If you take a look at the book of Genesis you will
read about a young man named Joseph who was betrayed and hurt over
and over and over again. Not by strangers but by those closest to his
heart. Those he ate dinner with every night and played tag with every
day. Those he loved and trusted. Over the course of his life Joseph
found himself being accused falsely and enduring the pain of betrayal
and deceit over and over again.
Somehow through everything Joseph endured, he
chose not to have a pity party. He didn't allow himself to slide into
depression. He didn't let unforgiveness overtake him. He had every
right to become angry and bitter. He had every right to cast his
brothers into prison. But he chose to take the high road every time.
He chose to serve his King regardless of what was going on around
him.
Because of Joseph's attitude and humility, God
used Joseph's brokenness to save the lives of thousands. He used
Joseph's trials to bring glory to Himself and show His mercy to the
Jew and the Gentile.
Because of his obedience to God, Joseph had favor
with God and with man. He was reunited with his father and his
family. His obedience eventually put him in a high position. He was
exalted and there was none above Joseph (Gen 40:39-41). All because
he didn't hold onto his right to be angry and bitter.
Yes, we have all endured pain of some sort. But I
have yet to meet anyone who has gone through anything equivalent to
what Joseph endured.
Married right out of high school, in 1999 I
suddenly found myself divorced and a single mom with two teenagers,
no job and wondering what I was supposed to do now since I hadn't
worked outside of the home for over 20 years. Being instantly thrust
into a life of rejection, betrayal and major anger issues (not to
mention great financial struggles, and everyday trials like
malfunctioning cars, hot tubs and furnaces); life was suddenly very
different and my lack of knowledge and resources were a daily
reminder of my inadequacies and my dependency on others.
I've had several surgeries in my lifetime and went
through natural childbirth with two babies; but nothing quite
compares to the pain divorce causes. I vividly remember lying across
my bed screaming out to God in pain and fear. I remember pulling my
van over on the way to work several times just to throw up because of
what was going on inside my heart and soul. I remember the cold knife
that pierced my heart whenever I had to sit across a courtroom to
fight over material belongings and/or child support with the man I
thought I was going to grow old with.
Where was God? Why was He allowing this? Did He
even know what was going on? Maybe He didn't even care? I
had served Him for about eighteen years at this point. Can't He see
my broken heart? Does He know that I lost my home, my children and
every sense of security I ever had? Is He ever going to step in and
help me or am I truly on my own? Oh God! Where are you?! Why are You
so quiet? Is this really how You treat Your children? Because if it
is... no thanks!
My daughter went to college, our two Belarusian
boys (who visited for the past five summers as a part of the Children
of Chernobyl program) flew back home to Belarus and my son, Josh
moved in with his father two states away. I got my first job (in 20
years) working in a candy factory; making minimum wage. What a slap
to my self esteem as I was now doing the exact same thing I did
twenty years earlier when I found out I was pregnant with our first
child and we decided I should be a stay-at-home mom. The confusion
and anger were difficult to control as I asked God “why.” I had
lost everything; my marriage, my children, my financial security, my
home, my lifestyle…everything!
Making only minimum wage I wasn’t able to keep
up with all the bills and my beautiful log house (with a Jacuzzi in
the master bedroom) was scheduled for sheriff sale. But God helped
the house to sell to the first person who looked at it. The house
sold and I became homeless all in one day. The following day a woman
came into the church office to “bless someone with her mobile
home.” When I first looked at this FREE 10x50 mobile home, I
snobbishly refused to live in such a‘little shoebox.’ A few days
later the Lord reminded me of my earlier prayer about ending up in a
cardboard box by the river. He said, “If you end up in a cardboard
box by the river, it’s because you CHOSE to live there!” I
immediately called the woman offering the free trailer and agreed to
take it. That little shoebox became a place where I would spend
quality time in God’s presence. All these years later, I still have
fond memories of my 1 ½ years spent in my beloved shoebox.
Later I was able to purchase a larger home and
moved back into the same mobile home park where I lived 20 years
earlier in my first marriage. When I asked the Lord why I should have
to go back to square one after so many years, He spoke to my heart
and said, “This time we’re doing it MY way.” From that moment
on I chose to look at my life as an adventure, something new,
something God was going to do for me and I chose to believe that
since He was in control this time– it was going to be good.
My divorce was final on my son’s 16th birthday.
I was sued for child support and they garnished my wages;
automatically deducting $286 out of my $400 paychecks every two
weeks. During this time I would cry out to God and ask Him “How
much more?! What else can possibly be stripped from my life? Haven’t
I already lost enough?! When will this end?”
It was during my struggle with losing so much that
I lost one of the most precious things I had in my life; my Dad (and
best friend). He passed away from Carcinoid Cancer at the age of 61.
