Prove it to me



I am so blessed to be able to spend a lengthy and quality time with Chrissy and the grandbabies this summer. I flew to Montana on August 8^th to surprise Gavin for his 6^th birthday, then on the 16^th Chrissy, Gavin, Natalie and myself drove from Miles City, Montana to Hubbard, Ohio to spend a week with our Ohio family. We drove over 16 hours on Wednesday and 16 hours on Thursday arriving about 5:00am on Friday. It was a short week in Ohio but we stuffed it with lots of fun things like: 3D movies, an awesome safari, swimming at Mimi's private beach, Unity Fest and more!

Then on Friday, August 24^th we jumped back in the car and begrudgingly began our journey back to Miles City, Montana. The 32+ hour drive is a lot like child birth. The first time you make the trip you have no idea what you are in for so you look forward to your time on the road with anticipation and joy. But after that first delivery, you are no longer naive to the intensity that awaits you.

Somehow the more time between each journey kinda softens the blow and you almost forget how very long that drive really is. Let me tell you seven days in Ohio is not nearly long enough to soften the thoughts of driving all the way back to Miles City, Montana and none of us were excited about crawling back in that car and heading out. But we did because we wanted to get home for Nate's Gramma's 85^th birthday party (which was to be held on Sunday the 26^th). We had our route figured out and were prepared to arrive in Miles City late Saturday just in time for the birthday party on Sunday.
 

Our journey begins and through the course of the day Holy Spirit says to Chrissy “you have no idea what is ahead of you.” Friday night, totally exhausted after driving for over 10 hours, we find a room in Janesville, Wisconsin. It looks like a decent price and we all crawl out of the car and trudge our way into the Microtel. Much to our surprise when we open the door the entire wall behind the two queen size beds is a black two way mirror!! What the what?!! Totally exhausted, Chrissy and I look at each other... giggle and crawl into bed with the babies and sleep until 10:00am.

I went down for the continental breakfast and met the owner. Looking at the weather report on tv about the hurricane headed toward Cuba and Florida he says in very broken English “Mutter nature seem very angry.” I smile and said “Yes... it certainly seems that way doesn't it?” My mind is spinning as I try to strike a conversation with this Arabic man. Then he smiles and says “Yes... if it's not Mutter Nature... it's terrorists... hee hee hee.” I'm speechless and a cold chill runs up my spine. I smile back sweetly and say “I guess you're right. You just never know what lies ahead do you?” Then I cover my cold bagel and head back to my room. Still trying to think of how I could have incorporated Christ into that conversation.

The room in this hotel was not only creepy with it's dark, two way looking mirror... it was also filthy. We couldn't wait to leave our 'big brother' bedroom and get back on the road; still trying to make Gramma's birthday party on Sunday. After about 6 hours of driving, we learn that the birthday plans were changed and everyone celebrated Gramma's birthday TODAY!! All of our hustling was for nothing. So we slow the pace and decide to just meander our way back to Miles City and enjoy the journey along the way. That's when our craz-ar (radar) went off and the rest of the day was like a nightmare we couldn't wake up from.

After traveling for over 10 hours again, we decide to stop, get a room, go for a swim and call it a day. So in Alexandria, Minnesota we stopped at a Days Inn and high fived each other because the room only cost $65. Chrissy went in, paid for the room and we pulled around back (as instructed) to get to the entrance nearest our room. Now in all fairness, the girl at the desk told us that the room was a smoking room and we weren't too concerned because so was last night's big brother room and we thought it couldn't be any worse than that! Boy were we wrong!!

The babies were jumping up and down as we walked down the hall to our room. They couldn't wait to get in the pool. The closer we got to our room, the stronger the smell of cigarettes, weed and something I've never smelled before got. Chrissy and I just looked at each other and kept walking. We opened the door to our room and I was shocked at how tiny it was. There was only one double bed and you couldn't sit in the bathroom and shut the door at the same time because your knees would be in the way. You had to kind of walk in, turn sideways, shut the door and then sit down. Again, in our room was an overpowering fog of cigarettes, weed and something.... I don't know... something hot like an empty pan left on the burner.

