Pearly Gates way before our time!) <br />
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Life is full of so much. Americans are so inundated with sights and sounds and emotions. We have so many things coming at us at once that we are desensitized to a majority of real life. The car radio blares as we swerve in and out of traffic with no regard to those around us. We come home from work and plop down on in front of the television and/or computer hardly acknowledging those who live in our homes. Our cell phones are beeping and tweeting and flashing and buzzing with information we really could live without. Children are still running the streets but they’re not playing hide 'n seek or tag. Now they run the streets with guns and cell phones. Adults no longer visit friends and family on weekends. There just isn't any time for those pleasures. <br />
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So we become more and more disconnected and selfish as we turn to facebook and twitter to spy on what our 'friends' are doing and how we can make our lives look better by posting great pictures or comments. When was the last time you saw a post from someone being real? Someone who says I have 2,386 facebook friends but haven't had a face to face conversation with any of them for years. <br />
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But we take on more and more as technology demands that we stay on top of things. Meanwhile, the things that truly matter; our spouses, children, friends, even our God takes a backseat to all the challenges that rally for our attention. <br />
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My doctor has recently prescribed that I got back on the Sandostatin shots. She believes that I will benefit from them once again and I was scheduled to start today. One step forward and two steps back. <br />
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Needless to say, I was very discouraged when she wrote the prescription and I was very discouraged today. Why would I be required to go back to where I was six years ago? What is the purpose in beginning these shots again? I am claiming my healing from Isaiah 53:5 that says “By His stripes we are healed.” So why am I not seeing the manifestations of that healing? Am I missing something? Am I doing something wrong? Is there a lesson that I have yet to learn? <br />
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At first my claim was denied since I don't have health insurance. But one sweet girl at the doctor’s office wouldn't take no for an answer. So she pursued my case and eventually the cost for the Sandostatin was covered. Anyone who has been in a cancer battle can tell you that the meds for cancer treatment are outrageous. One shot monthly costs over $5,000 a pop. That's over $60,000 a year and doesn‘t include the doctor‘s fees. Goodness! Even if my insurance covered 80% that is still way more than I could afford to pay. What are people doing? How are they coping with not only a cancer diagnosis but now financial bankruptcy as well. <br />
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As I sit here blogging, two geese are wandering by so I began throwing popcorn to them. The taller larger goose would take one step forward and then two steps back. He was so suspicious, so afraid to receive the free blessing. He couldn’t believe that someone who give him a free gift. The smaller goose however, marched over to the popcorn with confidence. She knew a blessing when she saw one and she wasn’t letting this blessing get past her. Then there was a tiny little bird hopping in on the scene. When I saw this tiny little bird I was amazed it was so brave to steal popcorn from such giant geese. <br />
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After watching these birds for a while the Lord began speaking to my heart. The larger goose (let’s just say he doesn’t have a personal relationship with the Lord) is missing the best parts of life because of worry and stress. His eyes are on what could happen instead of the blessing in front of him. He’s suspicious and angry and maybe has an incident in the past he needs to let go of. He won’t be going any where any time soon with his one step forward and two steps back approach. <br />
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The smaller goose (let’s say she has an open line of communication with the Lord) walks up to each kernel confidently and enjoys every mouthful of blessing she can get. She’s not worried about what might happen. She’s just enjoying the here and now; knowing that Someone much bigger than her has everything under control. <br />
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The little bird however… as soon as I saw him I knew he was just like the enemy. He is so small he was almost unnoticed by the larger geese. They didn’t see him as a threat at all. He’s nothing. The only way he got any popcorn was because the geese let him take it. He could have never fought those monster geese on his own. But they let him hop in and steal their blessing. Every hop he took was calculated and precise and he wasn’t playing. He wanted the popcorn and he wanted it all. <br />
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I say all that to say this; sometimes we have to walk confidently and intentionally. We have to keep our eyes open to the snares of the enemy and not allow him to steal our joy here on earth. We have to choose to believe God has our steps ordered even when we don't understand. We just need to take one step at a time and trust Him completely for the path we are required to walk. <br />
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So, here I am again back to the same square I was over six years ago, but choosing to trust God for everything; for the Sandostatin, for the medical assistance, for the wisdom to know His will for my life and most important I trust Him with my life here and my life for eternity. <br />
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He doesn't owe me any explanation. He doesn't owe me any blessing. He owes me nothing. He has already done far above anything I could ever ask or think. Now I owe Him. I owe Him my trust, I owe him my love and I owe him my life. Regardless of what life is throwing at me. <br />
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After almost 31 years of salvation, I can say without hesitation that He has never let me down yet. I don't believe He's going to start now. <br />
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Keep your eyes open to His blessing and His plan. It's everywhere. But you can miss it if you aren't living confidently and intentionally.<br />
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Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-38122696577179463832012-01-09T11:25:00.000-08:002013-06-03T14:16:02.000-07:00Whose Reality is Real?<div align="CENTER">
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<strong>The Webster definition of Reality is:</strong> 1. The quality or state of being actual or true. 2. Relating to or being a genre of television or film in which a storyline is created by editing footage of people interacting or competing with one another in unscripted, unrehearsed situations. 3. the state of things as they are, rather than as one might wish them to be. 4. something that is real 5. the state of being real.<br />
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After over twenty-five years of being rollercoaster free, my sweet niece talked me into going to Kennywood with her to ride the roller coasters. Gotta tell ya, on the way there I was very concerned about my old ticker and how I might respond to being dropped off a 60 foot cliff. <br />
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We rode the Carousel first (as an attempt to sort of prime the pump so to speak). Then it was off for our first rollercoaster. Standing in line gave me plenty of time to re-think what I was about to do. However, when I stepped into the car and the bar came down over my head, I knew I was committed to this ride and I might as well enjoy it. <br />
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The first drop was mind boggling and the rest of the 13 second ride was just as mind boggling. Things certainly have changed in the past twenty-five years! <br />
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I wasn’t prepared for the force of gravity and the stomach flopping power of the SwingShot either! The SwingShot is over 60 feet tall, and its two arms swing to a height of 90 feet. Tremendous acceleration in both directions produces the exhilarating experience of weightlessness as riders catapult towards the sky, quickly reverse direction, and then plummet towards the earth at speeds in excess of 50 mph. <br />
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Uh…. Ya… This gramma didn’t know what she was getting herself into when she climbed on these mind boggling rides. But (the reality of it is) there was something even more mind boggling at this Amusement Park than the rides. <br />
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I love people watching. Sit me on a park bench anywhere and let me watch people and I’m very content. So, of course, as we were waiting in the lines to ride I was watching people. It seemed like a majority of those in line were young (25 and under). And I recognized three things immediately: <b>1. </b>I was definitely the minority <b>2. </b>Things have certainly changed since the last time I was in an amusement park. And <b>3. </b>I live a very sheltered, Christian lifestyle that could seriously hinder my ability to reach out to a world who really needs Jesus ~ if I allow it to. <br />
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If I was to name the one thing that boggled my mind most, I would have to say the fact that this generation has no concept of reality. They aren’t even certain about the most basic things like: who they are (is their gender male or female; or both), why they’re here (does it matter if they are or not) and what life is all about (so they‘re just trying to grab what they can from this world before it‘s time to check out). <br />
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I agree that our older generation may wrestle with the same questions, but it seems our children have really lost their way. And my question is: What are we doing to help them answer those questions and guide them along the way to truth? <br />
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Does their roughness/crudeness cause you to shrink back and walk away? (that’s called fear) Does the fact that they are trying to find who they are by experimenting with their sexuality cause you to stay silent and shake your head in disgust? (that’s judgmental) Does their open display of sexuality take you by surprise? (that’s intimidation) <br />
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This generation is SCREAMING for someone to love them unconditionally and frankly they don’t care if it’s a guy or a girl. They need someone to accept them for who they are. Artists such as Lady Gaga (yes, I went there!) are telling these kids that they were born that way and to be proud of the sin that has taken hold of their lives. <br />
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Who do you think taught them about divorce and broken families? Who do we blame for the attitudes, beliefs, hurt and confusion they carry with them daily? <br />
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If I can be so bold, I’d like to say that we as parents need to be the first to accept responsibility for some of what our child is becoming. Then we need to look at television, which has also been raising our children for years. Have we ever stopped and asked what ‘reality’ shows have taught our children about reality? <br />
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Basically those electronic boxes in our living rooms are raising our children and telling them over and over that life is all about indulgence. Show after show has taught our children that life is about what they can grab out of it and there are no rules. Kill or be killed, take or be taken, do or die. Our youth truly believe they have no future and there are no absolutes. <br />
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I’m not so much concerned about their lot in life as I am in the generation before them. How will we stand before God and explain why we let this happen? What excuse do we have for where we’ve let them go? Were we too busy with our own lives to care? Did we use the television as a babysitter to give us more time to ourselves? What excuse do we have for raising a generation of confused, angry, sex/love starved kids? <br />
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Is it too late to begin pouring into them now? If it’s not, where do we start? How do we convince them that we truly care? Will they believe us? Will they accept our help? Or is the reality that it’s already too late. <br />
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Our only hope in reaching this lost generation is by being REAL with them. Loving them unconditionally right where they are. Not being afraid to touch a tattooed arm or a homosexual hand. Not allowing the piercings and the vulgarity to stop us from truly loving our children. <br />
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Our job is to help them distinguish between reality and fantasy. Loving them into realizing that there are consequences for every decision. Therefore, that is why God set standards & rules. They are for their protection not for their punishment. <br />
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The best way to reach our lost generation is by keeping it REAL and being REAL with them. And that only happens when you have a firm foundation in who <b><i>you </i></b><i></i>are in Christ and what <b><i>you </i></b><i></i>believe. They can smell a rat from miles away and it’s no longer possible to fool them with “Christianeze” or rehearsed verbiage. <br />
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The only way you can truly penetrate their heart is when you’re willing to give away yours. And your heart is only truly equipped for the job after it has been transplanted by His heart. <br />
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The world is blatantly ‘preaching’ their gospel. What about you? Are you willing to share your reality? Do you completely understand what that reality is? Who are you reaching out to? Who are you loving unconditionally?<br />
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<b><i><span style="color: red;"><span style="color: red;">In everything set them an example by doing what is good. (Titus 2:7 NIV)</span></span></i></b>Children miss nothing in sizing up their parents. If you are only half convinced of your beliefs, they will quickly discern that fact. Any ethical weak spot—any indecision on your part—will be incorporated and then magnified in your sons and daughters. Their faith of faithlessness will be a reflection of our own. [Dr. James Dobson] <br />
