A modern day love story

We just returned home from one of many, many, many visits to the Cancer Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. And once again I am rejoicing because they allowed me to drink the clear contrast and not the white contrast. It's the little things that make me so happy! It's a toss up between the two concoctions because the clear contrast burns like chemicals going down... but the white contrast doesn't go down! So I'm always excited when I get the chemical contrast.

We went to the doctors office directly following the CT Scan and she confirmed that all of my blood work came back normal. Which to this day I still don't understand how someone can be so ill and their blood work is 'normal.' But okay.

However during our visit, the doctor did mention she noticed several new lesions on my liver that weren't there six months ago. She is having the radiologist look at them and will get back to me to let me know what's going on. She couldn't say if they were tumors but she did begin talking about Chemo Embolization; a procedure we discussed at the beginning of this journey. I clearly remember her saying that Chemo Embolization wouldn't cure the Carcinoid but it would 'buy me time' at the end of the disease. So when she began talking about setting up a date for the Chemo Embolization my heart sank.

Joe and I have talked (of course) and we decided we have trusted the Lord this far... and we're not backing down now. So we will wait to see what's next. We decided we are just in the “What in the world” stage of this miracle. You know... like when Daniel obeyed God and ended up standing in the middle of the lion's den. Surely he said, “What in the world?!” And when Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego were thrown into the fire. I know they said, “What in the world?!” Or Moses. God delivered him from so much only to lead him to the Red Sea. Can't you just see him standing there facing the Red Sea, knowing he was trapped and feeling like the situation was hopeless? I imagine he threw his hands up in the air, looked toward Heaven and said, “What in the world?!” They didn't know the rest of their story. There was no way for them to know the miracle they were about to witness. That's where Joe and I believe we are; facing the Red Sea saying “What in the world?!” We know (through all of the trials we have already been through) that our Lord will deliver us once again. This diagnosis certainly isn't what Joe and I expected to hear. But we trust God and know He has an incredible plan for us.

The next day Joe and I traveled to Cleveland to attend his niece's wedding. At the reception, as Joe and I were slow dancing I began to cry. There were so many thoughts racing through my mind; so many fears trying to grip my soul. My greatest fear was losing Joe! I couldn't speak so I just let him hold me close as I tried to hide the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. He held me close and said, “We're going to get through this baby! We'll be alright.”

Two days later while at work, I received an email from the nurse practitioner. After reading the first two lines, I knew this was not going to work out the way Joe and I had prayed. The nurse practitioner began the email with “Brenda, we need to discuss the CT results. Is there a number I can call you at? It is much as the doctor feared. I'm so sorry to have to give you this news.”

She called me at work and continued by explaining that the tumors in my liver had grown considerably and there were several more new tumors. She said “We need to set you up and begin Chemo Embolization. We believe with Chemo Embolization (if all goes well) we can buy you 18-24 months. If you tolerate it well, we can repeat the procedure but you have to understand it's a little less effective each time we administer it.” My mind raced to Joe, my children and my grandchildren. How was I going to tell Joe that not only are the tumors larger but there are several more tumors; when he truly believed all of the tumors were going to be gone?

How do I call my daughter in Wyoming to let her know that her mom in Ohio is really sick? If I die now, my grand babies will never know me. I'll be nothing more than a picture they call Mimi. Oh God. This can't be happening. I don't understand – WHY?!

Finally after about 10 minutes of my mind spinning, I decided to go home. I needed to be in Joe's arms. I needed to have him hold me tight. When I finally arrived home and walked through the front door, Joe came out of the bedroom laughing and said, “Hey Baby. Whatcha doing?” When his eyes met mine, he immediately began to cry and said, “NO! Oh please no!”

We sat on the couch and held each other for quite a while before we were able to begin talking. Thinking how we had only been married for two years, I looked at Joe and said, “Joe, if I had known this was going to happen I would have never married you. I'm so sorry.” He looked at me and said, “If I had known how bad it hurt to really love someone, I would have never married you. So now that that's settled, let's never go there again.”

I got as close to Joe as I could and said, “Please hold me REALLY tight!” It's amazing the comfort and peace I find in his arms. What would I ever do without him? God has certainly blessed me beyond anything I could have ever hoped or dreamed.

Joe's mom died of cancer several years earlier, so he is very aware of how difficult this path could become; yet he is determined to trust God and love me through it all.

As Joe held me tight, he continued to cry. I've known Joe for a little over three years now and this is the first time I've seen him cry. He started to talk about how he had watched “Love Story” years ago but decided it was just too painful to think about. So we sat quietly on the couch holding each other and letting it sink into our spirits that our lives just took a drastic turn.

Just one week prior, Joe and I were on our way to church talking about the revival that was going on in Florida. Our pastors would be back from being at that particular revival this morning. They declared before they went that they were going to go and “bring revival back with them.” I clearly remember telling Joe, “You can't just run to Florida, pick up a miracle and bring it home in your pocket!”

That was a week ago. When Joe looked at me (as we sat on the couch trying to grasp the new diagnosis we just received), he said “Honey... what do you think about going to Florida?” Funny how quick our attitudes and ideas can change in seven short days. Instantly I replied “Sure! Why not?! Let's go.”

In the following several days, God and I had some intense conversations. I was battling fear big time so I slept on the couch with praise music playing in my ear buds. In the middle of the night, He woke me and asked “What is it you want?” I thought for a moment and said “I want a miracle and a healing ministry.” Then I drifted back to sleep. With total peace in my heart once again about the most recent diagnosis. I decided to trust God no matter what happened.

But, my concern now was for Joe. What if we didn't go to Florida and (God forbid) I passed away. Would he spend the rest of his life being tormented by “What if.” What if we had gone to Florida? What if we had done the Chemo Embolization? What if I had taken her to another doctor? What if.” I didn't want him to ever feel like he hadn't done everything within his power to help me. So I made a conscious decision to let him decide whether we go to Florida or not. And whether I actually go through the Chemo Embolization or not. My heart was at peace and I was okay if we didn't do either. But I wanted Joe to also have peace in the decisions we were making. Sometimes I think it's so much harder on the Care Giver than it is the actual patient.

That evening Joe got on the computer and spent several hours every night for over a week looking for airline tickets to Florida. He was willing to pay far more for the tickets than I was, but for whatever reason every time he tried to purchase the tickets he was denied. Finally on Sunday morning, he looked at me and said, “Honey. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe God doesn't want us to go to Florida. If we are declined again, are you alright with not going?” I assured him that I was.

It wasn't five minutes later when Joe had purchased two airline tickets for under $400. That was less than half the price of ONE ticket earlier. God had opened the door wide open and we were scheduled to fly out of Pittsburgh on a Friday and return on Sunday. This means we won't need to miss work either. God is amazing and His plans are so much better than any of ours.

Within two weeks of purchasing the tickets, God used people to bless us more than we could have ever expected. The first blessing was finding tickets at such a great price. Then our landlord told Joe, “We just want you to know we tore up your rent check. Use that money to take your wife to Florida for a healing.”

We received two cards in the mail totaling $250. A lady came into my office and wrote a check for $200 even after I told her we had everything covered. She said, “Listen honey. I'm just being obedient to the Lord.”

Another dear friend handed Joe a $200 check in church and someone we love dearly gave us his Stimulus Check of $300 plus another $50. With a grand total of $1,375! We serve such an awesome God. He always gives far above anything we could anticipate. What a blessing to be able to go to Florida and not worry about how we're going to pay for it. The remaining money will be used to bring our children and grandchildren home from Wyoming during the Chemo Embolization.