Still hoping for the best, the kids put their swim suits on and headed toward the pool. Just before the pool entrance sat four elderly people playing cards. At first glance, they seemed helpless enough. Later on we wondered what they were really up to. Then we went into the room with the pool.

Can I just say that I believe there are different levels of discernment and cra-zar. Level one says “This probably isn't such a good idea.” Level two says “You really need to leave this place.” And while we were sitting in the pool area my discernment level was about a 100 and screaming “Leave! And leave now!!!”

There were two guys whispering something back and forth and looking at Chrissy and the kids. I'm not sure they knew I was with them because we went into the pool room separately. There were a dozen little kids and only a couple adults there. The adults were catapulting the little babies with life jackets on like basketballs into the water. There's a party going on in the parking lot just outside the pool area and an older man peeking into the windows where the pool is. My stomach was churning and my spirit screaming “This isn't okay at all.”

After a few short minutes, we convince the kids we're going to go get something to eat and maybe we will come back to the pool later. As we walk back to our room, we are followed by a couple in full leathers looking like they've been on a bike for weeks without stopping. The young couple in front of us, opened the door to their room and you can hear a room full of voices partying and that strange smell instantly got stronger.

So here we are... once again in a filthy, ghetto hotel. Only this time, people are openly partying and I'm not feeling safe at all! I've already decided that I would let Chrissy and the babies sleep while I sat in the chair on guard all night. Chrissy says “We can order a pizza and have it delivered to the room.” And I snapped back “I'm not opening that door for no pizza man!!!!”

Once in the room, Chrissy looks at me... I look at her and ask “Do you think we're okay here?!” She says “Listen... we've already paid for the room. We're staying!” I replied “Is it really worth $70 buck?!”

Chrissy was trying not to panic and thought I was 'cool' with being there. I was trying not to panic and thought she was 'cool' with being there. When we both realized that neither one of us was 'cool' with being there we began to move in sync and very quickly!!

She called the front desk and explained that the smoke was unbearable and that her allergies would not allow her to stay (She did well by not saying what kind of smoke! I think I would have went off on the girl at the front desk and really made a mess of things!) In the meantime, I'm trying to dress two babies and get them ready to run for the car. I don't know what I thought was going to happen... I just knew whatever it was it wasn't good and I was ready to bolt; with or without a refund.

At one point, Gavin began to give me a hard time because I was putting his shirt on and his hair was still wet. Chris said that's when she saw something in me go 'click' and I went into survival mode. That little boy and his sister were packed and back in the car before they knew what happened. I dropped Chrissy off at the front desk, she got aour money back and we beat it outta town fast.

The poor babies in the back seat were confused, starving and wondering what in the world was happening. While Chrissy was at the front desk I said to Gavin and Natalie “Hey guys? Listen. Do you know what discernment is?” “Noooo....” they answered. “Well,” I continued, “When you have Jesus in your heart God gives you this thing called 'discernment' and what it is.... is Jesus telling you when something isn't right. And Mommy AND Mimi BOTH heard Jesus say that this isn't a safe place for us to be. So we are going to find another place to sleep tonight.”

Natalie's eyes got big and she says in her sweet little voice “I didn't hear Him say nothin...” I assured her that it was okay because she was playing in the pool and that's exactly what she was supposed to be doing. It's Mommy's and Mimi's job to hear Jesus and keep them safe. They both seemed to understand and were content just to find some place to eat.

If you've ever traveled out west you know that finding a place to eat can be quite a challenge between cities. Finally, around 11pm we find a Perkins and go in to eat dinner. After eating, we walk out into the parking lot and were met by two men in their 60s who parked beside our car. The one man walked into Perkins but the other stopped in the middle of the parking lot and just stared at us as we tried to hustle the kids into their car seats and lock the doors. I looked over at Chrissy and could tell she was about to go “Madea” on this guy as she stared him down; almost daring him to say something or take one step toward our vehicle.