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And we wonder why this generation is so confused about life, sex, gender, religion, adultery, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, killing, fundamentalist Christians, Catholics, and Jews have all taken a hit. <br />
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The world is blatantly ‘preaching’ their gospel. What about you? Who are you reaching out too? Who is in your own personal reality show? Be a light in the darkness. Awaken those around you with love. Are you going to do nothing or are you going to do what you can? It’s up to you to change this world, one person at a time by simply “loving the one in front of you.” ~ Heidi Baker.Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-87100634241124951382012-01-08T10:51:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:43:36.049-07:00Time keeps slip, slip, slipping away...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I realize spending time with the grandbabies in Montana can make one a little 'crazy' with all their energy and antics. But I desperately needed this break to clear my head and reset my direction ~ "recalculating" as gps puts it. There's nothing like having to pull Barbie dolls outta my pillow case before laying my head down to sleep to help put priorities right back in order. <br />
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For some bizarre reason I woke up this morning singing "time keeps slip, slip, slipping away..." So while everyone was still sleeping I began searching the internet for the song that was playing over and over in my mind. I finally found it and realized that while I had some of the words wrong, most of the other words were exactly how I feel about life. <br />
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Keep in mind this particular band was probably smoking something illegal while making this recording, but I believe they were onto something at the same time. Let me explain: <br />
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Steve Miller Band's classic, Fly Like an Eagle talks about how fast time slips by and how "I want to fly like an eagle" (those who wait upon the Lord shall mount up as eagles). "Let my Spirit carry me" (being led by Holy Spirit). When you're being led by the Spirit, where does He always lead you? What path are we all required to go down? The path of being a servant. The path that causes us to think of others before ourselves. <br />
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The song goes on to say: "Feed the babies who don't have enough to eat... shoe the children with no shoes on their feet... house the people livin in the street... oh, oh there's a solution!"<br />
<br />
There is not only a solution to help those in need [us]. There is also a solution to help our own lethargic attitudes [them]. <br />
<br />
Are you looking for a more fulfilled life? A life with meaning and purpose? Do you go through your days feeling like there's gotta be more? I've got the answer. Live like there's no tomorrow and reach out to as many people as you can; as quickly as you can.<br />
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We were not created to be selfish and self centered. We were created to accept the love of Christ and then give that love away to those He puts in our path. <br />
<br />
When I go to a Cancer Center or hospital and take a good look into the eyes of those who are being treated, I see two types of cancer patients. One type who has no hope, no future, no reason to keep living. They are easily identified by the dark dullness of their sunken eyes. Their mouths are drawn into a frown, their shoulders slumped and heads down. <br />
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But occasionally I will look into the eyes of a cancer patient and see LIFE; lots of LIFE! Their eyes twinkle and shine, their smiles are huge, their heads are up and they are ususally looking for the next person they can reach out to. <br />
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You don't have to receive a cancer diagnosis to learn a valuable lesson here. <br />
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Time is ticking... tick... tock... tick... tock... and no one knows for sure when the alarm will go off and our time here is over. So when you wake in the morning, don't think of YOURSELF. Ask "What can I do today to make a difference in someone else's world?" Then keep your head up and your eyes open as God brings people into your path day after day after day. <br />
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You don't have to travel to a third world country to be a missionary. You can be a missionary right in your own home. A missionary is someone who is sent on a mission to help someone with a need. Who is right in front of you with a need? <br />
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If you find yourself depressed and lonely. If you feel like there's nothing to live for. If you wonder what this life is really about. Remember: Time keeps on slip... slip... slipping away. Take this time (right now) to forget about YOUR needs and meet the needs of someone else. <br />
<br />
Be a servant. This is what you were created to do. This is where you will find fulfillment in life. This is your purpose. This is what it's all about. <br />
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<br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-86831318399461698122012-01-07T09:52:00.000-08:002013-06-03T14:26:21.672-07:00Prove it to me<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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I am so blessed to be able to spend
a lengthy and quality time with Chrissy and the grandbabies this
summer. I flew to Montana on August 8<sup>th</sup> to surprise Gavin
for his 6<sup>th</sup> birthday, then on the 16<sup>th</sup> Chrissy,
Gavin, Natalie and myself drove from Miles City, Montana to Hubbard,
Ohio to spend a week with our Ohio family. We drove over 16 hours on Wednesday and 16 hours on Thursday arriving about 5:00am on Friday. It was a short week in
Ohio but we stuffed it with lots of fun things like: 3D movies, an
awesome safari, swimming at Mimi's private beach, Unity Fest and
more!
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Then on Friday, August 24<sup>th</sup>
we jumped back in the car and begrudgingly began our journey back to
Miles City, Montana. The 32+ hour drive is a lot like child birth.
The first time you make the trip you have no idea what you are in for
so you look forward to your time on the road with anticipation and
joy. But after that first delivery, you are no longer naive to the
intensity that awaits you.
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Somehow the more time between each
journey kinda softens the blow and you almost forget how very long
that drive really is. Let me tell you seven days in Ohio is not
nearly long enough to soften the thoughts of driving all the way back
to Miles City, Montana and none of us were excited about crawling
back in that car and heading out. But we did because we wanted to get
home for Nate's Gramma's 85<sup>th</sup> birthday party (which was to
be held on Sunday the 26<sup>th</sup>). We had our route figured out
and were prepared to arrive in Miles City late Saturday just in time
for the birthday party on Sunday.
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Our journey begins and through the
course of the day Holy Spirit says to Chrissy “you have no idea
what is ahead of you.” Friday night, totally exhausted after
driving for over 10 hours, we find a room in Janesville, Wisconsin.
It looks like a decent price and we all crawl out of the car and trudge our
way into the Microtel. Much to our surprise when we open the door the
entire wall behind the two queen size beds is a black two way
mirror!! What the what?!! Totally exhausted, Chrissy and I look at
each other... giggle and crawl into bed with the babies and sleep
until 10:00am.
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I went down for the continental
breakfast and met the owner. Looking at the weather report on tv
about the hurricane headed toward Cuba and Florida he says in very
broken English “Mutter nature seem very angry.” I smile and said
“Yes... it certainly seems that way doesn't it?” My mind is
spinning as I try to strike a conversation with this Arabic man. Then
he smiles and says “Yes... if it's not Mutter Nature... it's
terrorists... hee hee hee.” I'm speechless and a cold chill runs up
my spine. I smile back sweetly and say “I guess you're right. You
just never know what lies ahead do you?” Then I cover my cold bagel
and head back to my room. Still trying to think of how I could have
incorporated Christ into that conversation.
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<br />
The room in this hotel was not only
creepy with it's dark, two way looking mirror... it was also filthy.
We couldn't wait to leave our 'big brother' bedroom and get back on
the road; still trying to make Gramma's birthday party on Sunday.
After about 6 hours of driving, we learn that the birthday plans were
changed and everyone celebrated Gramma's birthday TODAY!! All of our
hustling was for nothing. So we slow the pace and decide to just
meander our way back to Miles City and enjoy the journey along the
way. That's when our craz-ar (radar) went off and the rest of the day
was like a nightmare we couldn't wake up from.
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After traveling for over 10 hours
again, we decide to stop, get a room, go for a swim and call it a
day. So in Alexandria, Minnesota we stopped at a Days Inn and high
fived each other because the room only cost $65. Chrissy went in,
paid for the room and we pulled around back (as instructed) to get to
the entrance nearest our room. Now in all fairness, the girl at the
desk told us that the room was a smoking room and we weren't too
concerned because so was last night's big brother room and we thought
it couldn't be any worse than that! Boy were we wrong!!
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The babies were jumping up and down as
we walked down the hall to our room. They couldn't wait to get in the
pool. The closer we got to our room, the stronger the smell of
cigarettes, weed and something I've never smelled before got. Chrissy
and I just looked at each other and kept walking. We opened the door
to our room and I was shocked at how tiny it was. There was only one
double bed and you couldn't sit in the bathroom and shut the door at
the same time because your knees would be in the way. You had to kind
of walk in, turn sideways, shut the door and then sit down. Again, in
our room was an overpowering fog of cigarettes, weed and
something.... I don't know... something hot like an empty pan left on
the burner.
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Still hoping for the best, the kids put
their swim suits on and headed toward the pool. Just before the pool
entrance sat four elderly people playing cards. At first glance, they
seemed helpless enough. Later on we wondered what they were <em>really </em>up to. Then we went into the room with the pool.
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Can I just say that I believe there are
different levels of discernment and cra-zar. Level one says “This probably
isn't such a good idea.” Level two says “You really need to leave
this place.” And while we were sitting in the pool area my
discernment level was about a 100 and screaming “Leave! And
leave now!!!”
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There were two guys whispering
something back and forth and looking at Chrissy and the kids. I'm not
sure they knew I was with them because we went into the pool room
separately. There were a dozen little kids and only a couple adults
there. The adults were catapulting the little babies with life
jackets on like basketballs into the water. There's a party going on
in the parking lot just outside the pool area and an older man
peeking into the windows where the pool is. My stomach was churning
and my spirit screaming “This isn't okay at all.”
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After a few short minutes, we convince
the kids we're going to go get something to eat and maybe we will
come back to the pool later. As we walk back to our room, we are
followed by a couple in full leathers looking like they've been on a
bike for weeks without stopping. The young couple in front of us,
opened the door to their room and you can hear a room full of voices
partying and that strange smell instantly got stronger.
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So here we are... once again in a
filthy, ghetto hotel. Only this time, people are openly partying and
I'm not feeling safe at all! I've already decided that I would let
Chrissy and the babies sleep while I sat in the chair on guard all
night. Chrissy says “We can order a pizza and have it delivered to the room.” And I snapped back
“I'm not opening that door for no pizza man!!!!”
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Once in the room, Chrissy looks at
me... I look at her and ask “Do you think we're okay here?!” She
says “Listen... we've already paid for the room. We're staying!”
I replied “Is it really worth $70 buck?!”
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Chrissy was trying not to panic and
thought I was 'cool' with being there. I was trying not to panic and
thought she was 'cool' with being there. When we both realized that
neither one of us was 'cool' with being there we began to move in
sync and very quickly!!
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She called the front desk and explained
that the smoke was unbearable and that her allergies would not allow
her to stay (She did well by not saying what kind of smoke! I think I
would have went off on the girl at the front desk and really made a
mess of things!) In the meantime, I'm trying to dress two babies and
get them ready to run for the car. I don't know what I thought was
going to happen... I just knew whatever it was it wasn't good and I
was ready to bolt; with or without a refund.
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At one point, Gavin began to give me a
hard time because I was putting his shirt on and his hair was still
wet. Chris said that's when she saw something in me go 'click' and I
went into survival mode. That little boy and his sister were packed and back in the car before they knew what happened.
I dropped Chrissy off at the front
desk, she got aour money back and we beat it outta town fast.
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The poor babies in the back seat were
confused, starving and wondering what in the world was happening.
While Chrissy was at the front desk I said to Gavin and Natalie “Hey
guys? Listen. Do you know what discernment is?” “Noooo....”
they answered. “Well,” I continued, “When you have Jesus in
your heart God gives you this thing called 'discernment' and what it
is.... is Jesus telling you when something isn't right. And Mommy AND
Mimi BOTH heard Jesus say that this isn't a safe place for us to be.
