Have you ever had so much on your mind that you almost felt like you were watching your life go past like a movie? Have you ever been under so much stress that you do things and don’t even remember doing them? Like putting the dish soap in the refrigerator or spraying deodorant on as hairspray? Ya, me neither. During the time of my diagnosis and everything else that was going on in my life, I actually had family members who refused to ride in a car with me. I would get so deep into thought as I was driving that I would drift into the passing lane and not even know it. It’s a wonder I was never killed or never killed anyone else.
The scariest drive I ever took was when I drove about 30 minutes home one sunny afternoon. But when I walked through the front door of my house I couldn’t remember how I got there. I didn’t remember driving at all! Now that’s scary.
It was also during this time that God had His hand of protection on me like never before. Much like a loving Father would do He had people on every side protecting and guiding me along the way.
For instance, one night I was driving up Route 62. As I drove I was thinking about my recent diagnosis and how that was going to affect not only my life but the lives of my children and family. Would I die quickly or would I linger on? Did I want to die quickly or would I rather die slowly? Would it be the same way as Dad died or would it be different. Will I have to endure a lot of medical procedures or will it just be a matter of keeping me ‘as comfortable as possible?’ So many unanswered questions, so many thoughts, so much to worry about.
Suddenly there were red and blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. Where in the world did he come from? Was he trying to get around me or was it me he was after? It didn’t take but a few moments to realize that it was in fact me he was trying to pull over.
For whatever strange reason the officer came very slowly up to the passenger side window of my car. Looking into the car as he got closer and closer. I reached over and wound down the passenger side window. That’s when he immediately shined his 1,000 watt flashlight in my eyes and demanded, “Do you know what you just did?!” I paused and then said, “Was I speeding?” “Besides that!” he yelled back at me.
By now my mind was really spinning and I began to wonder if I had caused an accident or ran someone over. What could I have possibly done that had upset him so bad?
Seems, according to the officer, I had run him off the road as I flew past him and several other cars that I don’t ever remember seeing. This is when the proverbial straw broke the camel's back. It had been ten days since my diagnosis, I had my MRIs and CT Scans on the seat beside me and my appointment with a second doctor in Pittsburgh was the following morning. For ten days I had remained strong and in control, but this chance meeting with an officer on Route 62 threw me into a tail spin.
I began to cry. Not a “I don’t want a ticket” kind of cry. More of a “you better call for backup” kind of cry. The more I cried the harder I shook. I couldn’t contain what was exploding from inside. I couldn’t stop it and I couldn’t control it. I just sobbed and cried and shook and snotted and had a complete and total melt down right there in front of this officer who was already thinking I was crazy for running him off the road.
As I melted down, I was searching for my license and registration card. Finally I handed them over to the officer who just stood there staring at me. He said, “Lady, are you okay?” and I really started bawling then. “No! I’m not okay! I was just diagnosed with cancer, my kids aren’t dealing well with it, I’m not dealing well with it, I’ve got to go tomorrow for more news from a second doctor, and…..” I went on and on and on giving this poor man my life’s history in about 15 seconds.
He never said a word, just turned and went back to his car. He was in his car for what seemed like an eternity before he walked back up to the driver’s window. Still writing my ticket, he said “Have they diagnosed your cancer as terminal?” and I said “I will find out for sure tomorrow in Pittsburgh.” Instantly he stopped writing, looked me in the eyes and said, “I don’t know about your God… but my God is a God of miracles! You don’t know what He has planned through this… His plans aren’t our plans…”
Then he asked about my children and continued with a ten minute sermon straight from the throne of God. If Jesus Himself had said the words that were coming out of this officer’s mouth, it wouldn’t have been any clearer. The police officer continued by saying “It says in Philippians for me to live is Christ and to die is gain. He’s not finished with you yet. And which would be worse… to have your children lose you to cancer or for me to call them tonight and tell you were killed in a car accident?!”
At this point he looked back down and finished filling out the ticket. He tore it off his pad and handed it to me with one last word of advice. “You!” he said firmly, “Have to start paying closer attention to your driving! You don’t want to be killed in a car accident and you don’t want to kill anyone else either! This is a written warning… but I don’t want to see you driving this way again.”
He took one step away, stopped, looked at me once more and said, “I’ll be praying for a good report tomorrow.” I just sat there trying to digest everything he had said and thanking God not only that I hadn’t killed someone but that I didn’t have to pay a ticket either.
God knows exactly how to get our attention when He needs to get our attention. And He will use flashing lights and a man in uniform when necessary.
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