We got in the car and once again hit the road. The further away we got from all that mess the better we began to feel. With full bellies and damp hair, the kids were instantly asleep in the back seat. Two hours later, we both knew we couldn't drive nine more hours without sleep... but we don't want to have another bad hotel experience. Not sure what we're going to do we pull into Fargo, North Carolina for a potty break. Chrissy went into Taco Bell first and when she came out we went on a search for a motel.

We found another Days Inn but this was NOTHING like the one we just left. And let me assure you it cost more than $70!! It was actually more than twice that price. But even though the outside looked nice and welcoming, I asked the young man at the desk to show me the room first. One peek into the room and I knew we would be safe here and the cost didn't matter.

I paid for the room, went back out to the car and we all came dragging into the room; no luggage, no nothing... in fact Gavin was in his bare feet and Natalie was asleep in Chrissy's arms. Going up the hall Chrissy said “I feel like we're trying to escape an abusive relationship or something!” We certainly did look displaced and out of sorts. To see both babies grinning when we slid them between the sheets of their comfy bed though was priceless.

So here I sit. It's 3:29am. The room is cool, the beds are comfy, there are no two way mirrors, no fog of cigarettes and/or weed and everyone else is sleeping. But the three cups of coffee I had at Perkins (because I thought we were driving all night) won't allow my mind to stop clicking.

Here's my thought for today: much like hotel rooms, there are a lot of people who call themselves Christians. They actually believe that they are going to go to Heaven and that they are 'good' people. They don't see anything wrong with the way they are living or the things that they are doing. They're just going through life doing their own thing and chasing after whatever makes them feel good.

And quite honestly, from the outside they look great! It's only after you peel back a few layers that you begin to notice a stench and a filthiness. It's only after you spend some time with them that you realize they aren't really what they say they are. It's only with Holy Spirit and discernment that you can see past this natural world and get a glimpse of what's really going on behind the scenes.

You better believe from now on before I give anyone money for a room, I want to know if that room is really what they say it is... I want them to 'prove it to me.'

If you're in a bad situation now and you're not sure what to do; don't hesitate to ask Holy Spirit to give you discernment. But when He does, then you must act on it. Don't try to dismiss your feelings or talk yourself out of what He's showing you.

Listen, this 'ole Mimi has been to Russia twice (by myself), El Salvador twice, I've walked the streets of Youngstown, Ohio witnessing and praying with people, we've done a lot of ministering in the 'ghetto' and Chrissy and I are both pretty independent and strong women of God. So don't think we were just being 'chickens.' We found ourselves in a really bad situation and who knows what could have happened; without divine intervention and discernment.

I believe there's a time to stand firm and hold your ground without fear and there's a time to follow your discernment and 'get outta dodge - FAST!'

The sun will be rising soon and the caffeine is beginning to fade. I thank God for His sovereignty and His protection. I thank Him for a good day without event. I praise Him that there are three precious treasures snoring in the bed beside me and I look forward to yet another leg of this journey in a few short hours. Much like birth pains this day will not soon be forgotten but the joy of knowing that Someone greater than ourselves is in full control and has every step ordered for us gives me total joy and complete confidence.

Today's verse for the day that I just received via email is: Psalm 119:165 There is lasting peace for those who love Your teachings. Nothing can make those people stumble.

And if you don't believe that... I dare to you ask Him to “Prove it to you!” I guarantee that He will.

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD ~ there's nothing too difficult for Me!

Last April, Chrissy and Nate were discussing the possibility of bringing a pet into their home. The kids are four and six and it would be a great home school project. But what should they get? They are already bored with fish, a dog is so much work and a cat (because of allergies) is out of the question.

As they pondered over whether to get a pet or not, they stumbled across one little miniature long eared bunny at the only pet store in town. Chrissy immediately fell in love with the bunny and Nate was ready to buy it after seeing his wife’s reaction. At the last moment, Chrissy put on her ’Mommy’ hat and said “We can’t just buy this bunny without really thinking and praying about it first.” The bunny itself was $50 and then there was food, a cage... and the list goes on and on. Her heart sank as they left the pet store empty handed.