So we are going to find another place to sleep tonight.”
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Natalie's eyes got big and she says in
her sweet little voice “I didn't hear Him say nothin...” I
assured her that it was okay because she was playing in the pool and
that's exactly what she was supposed to be doing. It's Mommy's and
Mimi's job to hear Jesus and keep them safe. They both seemed to
understand and were content just to find some place to eat.
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If you've ever traveled out west you
know that finding a place to eat can be quite a challenge between
cities. Finally, around 11pm we find a Perkins and go in to eat
dinner. After eating, we walk out into the parking lot and were met
by two men in their 60s who parked beside our car. The one man walked
into Perkins but the other stopped in the middle of the parking lot
and just stared at us as we tried to hustle the kids into their car
seats and lock the doors. I looked over at Chrissy and could tell she
was about to go “Madea” on this guy as she stared him down;
almost daring him to say something or take one step toward our
vehicle.
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We got in the car and once again hit
the road. The further away we got from all that mess the better we
began to feel. With full bellies and damp hair, the kids were
instantly asleep in the back seat. Two hours later, we both knew we
couldn't drive nine more hours without sleep... but we don't want to
have another bad hotel experience. Not sure what we're going to do we
pull into Fargo, North Carolina for a potty break. Chrissy went into
Taco Bell first and when she came out we went on a search for a
motel.
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We found another Days Inn but this was
NOTHING like the one we just left. And let me assure you it cost more
than $70!! It was actually more than twice that price. But even
though the outside looked nice and welcoming, I asked the young man
at the desk to show me the room first. One peek into the room and I
knew we would be safe here and the cost didn't matter.
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I paid for the room, went back out to
the car and we all came dragging into the room; no luggage, no
nothing... in fact Gavin was in his bare feet and Natalie was asleep
in Chrissy's arms. Going up the hall Chrissy said “I feel like
we're trying to escape an abusive relationship or something!” We
certainly did look displaced and out of sorts. To see both babies
grinning when we slid them between the sheets of their comfy bed
though was priceless.
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So here I sit. It's 3:29am. The room is
cool, the beds are comfy, there are no two way mirrors, no fog of cigarettes and/or weed and everyone else is sleeping. But the three
cups of coffee I had at Perkins (because I thought we were driving
all night) won't allow my mind to stop clicking.
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<i><b>Here's my thought for today:</b></i>
much like hotel rooms, there are a lot of people who call themselves
Christians. They actually believe that they are going to go to Heaven
and that they are 'good' people. They don't see anything wrong with
the way they are living or the things that they are doing. They're
just going through life doing their own thing and chasing after
whatever makes them feel good.
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And quite honestly, from the outside
they look great! It's only after you peel back a few layers that you
begin to notice a stench and a filthiness. It's only after you spend
some time with them that you realize they aren't really what they say
they are. It's only with Holy Spirit and discernment that you can see
past this natural world and get a glimpse of what's really going on
behind the scenes.
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You better believe from now on before I
give anyone money for a room, I want to know if that room is really
what they say it is... I want them to 'prove it to me.'
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If you're in a bad situation now and
you're not sure what to do; don't hesitate to ask Holy Spirit to give
you discernment. But when He does, then you must act on it. Don't try
to dismiss your feelings or talk yourself out of what He's showing
you.
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Listen, this 'ole Mimi has been to
Russia twice (by myself), El Salvador twice, I've walked the streets
of Youngstown, Ohio witnessing and praying with people, we've done a
lot of ministering in the 'ghetto' and Chrissy and I are both pretty
independent and strong women of God. So don't think we were just
being 'chickens.' We found ourselves in a really bad situation and
who knows what could have happened; without divine intervention and discernment.
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I believe there's a time to stand firm
and hold your ground without fear and there's a time to follow your
discernment and 'get outta dodge - FAST!'
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The sun will be rising soon and the
caffeine is beginning to fade. I thank God for His sovereignty and
His protection. I thank Him for a good day without event. I praise
Him that there are three precious treasures snoring in the bed beside
me and I look forward to yet another leg of this journey in a few
short hours. Much like birth pains this day will not soon be
forgotten but the joy of knowing that Someone greater than ourselves
is in full control and has every step ordered for us gives me total
joy and complete confidence.
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Today's verse for the day that I <i>just</i>
received via email is: Psalm 119:165 <span style="font-size: small;">There is lasting
peace for those who love Your teachings. Nothing can make those
people stumble.</span></div>
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And if you don't believe that... I dare
to you ask Him to “Prove it to you!” I guarantee that He will.
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Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-48904867067961099222012-01-06T15:30:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:42:47.312-07:00BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD ~ there's nothing too difficult for Me!<div style="border: currentColor;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SREjJyF_T3U/UD_n4AtZZJI/AAAAAAAAAI8/6X5nOle4Ea8/s1600/lop-eared-domestic-rabbit-usa-posters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fea="true" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SREjJyF_T3U/UD_n4AtZZJI/AAAAAAAAAI8/6X5nOle4Ea8/s200/lop-eared-domestic-rabbit-usa-posters.jpg" width="150" /></a>Last April, Chrissy and Nate were discussing the possibility of bringing a pet into their home. The kids are four and six and it would be a great home school project. But what should they get? They are already bored with fish, a dog is so much work and a cat (because of allergies) is out of the question. </div>
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As they pondered over whether to get a pet or not, they stumbled across one little miniature long eared bunny at the only pet store in town. Chrissy immediately fell in love with the bunny and Nate was ready to buy it after seeing his wife’s reaction. At the last moment, Chrissy put on her ’Mommy’ hat and said “We can’t just buy this bunny without really thinking and praying about it first.” The bunny itself was $50 and then there was food, a cage... and the list goes on and on. Her heart sank as they left the pet store empty handed. </div>
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After over four months, Chrissy still thought about the bunny and they continued to weigh the pros and cons of a pet. After coming back from a long trip to Ohio, Chrissy noticed online that someone wanted to give their bunny away to a good home. Nate and Chrissy talked again and decided to meet the owner of the bunny and see how they felt about it after talking to her. So they went to the store and priced bunny food, a cage and then prayed for discernment.<br />
<br />
Less than an hour later the young lady was at their front door (without the bunny) just to meet them and make sure she was placing her bunny in a good home. After a few short moments of talking, Chrissy mentioned that she was the one who really wanted a bunny. She explained how they saw a bunny at the local pet store and she instantly fell in love with it. <br />
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The young girl’s eyes got big and she said “That’s the bunny I bought in April!” Since it was the only bunny there we all stood amazed at how God had orchestrated everything in such a cool way. Not only did He hand deliver the bunny to Chrissy… but she got the bunny and all the accessories the young lady bought in April for FREE. Through it all, not only did God confirme their decision to take the bunny, but He also confirmed to the young lady that this was a good home for her to place her bunny in. <br />
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<br />
In about two hours from now, we will finally meet this little gift from above and I can’t wait to see how excited the kids are going to be. They don’t know about their new pet yet. <br />
So many times I believe we see something we like and just jump to go get it instead of letting God lead us. He loves to surprise His children and give us gifts. He loves to give us the desires of our hearts and confirm the choices they make daily. But I’m afraid our own agenda often goes before Him and we don’t get to see His hand at work in our lives. <br />
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The next time you ’need’ something, I hope you will remember this little bunny story. Slow down and wait on Him. Be still and know that He is God and if you really need it He will see that you get it. Nothing is impossible for Him. <br />
<br />
It’s so much more rewarding to receive our little bunny from the hand of God than the girl at the cash register! (A lot cheaper too!) What a lesson this little pet has already been to two unknowing homeschoolers and their parents. <br />
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<br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-10547951053604816302012-01-05T00:54:00.000-08:002013-06-03T14:27:55.007-07:00Glass half full or glass half empty - you decide<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Over four years ago, I
felt the Lord telling me to stop taking the Sandostatin injections
because of the side effects and incredible weight gain. I battled
with the idea for quite some time and finally decided that if I
didn't stop taking the Sandostatin I was soon going to weigh 600lbs
and probably die of a stroke or heart attack. So which was worse:
having the Carcinoid symptoms or allowing the Sandostatin to cause
other health issues of it's own.
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I remember clearly the
day I went into my doctor's office to let him know that I wasn't
going to be taking any more injections. I waited until he weighed me,
checked me and finally gave the injection. Then I simply said “Dr.
I'm going to stop taking these injections for a while and see how I
feel and if my weight will begin to go back down a little.”
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His face contorted into
an angry grimace as he said in a very slow and evil tone “You're
making a terrible mistake... You're going to get sick you know...
You're going to be in so much pain! You'll be back!! This is a very
bad decision. These shots are lengthening your life span you know!
You'll be in so much pain... You'll be back....”
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As I walked out of his
office, fear kept trying to grip my soul and I began to second guess
whether I had truly heard from God or not. “Oh gosh! Have I made a
mistake? Am I going to get really sick? Should I just go back and
tell him I changed my mind? Will this shorten my life?!!” But I bit
my lip and went to my car praying that God would show up and help me
once again.
</div>
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Days and then weeks
went by and I felt the same; no pain, no sickness, nothing out of the
ordinary. As each day passed, I felt better about my decision and
knew that I really had heard from God after all. I also knew if I
ever had to begin taking those injections again I was never going
back to Dr. Gloom & Doom!
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Here's the thing: I
believe that cancer patients should have the final word in what
treatments they will or will not endure. I believe that unless the
patient is completely incoherent, their opinions and their feelings
should always trump everyone else's.
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<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yes, family members
should get involved in the process of deciding what action/treatments
to take. But in the end the patient should get the final word. Here's
why: when you are labeled with an incurable disease you feel totally
and completely at the mercy of that disease. You feel vulnerable and
weak. You feel like you are at the mercy of not only the disease but
at the doctors who are (let's be frank here) only guessing at what
your best course of action is.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
There's something
empowering when you take control of the reins and start making
important decisions about your life and your well being.