About this same time I was diagnosed with
Spasmodic Dysphonia. An incurable, rare disease that restricts
speech. Instead of vibrating, my vocal chords spasm causing broken
speech and breathing. Increased stress, increases symptoms. There is
no known cause for SD but many doctors believe it can be brought on
by stress. Well hello!
On September 14, 2001, my daughter, Chrissy
continued her education in California and I found myself putting her
on the first flight in America traveling to California after the
terrorist attacks on 9-1-1. Bomb squads and army men escorted a
handful of us through the airport; still unsure of how safe it really
was to begin flying again. The fear that gripped my heart literally
took my breath away and I was frantic about putting her on an
airplane in fear of yet another terrorist attack. My pride for her
willingness to go was the only thing that allowed me to let her go.
So, yes I understand how Joseph felt. How can
someone closest to your heart suddenly become your greatest enemy?
What I didn't understand was the link between stress and physical
complications. I didn't realize that my emotional pain could very
well be the cause of the physical symptoms I was experiencing.
Physicians are beginning to link unforgiveness
with many types of disease. They are realizing that unforgiveness is
like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It slowly
eats at your soul and destroys your health. The digestive system of
an unforgiving person appears to be much more acidic than the
digestive system of a person who has learned to forgive and forget.
The person struggling with forgiving another for
hurts of the past is far more likely to suffer not only emotionally
but physically as well. And it all stems back to our 'rights'. You
have every right to hold onto what has happened to you and the hurt
you carry. It is your choice to remain in the past instead of
trusting in the future.
But those who will not relinquish their 'rights'
will also carry insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation,
broken relationships, betrayal and backsliding with them (to name a
few). Those who refuse to forgive and choose to remain offended will
produce hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife,
bitterness, hatred and envy. It has wisely been said that hurt people
hurt people.
Many times those who have been hurt are oblivious
to their condition because they are so focused on the wrong that has
been done to them that they don't realize all the pain that surrounds
them is a result of their unforgiveness.
I can almost hear those who are reading this
chapter saying “Sure! But how do you live a stress free life in such a
stressful world?” I wish I had a good answer to that. The only
thing I have to offer is to suggest that the more you keep your eyes
on Christ and how big He truly is, the smaller your problems seem to
be.
Even when you don't understand “why” – keep
moving forward. Even when you can't see what God is doing – keep
believing that He is moving on your behalf.
Hold onto the promises of the Bible: Genesis
50:18-20 What man intended for evil – God will use it for good.
Romans 8:28 ALL things work together for YOUR good. I Peter
4:8 Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one
another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards
the offenses of others]. Luke 6:37-38 Don’t pick on people,
jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course,
you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that
hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot
easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not
merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not
getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."
We often miss the will of God for our lives by
deliberately choosing to be disobedient and hold onto our stuff. I
vividly remember the day God asked me to begin praying for my
ex-husband and his new wife! I couldn't believe He would ask such a
hard thing. Admittedly, the first few prayers were short and
unconvincing. But as I continued to pray in obedience I found that
His request wasn't for my Ex. It was for me. I was the one changed
through my obedience. My heart was the one softened. Through those
prayers I allowed forgiveness to enter my heart and life.
Do you understand that you can hold back His glory
simply by holding onto the things He's asking you to let go of? Why
does it come as such a shock when someone hurts us? Don't you realize
that rejection and persecution are the prerequisites of promotion.
Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever felt
abandoned? Do you wrestle with self worth? Does it seem like you
aren’t as important/valuable as others? Does fear keep you from
accomplishing God’s will for your life?
Do you believe God wants to use you? Do you
believe you were formed and fashioned for a specific purpose in this
lifetime? Then you must relinquish all rights to what you're holding
onto. Christ never held onto His rights ~ even unto death. Jesus
Christ was totally innocent and sinless. He had every ability and
right to say “I'm not going through with this. I'm not dying for
this sinful world. This isn't fair! I am the Son of God. I'm not
doing this!” But for our sake He didn't hold onto His rights. Instead,
out of His great love for you (and for me) He endured the pain for
the cross and He endured the stripes that were put on His back for
our healing.
Worship is the
key. Worship turns what we have into enough, and more. It
turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into
clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a
stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings
peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. How do you endure
great heart ache and betrayal? It's all about living a life of
worship.
Living in such a way as to give God ALL the glory.
Even through the difficult times. Even when it hurts. Even when you
feel misunderstood. Even under great attack. It's all about learning
to turn every situation into an opportunity to serve God and worship
Him through it. It’s not about how we feel… or what we think.
Are you ready to give up your rights? God
wants to use each of your trials for your good and His glory. God
wants to use your brokenness. But He can't and He won't until you
give up your rights to the things you are holding onto...
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