After over four months, Chrissy still thought about the bunny and they continued to weigh the pros and cons of a pet. After coming back from a long trip to Ohio, Chrissy noticed online that someone wanted to give their bunny away to a good home. Nate and Chrissy talked again and decided to meet the owner of the bunny and see how they felt about it after talking to her. So they went to the store and priced bunny food, a cage and then prayed for discernment.

Less than an hour later the young lady was at their front door (without the bunny) just to meet them and make sure she was placing her bunny in a good home. After a few short moments of talking, Chrissy mentioned that she was the one who really wanted a bunny. She explained how they saw a bunny at the local pet store and she instantly fell in love with it.

The young girl’s eyes got big and she said “That’s the bunny I bought in April!” Since it was the only bunny there we all stood amazed at how God had orchestrated everything in such a cool way. Not only did He hand deliver the bunny to Chrissy… but she got the bunny and all the accessories the young lady bought in April for FREE. Through it all, not only did God confirme their decision to take the bunny, but He also confirmed to the young lady that this was a good home for her to place her bunny in.


In about two hours from now, we will finally meet this little gift from above and I can’t wait to see how excited the kids are going to be. They don’t know about their new pet yet.
So many times I believe we see something we like and just jump to go get it instead of letting God lead us. He loves to surprise His children and give us gifts. He loves to give us the desires of our hearts and confirm the choices they make daily. But I’m afraid our own agenda often goes before Him and we don’t get to see His hand at work in our lives.

The next time you ’need’ something, I hope you will remember this little bunny story. Slow down and wait on Him. Be still and know that He is God and if you really need it He will see that you get it. Nothing is impossible for Him.

It’s so much more rewarding to receive our little bunny from the hand of God than the girl at the cash register! (A lot cheaper too!) What a lesson this little pet has already been to two unknowing homeschoolers and their parents.

Glass half full or glass half empty - you decide

Over four years ago, I felt the Lord telling me to stop taking the Sandostatin injections because of the side effects and incredible weight gain. I battled with the idea for quite some time and finally decided that if I didn't stop taking the Sandostatin I was soon going to weigh 600lbs and probably die of a stroke or heart attack. So which was worse: having the Carcinoid symptoms or allowing the Sandostatin to cause other health issues of it's own.

I remember clearly the day I went into my doctor's office to let him know that I wasn't going to be taking any more injections. I waited until he weighed me, checked me and finally gave the injection. Then I simply said “Dr. I'm going to stop taking these injections for a while and see how I feel and if my weight will begin to go back down a little.”

His face contorted into an angry grimace as he said in a very slow and evil tone “You're making a terrible mistake... You're going to get sick you know... You're going to be in so much pain! You'll be back!! This is a very bad decision. These shots are lengthening your life span you know! You'll be in so much pain... You'll be back....”

As I walked out of his office, fear kept trying to grip my soul and I began to second guess whether I had truly heard from God or not. “Oh gosh! Have I made a mistake? Am I going to get really sick? Should I just go back and tell him I changed my mind? Will this shorten my life?!!” But I bit my lip and went to my car praying that God would show up and help me once again.

Days and then weeks went by and I felt the same; no pain, no sickness, nothing out of the ordinary. As each day passed, I felt better about my decision and knew that I really had heard from God after all. I also knew if I ever had to begin taking those injections again I was never going back to Dr. Gloom & Doom!

Here's the thing: I believe that cancer patients should have the final word in what treatments they will or will not endure. I believe that unless the patient is completely incoherent, their opinions and their feelings should always trump everyone else's.

Yes, family members should get involved in the process of deciding what action/treatments to take. But in the end the patient should get the final word. Here's why: when you are labeled with an incurable disease you feel totally and completely at the mercy of that disease. You feel vulnerable and weak. You feel like you are at the mercy of not only the disease but at the doctors who are (let's be frank here) only guessing at what your best course of action is.