Unfortunately with a cancer diagnosis, fear normally has the upper
hand. Fear normally causes folks to jump at the very first thing
offered. For most patients they will do anything out of desperation
to just be cured... to just be healed. They will drink the craziest
concoctions, rub on the strangest oils, pray the most desperate
prayers all in an attempt to get away from the curse that has been
put on them.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's only those
patients who have total and complete trust in Someone much bigger
than themselves who can slow everything down and control the fear
that tries to overtake them. It's those folks who have learned how to
delve into the word of God and hear His voice who don't feel like
they are at the mercy of the physicians and/or the disease. These are
the people you see sitting in the doctor's office with a smile on
their face and peace in their eyes.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Isaiah 48:17 – This
is what the Lord says – I am the Lord your God Who teaches you what
is best for you. Who directs you in the way you should go.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'm not implying that
just because you have a relationship with God that means there is no fear
or you don't worry you're making the wrong choices. I'm simply saying
that much like the eye of the hurricane; you can still have great
peace when everything around you is in complete turmoil.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Fast forward over four
years: At my Carcinoid Specialist's appointment in Columbus, my
primary physician suggests I begin the Sandostatin injections once
again. She said the tumors hadn't progressed much but that the
injections would keep them in check and would also help with the
flushing and diarrhea I was experiencing. Being the stubborn woman
that I am I simply said, “Let me pray about it and I'll let you
know...” You could tell she wasn't happy with my decision but she
remained quiet.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
After receiving the
doctor's prescription for monthly Sandostatin injections once again,
I began seeking God for direction. Should I take the shot or should I
continue to go without them. The doctor believes they will be
beneficial but I really don't want to put that stuff in my system
again. Am I just being stubborn and stupid or should I begin taking
them again.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So my prayer went
something like this “Lord, I don't know what to do here. Would you
please confirm if You want me to go ahead and start the injections
again?” Then I went on about my daily routine. It wasn't but about
two days later when I became violently ill. To the point where I
ended up in the emergency room.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Seriously, I haven't
been that sick in years! So the answer to my prayer was pretty
clear... go back on the Sandostatin. Be careful of what you pray for.
You might not like the answer He gives you.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's so easy to have
all the faith you need when you're feeling good. But when the stomach
pains and flushing starts so does the battle of the mind. And I
believe the battle of the mind is the most intense part of the entire
journey.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Am I making the right
decisions? Am I seeing the right doctor? Should I take the
medications prescribed? Should I try something more natural? Does my
doctor know what he/she is really doing? Am I just a Guinea pig?
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You could literally
drive yourself crazy with all the questions and all the feelings and
all the grief and all the fear. The moment a person receives a cancer
diagnosis the first essential lesson they better learn quick is
how to control their thoughts! If you allow your thoughts to go
wherever they choose, you are going to be a very depressed, bitter,
angry and fearful person. You better grab those reins quickly and
hold on tight to them throughout the entire journey! Or that pony is
gonna take off bucking and kicking and you might just find yourself in a heap on the ground.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I've always been a
glass is half empty kinda girl. Looking back at pictures of my
childhood clearly show that. I was always frowning or angry, always
felt like the outcast and the unloved. To this day, I have to keep a
check on my expectations because if I'm not careful I can take
anything/everything personal.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As I sulked my way to
Columbus today to begin the Sandostatin injections again, I kept
questioning God. Did you ever have a child in the backseat of the car
saying “Do we really have to go there?! I don't wanna go! Why are
you making me go there?!” That's pretty much what was going on
inside my mind as we traveled for three hours to get to the Cancer
Hospital.</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Through this adventure
I've literally had to learn how to brain wash myself. When my
thoughts began screaming negative things... I would turn on praise
music. When fear would hover over me at night when I couldn't
sleep... I would turn on praise music. When I caught myself looking
at my grandchildren and wondering if they would even remember me... I
would turn on praise music.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I don't want to get too
deep here, but in the book of Daniel you will read that satan was the
worship leader in Heaven before he was cast out of Heaven because of
his pride issues. So if he was the worship leader then we know that
he understands how to use music to his advantage.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Surely you've noticed
how head banging music stirs up anger and anxiety in a person who
listens to it on a regular basis. Or how soft soothing music can calm
your spirit and actually help you go to sleep. If you want to teach
your child their ABCs how do you do that? By singing My ABCs. Why do
you think they insert music into movies? To create the mood they want
you to feel (fear, anger, happiness, etc.) Even commercials use music
to sell their product.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So if we can agree that
music is so powerful, then why aren't we using it when we are
fearful, or angry, or sad? I gotta tell ya... nothing pulls me out of
a depressed funk like some good old praise music. Once I begin
remembering how big my God is and how small my problem is to Him,
there's an almost instant change in my attitude and my thoughts.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I could go on forever
about music but I'm just gonna say this one thing: I dare you to put
what I'm telling you to the test. When you go to bed tonight, pull
out your MP3 player and your ear buds. Play some soothing praise
music that talks about the goodness and grace of God. Let it play all
night while you're sleeping and see how you feel in the morning. I
can almost guarantee that your spirit will have been nourished and
you will feel like conquering yet another day.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This cancer battle is
all about transforming your mind. Life in general is all about
transforming your mind. Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this
world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by
testing... you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and
acceptable and perfect.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This journey has been
transforming me into a “glass is half full” kinda girl. And I'm
learning that there is always a silver lining in every cloud.
Sometimes you gotta really search for it though.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Are you up to the
challenge?
</div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-39726294898447043782012-01-04T04:09:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:42:10.023-07:00VISITATIONS ~ the good, the bad and the ugly <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lW9o0NV3bU8/UHmDgYYDVHI/AAAAAAAAAKE/GzN0xmT1rXk/s1600/hospvisit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lW9o0NV3bU8/UHmDgYYDVHI/AAAAAAAAAKE/GzN0xmT1rXk/s200/hospvisit.jpg" width="179" /></a>First let me beg
you to always visit those you love when they are sick and/or in the
hospital. There are so many people who sit in hospitals with no one
who cares enough to visit.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I understand when
someone gets a diagnosis like cancer, you don't know what to say or
do for them and you don't know how to help them. So the natural thing
is to just stay away in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. That
is the worst thing you can do. It leaves the patient feeling even
more damaged then they already felt from the diagnosis.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There is this thing
called the Ministry of Presence. That simply means the only thing a
patient really needs from you is your presence. Just by taking time
out of your day to sit with them for a few moments speaks volumes.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There is nothing
you can say to make it all 'better.' There is nothing you can do to
take the pain away. There is nothing you can buy them or bring to
them that will cause them to forget why they are in the hospital in
the first place. So be released of feeling like you have to say the
perfect words, or buy the perfect gift, or even do something
incredible for them. All they need to know is that you care enough to
be there for them. The greatest gift you have to offer is compassion.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
If you honestly can
not do hospital visitations (I know people who refuse to go to
hospitals and/or funeral homes), the next best thing is to send a
card. I know it seems old fashion but you would be amazed to know how
many times that card will be read over and over and over again. But
don't stress over what you will write in the card. Simply say “I
love you” or “I'm praying for you” or “I'm here for you.”
It's not the words that touches the patient's heart, it's the fact
that you actually thought of them and cared enough to send the card
in the first place.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But please, please,
please if you tell someone “If you need <i>anything</i>... don't
hesitate to call!” Then you better be willing to back that up if
they call! It's not easy for most patients to ask for help. So if
they actually ask you to do something (no matter how big or how
small), you need to follow through with your promise. Sometimes we
say “if you need anything...” so often that it's much like saying
“How you doing?” as we walk by and don't ever listen for a
response from the other person. It's just the 'right' thing to say at
that moment. But if you promise to be there, then by all means be
there.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I included this
chapter to allow you to hear some thoughts from a patient's
perspective that you may have never heard before. I can be completely
honest here without hurting any feelings and I'm gonna tell you some
things that another patient would never dream of telling you. This is
meant to help you minister better to your friend and also help your
friend receive the care they are longing for during their illness.
</div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Dear Patient,
</div>
Always remember,
the things people do (or don't do) are for the most part not done
intentionally but are usually done out of lack of knowledge and/or
experience. In fact, the stories I am about to share are events I am
certain none of those involved are even aware of.
<br />
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;">There
is one very important thing you need to keep in mind as people do (or
say) things that pierce your heart deeply: Our fight is not against
people on earth. We are fighting against the rulers and authorities
and the powers of this world’s darkness. We are fighting against
the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly places. </span><em><span style="font-style: normal;">Be
careful and watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy.
He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to
devour and he would want nothing more than to use a particular
situation or person to bring discouragement and despair into your
life. He will (and usually does) use the person closest to your heart
to cause you to give up and lay down in defeat. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Realize
that you are in a battle for your life and your spouse, or your
child, or your friend is not your enemy. Chances are really good they
are only reacting to the pain they are experiencing by helplessly
watching you go through this difficult time. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Also
keep in mind that when you are in pain or are depressed and/or
anxious, you may be struggling with having a very short fuse. Chances
are good you are far more sensitive to spoken words or inconsiderate
actions than you have ever been before. This will most likely be a
time when you yourself will need to learn great restraint and
unending grace. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Let
me assure you that those around you are NOT trying to hurt you. They
just aren't certain how to help you and that's why I'm including this
chapter. So sit back, give them some slack, make a copy of the next
few pages and find a creative way to get them into the hands of those
you love. You'll be glad you did and so will they. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Okay...
here we go... </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #e69138;"><strong>THE
GOOD</strong></span></span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">There
was a guy I worked with. We had a very distant friendship. In fact,
we never really talked much. We never really hung out alot with Mike and
his wife. But for some reason, this man had great compassion for me
during my Chemo Embolization recovery. In fact, his compassion began
months before the Chemo. He would meet my husband and I at a Prayer
Center and begin pouring scripture and encouragement into both of our
souls. </span></em>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Mike
believed in the healing power of Jesus Christ and his goal was to
convince us that we too could believe in a miracle. Every time we
met, Mike had scriptures to prove that God wanted to heal me even
more than I wanted to be healed. He shared about the stripes that
Christ took for my healing 2,000 years ago. He explained about God's
covenant with us and our inheritance through Christ our Savior. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">There
were a few things that Mike shared that were just outside of my faith
zone, but we met with Mike every opportunity we got because when we
left we always felt encouraged and empowered to continue the battle. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">After
the Chemo, when I was too ill to meet at the Prayer Center, Mike
would call and ask if he could come over to the house. He always
arrived when Joe was home and always kept his visits short and
precise. And again, we would say our goodbyes with tears in our eyes
and strength in our souls. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">To
this day, I feel deeply indebted to our friend for how much he has
poured into us. To this day, I thank God for using Mike in more ways
than he will ever know. Mike's visits were always GOOD visits. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #e69138;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><b>THE
BAD</b></span></em></span><em><span style="font-style: normal;"> </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Everyone
has worn (or has at least seen) those precious revealing gowns that
hospitals insist their patients wear. It doesn't matter if you're
male or female, those gowns leave very little to the imagination.