There's something empowering when you take control of the reins and start making important decisions about your life and your well being. Unfortunately with a cancer diagnosis, fear normally has the upper hand. Fear normally causes folks to jump at the very first thing offered. For most patients they will do anything out of desperation to just be cured... to just be healed. They will drink the craziest concoctions, rub on the strangest oils, pray the most desperate prayers all in an attempt to get away from the curse that has been put on them.

It's only those patients who have total and complete trust in Someone much bigger than themselves who can slow everything down and control the fear that tries to overtake them. It's those folks who have learned how to delve into the word of God and hear His voice who don't feel like they are at the mercy of the physicians and/or the disease. These are the people you see sitting in the doctor's office with a smile on their face and peace in their eyes.

Isaiah 48:17 – This is what the Lord says – I am the Lord your God Who teaches you what is best for you. Who directs you in the way you should go.

I'm not implying that just because you have a relationship with God that means there is no fear or you don't worry you're making the wrong choices. I'm simply saying that much like the eye of the hurricane; you can still have great peace when everything around you is in complete turmoil.

Fast forward over four years: At my Carcinoid Specialist's appointment in Columbus, my primary physician suggests I begin the Sandostatin injections once again. She said the tumors hadn't progressed much but that the injections would keep them in check and would also help with the flushing and diarrhea I was experiencing. Being the stubborn woman that I am I simply said, “Let me pray about it and I'll let you know...” You could tell she wasn't happy with my decision but she remained quiet.

After receiving the doctor's prescription for monthly Sandostatin injections once again, I began seeking God for direction. Should I take the shot or should I continue to go without them. The doctor believes they will be beneficial but I really don't want to put that stuff in my system again. Am I just being stubborn and stupid or should I begin taking them again.

So my prayer went something like this “Lord, I don't know what to do here. Would you please confirm if You want me to go ahead and start the injections again?” Then I went on about my daily routine. It wasn't but about two days later when I became violently ill. To the point where I ended up in the emergency room.

Seriously, I haven't been that sick in years! So the answer to my prayer was pretty clear... go back on the Sandostatin. Be careful of what you pray for. You might not like the answer He gives you.

It's so easy to have all the faith you need when you're feeling good. But when the stomach pains and flushing starts so does the battle of the mind. And I believe the battle of the mind is the most intense part of the entire journey.

Am I making the right decisions? Am I seeing the right doctor? Should I take the medications prescribed? Should I try something more natural? Does my doctor know what he/she is really doing? Am I just a Guinea pig?

You could literally drive yourself crazy with all the questions and all the feelings and all the grief and all the fear. The moment a person receives a cancer diagnosis the first essential lesson they better learn quick is how to control their thoughts! If you allow your thoughts to go wherever they choose, you are going to be a very depressed, bitter, angry and fearful person. You better grab those reins quickly and hold on tight to them throughout the entire journey! Or that pony is gonna take off bucking and kicking and you might just find yourself in a heap on the ground.

I've always been a glass is half empty kinda girl. Looking back at pictures of my childhood clearly show that. I was always frowning or angry, always felt like the outcast and the unloved. To this day, I have to keep a check on my expectations because if I'm not careful I can take anything/everything personal.

As I sulked my way to Columbus today to begin the Sandostatin injections again, I kept questioning God. Did you ever have a child in the backseat of the car saying “Do we really have to go there?! I don't wanna go! Why are you making me go there?!” That's pretty much what was going on inside my mind as we traveled for three hours to get to the Cancer Hospital.

Through this adventure I've literally had to learn how to brain wash myself. When my thoughts began screaming negative things... I would turn on praise music. When fear would hover over me at night when I couldn't sleep... I would turn on praise music. When I caught myself looking at my grandchildren and wondering if they would even remember me... I would turn on praise music.

I don't want to get too deep here, but in the book of Daniel you will read that satan was the worship leader in Heaven before he was cast out of Heaven because of his pride issues. So if he was the worship leader then we know that he understands how to use music to his advantage.

Surely you've noticed how head banging music stirs up anger and anxiety in a person who listens to it on a regular basis. Or how soft soothing music can calm your spirit and actually help you go to sleep. If you want to teach your child their ABCs how do you do that? By singing My ABCs. Why do you think they insert music into movies? To create the mood they want you to feel (fear, anger, happiness, etc.) Even commercials use music to sell their product.

So if we can agree that music is so powerful, then why aren't we using it when we are fearful, or angry, or sad? I gotta tell ya... nothing pulls me out of a depressed funk like some good old praise music. Once I begin remembering how big my God is and how small my problem is to Him, there's an almost instant change in my attitude and my thoughts.

I could go on forever about music but I'm just gonna say this one thing: I dare you to put what I'm telling you to the test. When you go to bed tonight, pull out your MP3 player and your ear buds. Play some soothing praise music that talks about the goodness and grace of God. Let it play all night while you're sleeping and see how you feel in the morning. I can almost guarantee that your spirit will have been nourished and you will feel like conquering yet another day.

This cancer battle is all about transforming your mind. Life in general is all about transforming your mind. Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing... you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

This journey has been transforming me into a “glass is half full” kinda girl. And I'm learning that there is always a silver lining in every cloud. Sometimes you gotta really search for it though.

Are you up to the challenge?

VISITATIONS ~ the good, the bad and the ugly

First let me beg you to always visit those you love when they are sick and/or in the hospital. There are so many people who sit in hospitals with no one who cares enough to visit.

I understand when someone gets a diagnosis like cancer, you don't know what to say or do for them and you don't know how to help them. So the natural thing is to just stay away in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. That is the worst thing you can do. It leaves the patient feeling even more damaged then they already felt from the diagnosis.

There is this thing called the Ministry of Presence. That simply means the only thing a patient really needs from you is your presence. Just by taking time out of your day to sit with them for a few moments speaks volumes.

There is nothing you can say to make it all 'better.' There is nothing you can do to take the pain away. There is nothing you can buy them or bring to them that will cause them to forget why they are in the hospital in the first place. So be released of feeling like you have to say the perfect words, or buy the perfect gift, or even do something incredible for them. All they need to know is that you care enough to be there for them. The greatest gift you have to offer is compassion.

If you honestly can not do hospital visitations (I know people who refuse to go to hospitals and/or funeral homes), the next best thing is to send a card. I know it seems old fashion but you would be amazed to know how many times that card will be read over and over and over again. But don't stress over what you will write in the card. Simply say “I love you” or “I'm praying for you” or “I'm here for you.” It's not the words that touches the patient's heart, it's the fact that you actually thought of them and cared enough to send the card in the first place.

But please, please, please if you tell someone “If you need anything... don't hesitate to call!” Then you better be willing to back that up if they call! It's not easy for most patients to ask for help. So if they actually ask you to do something (no matter how big or how small), you need to follow through with your promise. Sometimes we say “if you need anything...” so often that it's much like saying “How you doing?” as we walk by and don't ever listen for a response from the other person. It's just the 'right' thing to say at that moment. But if you promise to be there, then by all means be there.

I included this chapter to allow you to hear some thoughts from a patient's perspective that you may have never heard before. I can be completely honest here without hurting any feelings and I'm gonna tell you some things that another patient would never dream of telling you. This is meant to help you minister better to your friend and also help your friend receive the care they are longing for during their illness.

Dear Patient,

Always remember, the things people do (or don't do) are for the most part not done intentionally but are usually done out of lack of knowledge and/or experience. In fact, the stories I am about to share are events I am certain none of those involved are even aware of.

There is one very important thing you need to keep in mind as people do (or say) things that pierce your heart deeply: Our fight is not against people on earth. We are fighting against the rulers and authorities and the powers of this world’s darkness. We are fighting against the spiritual powers of evil in the heavenly places. Be careful and watch out for attacks from the Devil, your great enemy. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour and he would want nothing more than to use a particular situation or person to bring discouragement and despair into your life. He will (and usually does) use the person closest to your heart to cause you to give up and lay down in defeat.