Once tied up the back, the front of the gown is pressed tightly
against you, showing every little bump and curve. And Heaven forbid
anyone would catch a glimpse of your backside flapping in the breeze
while you wrestle to keep yourself covered. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">After
my chemo, the doctors had a very difficult time controlling my blood
pressure and keeping me coherent. My daughter still amazes me with
stories of things I said and did while under the influence of
anesthesia. I have very few memories of that time in my life and
quite frankly would like to keep it that way. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">No
one had to convince me that I was a hot mess after my chemo. My hair
was twisted in every direction on top of my head, no makeup, no
brushing or flossing, no showers, nothing. Just me dumping every
ounce of energy into simply trying to survive. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">I
do however remember waking up and finding a friend and her husband
sitting at the foot of my bed. We weren't close friends and I had
only met her husband once or twice. As I struggled to uncross and
open my eyes, I immediately noticed two things: #1 how beautiful she
looked and #2 how they were both giving me that ever defeating 'pity'
face. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Her
slender figure was carefully poised with one arm positioned behind
her and her tan legs crossed at the knees. Her makeup was flawless,
and her little blue jean skirt short but not too short. She had a
tiny little cross necklace around her neck and bangle bracelets that
jingled every time she moved. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">But
it was her perfume that really got to me! No seriously! As I worked
hard to not look like I was dying (even though that's exactly how I
felt) it was the overwhelming, all consuming fragrance that instantly
turned my stomach and made me want to vomit once again. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">As
I smiled sweetly at both of them, I was thinking “How dare she come
in here looking and smelling like that! Here I am with everything I
own hanging out, vomit in the bowl beside me and an overwhelming
smell of my own going on.” </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">I
was embarrassed and humiliated for even my closest loved ones to see
me that way. Words can't describe how I felt trying to carry on a
coherent conversation with these two love birds in their designer
clothing.</span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Then
my mind went even further to think “They have the rest of their
lives to spend together while me and my husband are looking at a very
short future. How can they just come in here and flaunt the fact that
they are going to live happily ever after knowing that we are begging
for just one more day together.” </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Finally
out of pure humiliation and disgust, I simply closed my eyes,
pretending to sleep and praying they would go home and leave me to my
own pity party and smelliness. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">A
few hours later, I woke to a room full of young people laughing quite
loudly. My children and their friends were at the foot of my bed
enjoying each others company. Granted it was really thoughtful for
their friends to travel a great distance to be there, but I really
wasn't in the mood to host a party. So I closed my eyes again and
went back to my own little morphine induced pity party. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><b><span style="color: #e69138;">THE
UGLY</span> </b></span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Okay.
This story is almost unbelievable. But I promise you it's the truth.
After enduring the Chemo Embolization I was at home trying to recover
on the couch when a knock came at my front door. There was no one
there with me so I said “Come on in! The door's open!” </span></em>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Slowly
the door opens and there stands a lady I knew from church. She
wrestles with the door; her arms filled with a complete meal,
cookies, a card and flowers. At first glance it seemed she had
thought of everything. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">After
placing everything in the kitchen, she slipped back into the living
room and sat directly at my feet on the couch. We talked for a little
while before she asked me quite directly how I was feeling. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Feeling
like death sucking on a life saver, I smiled and said “I'm okay”
and that's when the entire visit took a drastic turn. She leaned in
closely to my face and whispers “Brenda... dear... not everyone
gets a miracle you know.” </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">I
sat there speechless, staring into her eyes and rerunning her words
in my mind to make sure I hadn't misunderstood what she said. Just to
be certain I heard her clearly, she repeated those words that pierced
my heart like a knife. “Brenda... dear... not everyone gets a
miracle you know.” </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">The
second time she said those words however something ignited a fury
inside of me and it took great restraint not to physically remove her
from my presence. All I could see was me tossing her out the front
door with her meal, her cookies, her card and her flowers. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">So
rather than act on what my insides were screaming to do, I simply
laid back on the couch, took a deep breath and with my eyes closed I
said “I'm sorry. I'm really tired. Would you mind coming back
another time?” She said she didn't mind and left immediately. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">For
a split second I worried that I may have talked with my face (I have
a tendency to do that), but then I snapped back to reality and
secretly wished I had tossed her out like my gut was telling me to. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">People
don't realize the power of the spoken word. They don't understand
that when they leave that patient will either feel blessed and
empowered or will spend weeks or even months to get over what was
just dumped onto them. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Just
recently (over four years after this incident) I ran into my front
door visitor. She made mention of how good I looked and it took every
ounce of discipline I could muster to simply say “Thank you”
without reminding her of the incredibly insensitive words she had
spoken over me. That was over four years ago and it still infuriates
me! </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">How
do you want people to remember you? Do you want to be a Mike who
encourages or a front door visitor they will have to recover from?
Make sure to always give a patient the thing they need most: HOPE!
Without HOPE we have nothing. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><b><span style="color: #e69138;">PATIENTS
NEED A GOOD ADVOCATE</span></b></span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Every
patient needs a good Advocate who knows them well. Someone who can
read non-verbal communication like: sighing, getting fidgety, shaking
a leg, rolling your eyes, etc. This Advocate also needs to be someone
who can tell people IN LOVE that their visit is greatly appreciated
but maybe they should come back another time. A person whose main
purpose is to grant the wishes of the patient and isn't too timid to
ask someone to leave. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">This
may or may not be your spouse or relative. In my case, my husband
would never dream of asking someone to leave. He has the heart the
size of Texas and couldn't imagine asking someone to come back
another time. So he probably wouldn't be my first choice as my
Advocate. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">My
daughter, on the other hand, was created to let people know when
they need to go. She has always been a child that spoke the truth and
most things to Chrissy are black and white. She's just recently
learned how to say what she's thinking very diplomatically and in
love. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">Although,
God was very smart by not having her available for my front door
visitor. I'm certain that the very things that were running through
my mind would have come out of Chrissy's mouth. So it was best that I
was home alone for that one. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">If
you're the patient, think of someone who would have your best
interest in mind. Someone who is bold but not brash. Someone who is a
great hostess but not a pushover. Someone who knows you well enough
to know when you're feeling uncomfortable or uneasy. Someone you can
trust to speak your heart in love. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">If
you're a visitor, always respect the thoughts and opinions of the
Advocate. Their only objective is to make a difficult journey more
bearable for their loved one. And again, don't make it about you.
Make it all about the needs of the patient. </span></em></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><b><span style="color: #e69138;">DO:</span></b></span></em></div>
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">take
the time to visit people you love </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">ask
permission to visit before you arrive unannounced </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">tell
them often how important they are to you</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">say
I love you</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">keep
your promises to be there for them </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">find
ways to always encourage them and empower them to continue in the
fight </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">try
to put yourself in their shoes and be considerate and understanding
to the best of your ability</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">send
cards, take over meals, bake some cookies</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">be
careful not to 'over dress' while visiting someone in the hospital</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">understand
that loud voices/noises can be really irritating to the patient</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">try
to keep your visits short and encouraging </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">watch
for non-verbal signs from the patient and respect their wishes to be
left alone </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">always
believe the best case scenario for the patient and encourage them to
believe it also </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">knock
on the patient's door and wait to be invited in before entering </span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">be
cheerful and have a pleasant conversation</span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;">listen
attentively and give the patient your undivided attention </span></em>
</div>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</ul>
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><b><span style="color: #e69138;">DONT:</span></b></span></em><br />
<ul>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">worry
about what you'll say or do</span></span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">allow
anything to keep you from being there for the people you love</span></span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">make
it about you</span></span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">worry
that you'll do something wrong </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">wear
perfume/cologne that is overpowering</span></span></em></div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">take
comments from a weary patient personally </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">give
them the “Pity Face” </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">please
don't give them the “Pity Face” </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">ever
tell a person they may not receive a miracle or a healing – no
matter how desperate the situation may appear </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">visit
if you are not feeling well yourself </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">take
young children with you – unless the patient requests to see them </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">expect
the patient to entertain you </span></span></em>
</div>
<li><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<em><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">weigh
the patient down with disturbing news or problems of your own </span></span></em>
</div>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-17997785964345883742012-01-03T00:28:00.000-08:002013-06-03T13:40:04.667-07:00God wants to use your brokeness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ivWqrf3lxm0/UFLchns-K9I/AAAAAAAAAJs/lSFIn8h93LQ/s1600/bill%2520of%2520rights.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ivWqrf3lxm0/UFLchns-K9I/AAAAAAAAAJs/lSFIn8h93LQ/s200/bill%2520of%2520rights.png" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
feel confident in saying that at some point in life every person
reading this book has felt the sting of hurt caused at the hand of
another. We have all experienced brokenness and most have endured the
deep inner wounding of betrayal. </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="western">
If you take a look at the book of Genesis you will
read about a young man named Joseph who was betrayed and hurt over
and over and over again. Not by strangers but by those closest to his
heart. Those he ate dinner with every night and played tag with every
day. Those he loved and trusted. Over the course of his life Joseph
found himself being accused falsely and enduring the pain of betrayal
and deceit over and over again.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Somehow through everything Joseph endured, he
chose not to have a pity party. He didn't allow himself to slide into
depression. He didn't let unforgiveness overtake him. He had every
right to become angry and bitter. He had every right to cast his
brothers into prison. But he chose to take the high road every time.
He chose to serve his King regardless of what was going on around
him.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Because of Joseph's attitude and humility, God
used Joseph's brokenness to save the lives of thousands. He used
Joseph's trials to bring glory to Himself and show His mercy to the
Jew and the Gentile.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Because of his obedience to God, Joseph had favor
with God and with man. He was reunited with his father and his
family. His obedience eventually put him in a high position. He was
exalted and there was none above Joseph (Gen 40:39-41). All because
he didn't hold onto his right to be angry and bitter.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Yes, we have all endured pain of some sort. But I
have yet to meet anyone who has gone through anything equivalent to
what Joseph endured.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Married right out of high school, in 1999 I
suddenly found myself divorced and a single mom with two teenagers,
no job and wondering what I was supposed to do now since I hadn't
worked outside of the home for over 20 years. Being instantly thrust
into a life of rejection, betrayal and major anger issues (not to
mention great financial struggles, and everyday trials like
malfunctioning cars, hot tubs and furnaces); life was suddenly very
different and my lack of knowledge and resources were a daily
reminder of my inadequacies and my dependency on others.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
I've had several surgeries in my lifetime and went
through natural childbirth with two babies; but nothing quite
compares to the pain divorce causes. I vividly remember lying across
my bed screaming out to God in pain and fear. I remember pulling my
van over on the way to work several times just to throw up because of
what was going on inside my heart and soul. I remember the cold knife
that pierced my heart whenever I had to sit across a courtroom to
fight over material belongings and/or child support with the man I
thought I was going to grow old with.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Where was God? Why was He allowing this? Did He
even know what was going on? Maybe He didn't even care? <span style="font-variant: normal;"><span style="font-style: normal;">I
had served Him for about eighteen years at this point. Can't He see
my broken heart? Does He know that I lost my home, my children and
every sense of security I ever had? Is He ever going to step in and
help me or am I truly on my own? Oh God! Where are you?! Why are You
so quiet? Is this really how You treat Your children? Because if it
is... no thanks! </span></span>
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
My daughter went to college, our two Belarusian
boys (who visited for the past five summers as a part of the Children
of Chernobyl program) flew back home to Belarus and my son, Josh
moved in with his father two states away. I got my first job (in 20
years) working in a candy factory; making minimum wage. What a slap
to my self esteem as I was now doing the exact same thing I did
twenty years earlier when I found out I was pregnant with our first
child and we decided I should be a stay-at-home mom. The confusion
and anger were difficult to control as I asked God “why.” I had
lost everything; my marriage, my children, my financial security, my
home, my lifestyle…everything!</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Making only minimum wage I wasn’t able to keep
up with all the bills and my beautiful log house (with a Jacuzzi in
the master bedroom) was scheduled for sheriff sale. But God helped
the house to sell to the first person who looked at it. The house
sold and I became homeless all in one day. The following day a woman
came into the church office to “bless someone with her mobile
home.” When I first looked at this FREE 10x50 mobile home, I
snobbishly refused to live in such a‘little shoebox.’ A few days
later the Lord reminded me of my earlier prayer about ending up in a
cardboard box by the river. He said, “If you end up in a cardboard
box by the river, it’s because you CHOSE to live there!” I
immediately called the woman offering the free trailer and agreed to
take it. That little shoebox became a place where I would spend
quality time in God’s presence. All these years later, I still have
fond memories of my 1 ½ years spent in my beloved shoebox.</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Later I was able to purchase a larger home and
moved back into the same mobile home park where I lived 20 years
earlier in my first marriage. When I asked the Lord why I should have
to go back to square one after so many years, He spoke to my heart
and said, “This time we’re doing it MY way.” From that moment
on I chose to look at my life as an adventure, something new,
something God was going to do for me and I chose to believe that
since He was in control this time– it was going to be good.</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
My divorce was final on my son’s 16th birthday.