Realize that you are in a battle for your life and your spouse, or your child, or your friend is not your enemy. Chances are really good they are only reacting to the pain they are experiencing by helplessly watching you go through this difficult time.

Also keep in mind that when you are in pain or are depressed and/or anxious, you may be struggling with having a very short fuse. Chances are good you are far more sensitive to spoken words or inconsiderate actions than you have ever been before. This will most likely be a time when you yourself will need to learn great restraint and unending grace.

Let me assure you that those around you are NOT trying to hurt you. They just aren't certain how to help you and that's why I'm including this chapter. So sit back, give them some slack, make a copy of the next few pages and find a creative way to get them into the hands of those you love. You'll be glad you did and so will they.

Okay... here we go...

THE GOOD

There was a guy I worked with. We had a very distant friendship. In fact, we never really talked much. We never really hung out alot with Mike and his wife. But for some reason, this man had great compassion for me during my Chemo Embolization recovery. In fact, his compassion began months before the Chemo. He would meet my husband and I at a Prayer Center and begin pouring scripture and encouragement into both of our souls.

Mike believed in the healing power of Jesus Christ and his goal was to convince us that we too could believe in a miracle. Every time we met, Mike had scriptures to prove that God wanted to heal me even more than I wanted to be healed. He shared about the stripes that Christ took for my healing 2,000 years ago. He explained about God's covenant with us and our inheritance through Christ our Savior.

There were a few things that Mike shared that were just outside of my faith zone, but we met with Mike every opportunity we got because when we left we always felt encouraged and empowered to continue the battle.

After the Chemo, when I was too ill to meet at the Prayer Center, Mike would call and ask if he could come over to the house. He always arrived when Joe was home and always kept his visits short and precise. And again, we would say our goodbyes with tears in our eyes and strength in our souls.

To this day, I feel deeply indebted to our friend for how much he has poured into us. To this day, I thank God for using Mike in more ways than he will ever know. Mike's visits were always GOOD visits.

THE BAD

Everyone has worn (or has at least seen) those precious revealing gowns that hospitals insist their patients wear. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, those gowns leave very little to the imagination. Once tied up the back, the front of the gown is pressed tightly against you, showing every little bump and curve. And Heaven forbid anyone would catch a glimpse of your backside flapping in the breeze while you wrestle to keep yourself covered.

After my chemo, the doctors had a very difficult time controlling my blood pressure and keeping me coherent. My daughter still amazes me with stories of things I said and did while under the influence of anesthesia. I have very few memories of that time in my life and quite frankly would like to keep it that way.

No one had to convince me that I was a hot mess after my chemo. My hair was twisted in every direction on top of my head, no makeup, no brushing or flossing, no showers, nothing. Just me dumping every ounce of energy into simply trying to survive.

I do however remember waking up and finding a friend and her husband sitting at the foot of my bed. We weren't close friends and I had only met her husband once or twice. As I struggled to uncross and open my eyes, I immediately noticed two things: #1 how beautiful she looked and #2 how they were both giving me that ever defeating 'pity' face.

Her slender figure was carefully poised with one arm positioned behind her and her tan legs crossed at the knees. Her makeup was flawless, and her little blue jean skirt short but not too short. She had a tiny little cross necklace around her neck and bangle bracelets that jingled every time she moved.

But it was her perfume that really got to me! No seriously! As I worked hard to not look like I was dying (even though that's exactly how I felt) it was the overwhelming, all consuming fragrance that instantly turned my stomach and made me want to vomit once again.

As I smiled sweetly at both of them, I was thinking “How dare she come in here looking and smelling like that! Here I am with everything I own hanging out, vomit in the bowl beside me and an overwhelming smell of my own going on.”