I was sued for child support and they garnished my wages;
automatically deducting $286 out of my $400 paychecks every two
weeks. During this time I would cry out to God and ask Him “How
much more?! What else can possibly be stripped from my life? Haven’t
I already lost enough?! When will this end?”</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
It was during my struggle with losing so much that
I lost one of the most precious things I had in my life; my Dad (and
best friend). He passed away from Carcinoid Cancer at the age of 61.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
About this same time I was diagnosed with
Spasmodic Dysphonia. An incurable, rare disease that restricts
speech. Instead of vibrating, my vocal chords spasm causing broken
speech and breathing. Increased stress, increases symptoms. There is
no known cause for SD but many doctors believe it can be brought on
by stress. Well hello!
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
On September 14, 2001, my daughter, Chrissy
continued her education in California and I found myself putting her
on the first flight in America traveling to California after the
terrorist attacks on 9-1-1. Bomb squads and army men escorted a
handful of us through the airport; still unsure of how safe it really
was to begin flying again. The fear that gripped my heart literally
took my breath away and I was frantic about putting her on an
airplane in fear of yet another terrorist attack. My pride for her
willingness to go was the only thing that allowed me to let her go.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
So, yes I understand how Joseph felt. How can
someone closest to your heart suddenly become your greatest enemy?
What I didn't understand was the link between stress and physical
complications. I didn't realize that my emotional pain could very
well be the cause of the physical symptoms I was experiencing.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Physicians are beginning to link unforgiveness
with many types of disease. They are realizing that unforgiveness is
like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It slowly
eats at your soul and destroys your health. The digestive system of
an unforgiving person appears to be much more acidic than the
digestive system of a person who has learned to forgive and forget.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
The person struggling with forgiving another for
hurts of the past is far more likely to suffer not only emotionally
but physically as well. And it all stems back to our 'rights'. You
have every right to hold onto what has happened to you and the hurt
you carry. It is your choice to remain in the past instead of
trusting in the future.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
But those who will not relinquish their 'rights'
will also carry insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation,
broken relationships, betrayal and backsliding with them (to name a
few). Those who refuse to forgive and choose to remain offended will
produce hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife,
bitterness, hatred and envy. It has wisely been said that hurt people
hurt people.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Many times those who have been hurt are oblivious
to their condition because they are so focused on the wrong that has
been done to them that they don't realize all the pain that surrounds
them is a result of their unforgiveness.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
I can almost hear those who are reading this
chapter saying “Sure! But how do you live a stress free life in such a
stressful world?” I wish I had a good answer to that. The only
thing I have to offer is to suggest that the more you keep your eyes
on Christ and how big He truly is, the smaller your problems seem to
be.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Even when you don't understand “why” – keep
moving forward. Even when you can't see what God is doing – keep
believing that He is moving on your behalf.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Hold onto the promises of the Bible: <i>Genesis
50:18-20</i> What man intended for evil – God will use it for good.
<i>Romans 8:28 </i>ALL things work together for YOUR good. <i>I Peter
4:8 </i>Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one
another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards
the offenses of others]. <i>Luke 6:37-38 </i>Don’t pick on people,
jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course,
you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that
hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot
easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not
merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not
getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
We often miss the will of God for our lives by
deliberately choosing to be disobedient and hold onto our stuff. I
vividly remember the day God asked me to begin praying for my
ex-husband and his new wife! I couldn't believe He would ask such a
hard thing. Admittedly, the first few prayers were short and
unconvincing. But as I continued to pray in obedience I found that
His request wasn't for my Ex. It was for me. I was the one changed
through my obedience. My heart was the one softened. Through those
prayers I allowed forgiveness to enter my heart and life.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Do you understand that you can hold back His glory
simply by holding onto the things He's asking you to let go of? Why
does it come as such a shock when someone hurts us? Don't you realize
that rejection and persecution are the prerequisites of promotion.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever felt
abandoned? Do you wrestle with self worth? Does it seem like you
aren’t as important/valuable as others? Does fear keep you from
accomplishing God’s will for your life?
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Do you believe God wants to use you? Do you
believe you were formed and fashioned for a specific purpose in this
lifetime? Then you must relinquish all rights to what you're holding
onto. Christ never held onto His rights ~ even unto death. Jesus
Christ was totally innocent and sinless. He had every ability and
right to say “I'm not going through with this. I'm not dying for
this sinful world. This isn't fair! I am the Son of God. I'm not
doing this!” But for our sake He didn't hold onto His rights. Instead,
out of His great love for you (and for me) He endured the pain for
the cross and He endured the stripes that were put on His back for
our healing.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Worship is the
key. Worship </span>turns what we have into enough, and more. It
turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into
clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a
stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings
peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. How do you endure
great heart ache and betrayal? It's all about living a life of
worship.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Living in such a way as to give God ALL the glory.
Even through the difficult times. Even when it hurts. Even when you
feel misunderstood. Even under great attack. It's all about learning
to turn every situation into an opportunity to serve God and worship
Him through it. It’s not about how we feel… or what we think.
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
Are you ready to give up your rights? <span style="font-weight: normal;">God
wants to use each of your trials for your good and His glory. God
wants to use your brokenness. But He can't and He won't until you
give up your rights to the things you are holding onto...</span>
</div>
<br />
<div class="western">
<br />
<br /></div>
Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-88642048009598297802012-01-02T21:00:00.000-08:002013-06-03T14:31:15.269-07:00Cancer and Goliath<span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lJ3kvoaBf-4/Ua0LE-KOeSI/AAAAAAAAAOc/wo7i9K3pYjs/s1600/Copy%2520of%2520facinggiants%2520resized%2520for%2520web%2520use.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lJ3kvoaBf-4/Ua0LE-KOeSI/AAAAAAAAAOc/wo7i9K3pYjs/s200/Copy%2520of%2520facinggiants%2520resized%2520for%2520web%2520use.jpg" width="174" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: medium;">In I Samuel 17:1-58 by simply changing the word Goliath to Cancer and the word Philistines to God’s people, it reads like this:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;">
<i></i><br />
<i>A very large and powerful giant, [cancer] shouted to [God’s people], “Do you need a whole [congregation] to settle this? Choose someone to fight for you... I defy the armies of the Lord! [God’s people] were terrified and deeply shaken. Basically what [cancer] was saying was, “I dare you to try and stop me! You’re powerless and you will be slave to the fear I cause!”<br />
<br />
When David saw [cancer] strutting and challenging the army of God to ‘do something,’ David was filled with righteous indignation. He couldn’t believe that [God’s people] were running away in fear and allowing this [cancer] to continue abusing God’s people. Instead of joining the masses, David said, “Who is this [cancer] anyway? Why is [cancer] allowed to defy the armies of the Living God?”<br />
<br />
Despite being told he was ridiculous, too young and powerless against such a [cancer]; David refused to watch [cancer] continue to taunt the people of God. He also refused to fight this battle with the same armor and tactics of those before him. Instead, he picked up five smooth stones and started across the field to destroy Goliath himself.<br />
<br />
“You,” David shouted to the [cancer], “come to me with sword, spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord Almighty – the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied! Today the Lord will conquer you... and the whole world will know that there is a God! And everyone will know that the Lord does not need weapons to rescue His people. It is His battle, not ours.”<br />
</i>
Each of us knows someone who has been affected by the giant of cancer. Many of us have stood by and watched as cancer taunted (and in many cases destroyed) the lives of our loved ones. We understand the helplessness and fear that can cause us to stand in silent disbelief.<br />
<br />
Will we continue to remain terrified & shaken? Will we continue to believe we are powerless? Will we agree to be slaves to fear and disbelief? Will we allow cancer to continue strutting around challenging and abusing<br />
<br />
God’s people? Or have we had enough?! Are we ready to pick up those five smooth stones and fight in the name of the Lord Almighty?!<br />
<br />
After struggling with those questions, I had one final question: what are the five smooth stones we could use to defeat this giant? Following is what I believe the Lord placed on my heart in answer to that question: <br />
<b></b><br />
<b>STONE #1: <i>Worship.</i></b><i></i> 2 Chronicles 20:1-13 God shows us clearly that the battle was won when King Jehosephat sought God, called for a fast and asked for God’s help. King Jehosephat believed that God was all powerful and nothing was able to withstand against God. He also believed that when he faced disease and cried out to the Lord, God would hear their cry and help them. King Jehosephat understood that he had no power against the enemy but if they kept their eyes on God He would rescue them. Scripture continues by explaining that when the vast army came against Jehoshaphat, he did (3) things; He sought the Lord for guidance, proclaimed a fast, and asked everyone to seek the Lord. Then the Spirit of the Lord came and said, “Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not your’s, but God’s. You will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” <b><i>Then the</i></b><i></i> <b><i>worshippers were sent out before the army</i></b><i></i>. As they sang, “Give thanks to the Lord; His faithful love endures forever” God brought confusion in the enemy’s camp and they turned on each other and killed themselves.<br />
<b></b><br />
<b>STONE #2: <i>Prayer.</i></b><i></i> How can God give us revelation if we are not willing to humble ourselves and seek His direction? Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing ye shall receive. Acts 6:4 But we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word. James 5:15-16 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up.... Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.<br />
<b></b><br />
<b>STONE #3: <i>Time spent in the Word.</i></b><i></i> Where can we find hope and where is our shield? Psalms 119:114 tells us they are both in the Word. What will keep us from stumbling and falling? Psalms 119:11 again points us to the Word. Where do we get direction and revelation for this battle? Psalms 119:105 …in the Word.<br />
<b></b><br />
<b>STONE #4: <i>Fasting.</i></b><i></i> Matthew 17:21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting. Are we willing to sacrifice our appetite for the sake of the Kingdom? Joel 2:12 Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to Me with all your heart and with fasting and with weeping and mourning. Do you want to see miracles, signs and wonders enough to push yourself away from the table? David picked up five smooth stones ~ but it only took one stone to kill the giant. Will this be the single stone that pierces the skull of the giant?<br />
<b></b><br />
<b>STONE #5: <i>Practicing/Carrying His Presence.</i></b><i></i> Are you brave enough to do what people think is impossible by determining to live continually in the presence of God? This is only possible by seeking His face and asking Him what His will is. In order to practice and carry His presence you must be prepared for extreme dedication and commitment. This is something that will only come through practice and determination. This will not only change your life but will also change the world around you. I Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing. Not only will you get to know the Father better but you will be lifting the needs of others continually. The more we focus our minds on Christ and train our thoughts towards His thoughts, the easier it will become to remain and even carry His presence to the world around us.<br />
<b></b><br />
<b>My Question To You Is: </b>Are you willing to pick up these five smooth stones?<br />
What if YOU are the person chosen defeat cancer?<br />
What if it is YOUR hands chosen to bring healing to others?<br />
Are you willing to face the giant?<br />
Are you ready to fight in the name of the Lord Almighty?<br />
<b></b><br />
<b>If you are, remember that:</b>This is the Lord’s battle, not ours<br />
His victory will cause many to know that there is a God<br />
God doesn’t need weapons to rescue His people from the enemy <br />
He’s only looking for one person to pick up five smooth stones and be brave enough to carry out His plan. <br />
</span><b><span style="font-size: large;"></span></b><dir><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Are YOU that person?</span></b></div>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></b></dir><b><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-40117203306741875462012-01-01T15:33:00.000-08:002013-06-06T16:07:54.799-07:00IN CLOSING<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XrVAfbdPj0k/UbEOJ21b1_I/AAAAAAAAAPs/-k6DTbdzO-E/s1600/ShabbyBlogsBeckoningFrolicText+copy+copy.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XrVAfbdPj0k/UbEOJ21b1_I/AAAAAAAAAPs/-k6DTbdzO-E/s320/ShabbyBlogsBeckoningFrolicText+copy+copy.png" width="320" /></a></div>
Having said everything that's in this
book, my dilemma now is: How do I close? What do I say? What was the
point to journaling for the past ten years? And since I'm trusting I
will be here for another 40 years, there's not enough ink to print
all that I've learned (and will continue to learn) through this
incredible journey.
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Standing at the kitchen sink and
looking out, I began to think about everything Joe and I have faced.
My list of physical challenges seems limitless: Spasmodic Dysphonia,
Carcinoid Cancer, Endometriosis, Gluten Sensitivity, Lactose
Intolerance and a recent possibility of Diabetes. Maybe you picture
me lying in bed and living a miserable life. Quite honestly, that's
exactly how I should be living.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Can I just say that at the beginning of
this diagnosis in 2004 you would have been correct. I was in bed a
lot and in a lot of pain. But today (close to 10 years later) my life
is more full than most people I know. Sure there are occasional down
days but if I managed my time and my diet better they would even be
fewer in between.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
That's just <i>my</i> list of physical
challenges. Joe has a list of his own: cirrhosis of the liver,
Hepatitis C, and some other issues that are consequences of the
choices he made for the first 40 years of his life (that's another book altogether). Add our two lists
together and you've got a medical nightmare. Especially when you
throw in the fact that neither of us have health insurance.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Standing at the kitchen sink thinking
about all of our issues, I realized that living this life with a
genuine smile on my face and peace in my heart is not anything I
could do on my own. No one knows me better than I do and I know I'm
not that strong or that wise or that 'together' to maneuver through
this life with victory. Knowing me ~ let me assure you that I would
be a nervous, depressed, anxiety ridden mess.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
My goal... my dream for this book was
to be transparent enough to let you know that if God can walk me (an average everyday Christian)
through the 'Big C' diagnosis and everything else in between, He
can walk you (or your loved one) through too. My only purpose in
spending hours and hours tapping on my computer was to give you the same HOPE that I have.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Without hope we have nothing. Without
hope we have no reason to wake up in the morning. Without hope we are
at the fate of this cruel and confusing world.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Our Hope is not in a doctor, not in
chance or luck, not even in a cure or answer to whatever we are
going through. Our Hope is in Someone much bigger, much wiser and all
knowing. Our Hope is in Someone Who is walking by our side and guiding us through
life daily. Our Hope is that He has a plan and a purpose for everything
we go through. Our Hope is that no matter what's going on in our life,
He promises that ALL things work together for the good of those who
are called according to His purposes. Finally, our Hope is that He is no
respecter of persons and if He can walk an ordinary woman named
Brenda Lantini through some of the most difficult situations, He will
walk you through yours too.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When we are able to grasp the infinite
power of the One who created the universe, we realize there's nothing
we can (or will) go through that He doesn't already have an answer
for. Jesus came to this earth to go through the things that He knew
each of us would experience. He came to show us the way. He came to
nail all of our sins to a cross. He came to give us eternal life and
by His stripes we are healed.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Just as the <i>cross</i> is a symbol of
salvation and eternity with Him, the stripes on His back are a symbol
of His promise to heal our body.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As I'm typing an old hymn comes to
mind.</div>
<br />
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<i><b>My hope is
built” </b></i>
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<i><b>My hope is built on
nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>I dare not trust the
sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name. </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><em></em></strong> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>When Darkness veils
His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace. </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I<i><b>n every high and
stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil. </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>His oath, His
covenant, His blood supports me in the whelming flood. </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>When all around my
soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>When He shall come
with trumpet sound, O may I then in Him be found! </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>Dressed in His
righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne! </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>On Christ the solid
rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>all other ground is
sinking sand. </b></i></div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I would encourage you to
keep your eyes fixed on Him and know that this life is but a vapor.
Though we may be outwardly wasting away, we can be renewed day by day
in our spirit. What we go through today is temporary and if we
intentionally live God's Way, they will achieve an eternal glory that
far outweighs what we go through in this life.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Our Hope isn't in the things
of this world. We find our hope in the One Who created this world and
Who will welcome us into His presence when our days here are over.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Maybe as you're reading this
you're thinking “I have no idea what you're trying to say. I don't
know this God you are referring to.” If that's you, can I just say
“I'm so glad to meet you and would be honored to introduce you to
this God that I have referred to throughout this book.”
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Many people think that a
relationship with God is some type of mystical experience or
something that is only available to the very <i>spiritual</i> people.
That couldn't be farther from the Truth. I would encourage you to NOT
take my word for anything... but to pull out your Bible and begin to
search Him out for yourself.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
You will find Him in the
pages of the Bible and the more you read the closer you will begin to
feel His presence. He's not interested in having you 'clean up your
act' before you come to Him. He wants you to come just as you are. He
will clean you up in His time and in His way. We have <i>all</i>
sinned and come short of the glory of God. We <i>all</i> need to be
cleaned up after being in the presence of a holy God.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Don't let anyone stop you
from seeking a relationship with Him. We are all terminal and one day
when you stand before Him (and I promise one day you will), you will
stand there alone. When He asks why you didn't accept His love, you
will have to answer Him by yourself and you won't be able to point a
finger at anyone else. You and you alone are the only one who will be
able to take responsibility for how you lived this life that was
given to you.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Maybe you don't believe in
Heaven or Hell. Maybe your thought is “Why would a loving God send
people to a place as horrible as Hell?” First let me explain God
doesn't <i>send</i> anyone to Hell. That's a choice we each make with
our own free will.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Secondly, God <i>is</i> love
and His love is perfect. There is nothing you can do to make Him love
you MORE... and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you
LESS. While we were yet sinners He loved us. His love is
unconditional. He loves those who lived their lives serving Him and
He loves those who rejected His love and chose to spend eternity
separated from Him.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
No one is promised tomorrow
and if you have never asked Christ to come into your life and forgive
you for your sins, let me give you a <i>sample</i> prayer. I say
'sample' because there are no magic words you are about to read.
There is no mandated prayer. He isn't interested in <i>what</i> you
say as much as He is interested in the attitude of your heart. I
would encourage you to read this prayer and then close your eyes and
speak from your heart to the God who has been waiting for you to come
to Him.
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><b>Lord Jesus Christ,</b></i></div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><b>I am sorry for the
things I have done wrong in my life. I ask Your forgiveness and now
turn from everything which I know is wrong. Thank You for dying on
the cross to set me free from my sins. Thank You for the stripes You
took to heal my diseases. Please come into my life and fill me with
your Holy Spirit and be with me forever. </b></i>
</div>
<br />
<div align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><b>Thank you, Lord Jesus.</b></i></div>
<i><b>Amen.</b></i>Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-25731138410925076832011-12-31T07:46:00.000-08:002013-06-06T15:34:23.224-07:00Words to live by<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Xt6zfi2E-Bc/UHmCdJJZYPI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/8w-LiCfiXO0/s1600/bible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Xt6zfi2E-Bc/UHmCdJJZYPI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/8w-LiCfiXO0/s200/bible.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Ps 103:1-5"></a>Ps 103:1-5 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless
his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who
redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and
tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth
is renewed like the eagle's.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Ps 107:19-20"></a>Ps
107:19-20 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he saveth
them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and
delivered them from their destructions.</span><br />
<br />
<big><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Prov 4:20-23"></a>Prov
4:20-23 </strong></span></big><span style="font-size: small;"> My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my
sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine
heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their
flesh. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of
life.</span><br />
<br />
<big><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Isa 41:10"></a>Isa
41:10 </strong></span></big><span style="font-size: small;">"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am
thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee
with the right hand of my righteousness."</span><br />
<br />
<big><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Isa 53:4-5"></a>Isa
53:4-5 </strong></span></big><span style="font-size: small;">Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet
we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded
for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of
our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.</span><br />
<br />
<big><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Jer 30:17"></a>Jer
30:17 </strong></span></big><span style="font-size: small;"> For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of
thy wounds, saith the LORD.</span><br />
<br />
<big><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Mal 3:6"></a>Mal
3:6 </strong></span></big><span style="font-size: small;">"For I am the Lord, I change not"</span><br />
<br />
<big><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Mal 4:2-3"></a>Mal
4:2-3 </strong></span></big><span style="font-size: small;">But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness
arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of
the stall. And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under
the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the LORD of hosts.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Matt 7:7-11"></a>Matt
7:7-11 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock,
and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he
that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man
is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if
he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to
give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in
heaven give good things to them that ask him?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Matt 8:16-17"></a>Matt
8:16-17 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were
possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all
that were sick: That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the
prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Matt 9:35"></a>Matt 9:35 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;"> And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in
their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every
sickness and every disease among the people.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Matt 15:30-31"></a>Matt
15:30 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those
that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at
Jesus' feet; and he healed them:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Mark 11:22-24"></a>Mark
11:22-24 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.
For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou
removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but
shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have
whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire,
when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Mark 16:17-18"></a>Mark
16:17-18 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name
shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall
take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them;
they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Luke 4:17-19"></a>Luke
4:17-19 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet
Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was
written, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to
preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to
preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set
at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Luke 9:1-2"></a>Luke 9:1-2 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them
power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases. And he sent them to
preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Luke 10:8-9"></a>Luke
10:8-9 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;"> And into whatsoever city ye enter, and they receive you, eat
such things as are set before you: And heal the sick that are therein, and say
unto them, The kingdom of God is come nigh unto you.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Acts 4:29-30"></a>Acts
4:29-30 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">And now, Lord, behold their threatenings: and grant unto thy
servants, that with all boldness they may speak thy word, By stretching forth
thine hand to heal; and that signs and wonders may be done by the name of thy
holy child Jesus.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#Acts 5:15-16"></a>Acts
5:15-16 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and
laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by
might overshadow some of them. There came also a multitude out of the cities
round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed with
unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#3 John 2"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>3 John 2</strong></span></a> <span style="font-size: small;">"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and
be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.</span> the
cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were
vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong>James
5:13-16 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let
him sing psalms. Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the
church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the
Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise
him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess
your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The
effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#1 John 5:14-15"></a>1 John
5:14-15 </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">"And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask
any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us,
whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="#3 John 2"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>3 John 2</strong></span></a> <span style="font-size: small;">"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and
be in health, even as thy soul prospereth...</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-615758940498711528.post-32193781169804922662011-12-30T18:03:00.000-08:002013-09-21T18:04:54.038-07:00GO AHEAD... GOOGLE MESo, the dilemma now is... how do I
finish this book? What should be in the last chapter? After much
thought, I asked myself “If I was reading this book, what would I
want to know before it ends?” The answer would be “Did she live
or did she die?!”
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Actually that would have probably been
my first question before I even read the book. Just being honest. I
mean seriously. Why would I read a book from a lady who writes a book
“Cancer God's Way” if she ends up dying of cancer in the end?</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
If I were reading this book, the first
thing I would have done is google my name. I would have searched the
internet to see who this woman was and how her story ended. Well...
go ahead... google me! Brenda Lang Lantini</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Something google can't tell you is that
as I'm typing this last chapter I am sitting on my bed with my legs
crossed, hair color in my hair tapping away at the keyboard. I've got
30 minutes until I rinse so let me make this short and sweet:</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yesterday was a tough, tough day and
today hasn't been much better. I went to James Cancer Hospital in
Columbus, Ohio for a routine CT Scan and blood work. After the scan
we met with Dr. Shah. She had good news and bad news. The bad news is
the tumors have progressed. The good news is they've only progressed
a little. Dr. Shah wants me to consider doing the TAZE treatment
again.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I love Dr. Shah and trust her
completely with my treatments and diagnosis. However, we've had to
come to an agreement that she provides the medical diagnosis and
possible treatments and I provide the decisions as to what we will or
wont do as far as treatments.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When someone is battling with terminal
illness it is only right to give them the dignity and respect to make
their own decisions regarding end of life treatments. Some people
choose to fight up until their last breath, while others give in the
moment they are diagnosed; and neither are right or wrong for the
choices they make.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
If there is a treatment with a possible
cure, I'd say go for it! But if the treatments are only 'buying time'
then the patient should be given the right to decide how they want to
proceed.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Yesterday, Dr Shah explained to me that
the liver tumors have progressed. They have not grown a lot but they
have grown. She wants to repeat the TAZE treatment that I had in
2009. With the TAZE treatment, they go through your groin and place
chemo seeds directly into your liver to slow the tumor growth.
However, it also causes portions of your liver to atrophy as well.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This treatment is not a 'cure' it is
only an avenue used to 'buy me time.' When I received the TAZE in
2009, I truly believed I was going to die from the treatment. I was
desperately sick and it took me several months before I could begin
to live life normally again. So the thought of going through that
again has literally sent me reeling and I find myself doing battle
once again in my mind.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
How do you decide between a treatment
that is going to cause you to lose months of living as apposed to not
doing treatments and risking the chance of shortening your life? As
if that decision isn't tough enough, my mind is thinking about so
many other things like: Will Joe be okay after I'm gone? How will my
children deal with the death of their mother? Will my grandchildren
remember Mimi? What about my family? They've already gone through
this once. Will they be able to deal with it again? And my friends...
and … so on and so on.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
When you face death in the eye, you're
not thinking about your bills or if your house is clean or how much
you weigh. You are thinking about your relationships. Did I love them
enough? Do they know how much I care for them? Did I share with them
the things that are near and dear to my heart? Am I leaving any type
of a legacy?
</div>
<br />
But if I could be completely honest
with you today as my heart is aching, my biggest question is: Where
is the victory? Where is the testimony? How does God get the glory in
this? What makes my cancer diagnosis any different from someone else
who doesn't know the Lord? Why would someone without Christ want to
know my God if He's going to allow me to die of cancer just like
them? Very good questions, not so easy answers. But I'll give it my
best shot.
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b>SO WHERE'S THE MIRACLE: </b>
</div>
On Friday the 13<sup>th</sup> in
February 2004, I was diagnosed with Carcinoid Cancer and given
approximately 3 months to live. As I'm sitting here typing this
chapter, I have beaten that diagnosis by over nine and a half years.
<i><b>That's a miracle!</b></i>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
On June 24, 2044 I was scheduled for a
Clincial Trial that could have taken my life. This trial started just
days before I was to begin and several people experienced 'sudden
death' so they canceled the Clinical Trial. <i><b>That's a miracle!</b></i></div>
<br />
On July 16, 2008 they gave be a TAZE
treatment that was supposed to 'buy me' 12 – 18 months. That was
over five years ago. <i><b>That's a miracle!</b></i>
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In 2000 when my spouse left me after 20
years of marriage I thought I would never find true love. I was
convinced my fate was to be a single woman for the rest of my life.
But God brought Joe into my life and I have experienced true love.
<i><b>That's a miracle!</b></i></div>
<br />
<div style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Since my diagnosis in 2004, I am not the same woman. Up until the day
of my diagnosis I was a self-conscious, fearful woman who was
obsessed with pleasing people and constantly trying to be 'good
enough'. Since my diagnosis, God has transformed me into a woman who
knows who she is in God and spends her days mentoring other women.
<i><b>That's a miracle!</b></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
In November 2002, Dr. Shah mentioned
another Clinical Trial with interferon. I told her I'd like to pray
about it but never got any peace with moving forward and doing the
interferon. At my last appointment I learned they canceled that trial
as well. I didn't ask why. But I know that because of God's direction
and guidance I have dodged the bullet once again. <i><b>That's a
miracle!</b></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I've
watched my grandchildren grow into healthy, fun loving kids. And have
had a blast traveling back and forth to Montana for the past seven
years visiting them. In fact, they are on their way to our house as I
type. They will be here for two weeks and then I'm flying back with
them to spend two weeks at their home in Montana. </span></span><i><b>That's
a miracle!</b></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Knowing myself and knowing my limits,
when I look back at what I have gone through and how I have been able
to continue praising God through it all, that's nothing I could have
done on my own. <i><b>That's a miracle!</b></i></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I've had many people say “I wish I
had the strength that you do.” Can I tell you that
emotional/spiritual strength doesn't come easily. It's much like the
couch potato watching Biggest Loser and saying “I wish I could lose
weight like that.” You can! Get off the couch and move. If you want
God's peace and His strength, you can have it. But you've gotta get
off the couch and go get it by reading the Word, Praising and
Worshiping Him, living a life that is pleasing to Him, and by giving
Him everything; not just what you want to give Him. You must give him
everything and allow Him to rule and reign over your life.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The difference between me and the
patient without God is she's making the decisions on her own, she's
battling with what is right and what is wrong, she's thinking about
whether there really is an afterlife or not, she believes it's too
late for her to ask God for help, and she's a nervous, beat up mess
inside.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will be honest and say I have my days
when I wallow in self pity. But I don't stay there. I force myself to
get up and move and I'm always listening for that still small voice
that prods me to keep moving. For instance, I was watching "Man,
Woman, Wild" (my new Netflix obsession) and the woman on the
show says... "Winston Churchill once said 'If you're going
through hell keep going!' If you sit still you're just waiting to
die. Even when you're terrified you have to persevere. You can either
choose to lie down and die... or choose to keep moving forward and
live another day." Go ahead Netflix PREACH!</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
That's how God speaks to me ~ sometimes
it's on a television program, sometimes it's the radio, sometimes
it's a friend's voice and sometimes it's that still small voice you
can only hear when you have quieted your spirit and sat in His
presence for a time.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
So... go ahead and google me. One day I
GUARANTEE you will find my obituary. One day you will read how I
died. One day these fingers will no longer tap on this keyboard and
these arms will no longer hold my grandbabies tight. One day my time
will come and I will go to Heaven to be with the Lord and my loved
ones who have passed before me.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Even Lazarus (who Christ raised from
the dead) had an appointed time to die. You don't still see him
strolling around here on earth. Even after being resurrected, Lazarus
still had to die. No one gets out without dying. No one. Doesn't
matter how good we are, how cute we are, how important we are, how
intelligent we are. We are all going to die.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I remember as a child, lying in my bed
at night and being terrified of dying. I remember thinking how close
the casket was going to come to my face and how once it's shut I'm
going to be put under the earth and how claustrophobic that made me
feel.
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Today I know more about death and
understand what Christ has done to swallow up death. The victory is
in the life hereafter. The victory is in knowing that I am Heaven
bound. The victory is in not being afraid of death or dying. The
victory is in the peace that passes understanding. The victory is in
having Someone bigger than myself to lean on. The victory is that
cancer can't separate me from my God. Cancer can't cripple love.
Cancer can't shatter hope. Cancer can't dissolve faith. Cancer can't
destroy peace. Cancer can't kill friendship. Cancer can't suppress
memories. Cancer can't silence courage. Cancer can't invade the soul.
Cancer can't steal eternal life. Cancer can't conquer the spirit.
</div>
<br />
<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>And cancer
can't WIN when you do CANCER GOD'S WAY! </b></span>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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Brenda Lantinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15252836773145289000noreply@blogger.com0