I was embarrassed and humiliated for even my closest loved ones to see me that way. Words can't describe how I felt trying to carry on a coherent conversation with these two love birds in their designer clothing.

Then my mind went even further to think “They have the rest of their lives to spend together while me and my husband are looking at a very short future. How can they just come in here and flaunt the fact that they are going to live happily ever after knowing that we are begging for just one more day together.”

Finally out of pure humiliation and disgust, I simply closed my eyes, pretending to sleep and praying they would go home and leave me to my own pity party and smelliness.

A few hours later, I woke to a room full of young people laughing quite loudly. My children and their friends were at the foot of my bed enjoying each others company. Granted it was really thoughtful for their friends to travel a great distance to be there, but I really wasn't in the mood to host a party. So I closed my eyes again and went back to my own little morphine induced pity party.

THE UGLY

Okay. This story is almost unbelievable. But I promise you it's the truth. After enduring the Chemo Embolization I was at home trying to recover on the couch when a knock came at my front door. There was no one there with me so I said “Come on in! The door's open!”

Slowly the door opens and there stands a lady I knew from church. She wrestles with the door; her arms filled with a complete meal, cookies, a card and flowers. At first glance it seemed she had thought of everything.

After placing everything in the kitchen, she slipped back into the living room and sat directly at my feet on the couch. We talked for a little while before she asked me quite directly how I was feeling.

Feeling like death sucking on a life saver, I smiled and said “I'm okay” and that's when the entire visit took a drastic turn. She leaned in closely to my face and whispers “Brenda... dear... not everyone gets a miracle you know.”

I sat there speechless, staring into her eyes and rerunning her words in my mind to make sure I hadn't misunderstood what she said. Just to be certain I heard her clearly, she repeated those words that pierced my heart like a knife. “Brenda... dear... not everyone gets a miracle you know.”

The second time she said those words however something ignited a fury inside of me and it took great restraint not to physically remove her from my presence. All I could see was me tossing her out the front door with her meal, her cookies, her card and her flowers.

So rather than act on what my insides were screaming to do, I simply laid back on the couch, took a deep breath and with my eyes closed I said “I'm sorry. I'm really tired. Would you mind coming back another time?” She said she didn't mind and left immediately.

For a split second I worried that I may have talked with my face (I have a tendency to do that), but then I snapped back to reality and secretly wished I had tossed her out like my gut was telling me to.

People don't realize the power of the spoken word. They don't understand that when they leave that patient will either feel blessed and empowered or will spend weeks or even months to get over what was just dumped onto them.

Just recently (over four years after this incident) I ran into my front door visitor. She made mention of how good I looked and it took every ounce of discipline I could muster to simply say “Thank you” without reminding her of the incredibly insensitive words she had spoken over me. That was over four years ago and it still infuriates me!

How do you want people to remember you? Do you want to be a Mike who encourages or a front door visitor they will have to recover from? Make sure to always give a patient the thing they need most: HOPE! Without HOPE we have nothing.

PATIENTS NEED A GOOD ADVOCATE

Every patient needs a good Advocate who knows them well. Someone who can read non-verbal communication like: sighing, getting fidgety, shaking a leg, rolling your eyes, etc. This Advocate also needs to be someone who can tell people IN LOVE that their visit is greatly appreciated but maybe they should come back another time. A person whose main purpose is to grant the wishes of the patient and isn't too timid to ask someone to leave.

This may or may not be your spouse or relative. In my case, my husband would never dream of asking someone to leave. He has the heart the size of Texas and couldn't imagine asking someone to come back another time. So he probably wouldn't be my first choice as my Advocate.

My daughter, on the other hand, was created to let people know when they need to go. She has always been a child that spoke the truth and most things to Chrissy are black and white. She's just recently learned how to say what she's thinking very diplomatically and in love.

Although, God was very smart by not having her available for my front door visitor. I'm certain that the very things that were running through my mind would have come out of Chrissy's mouth. So it was best that I was home alone for that one.

If you're the patient, think of someone who would have your best interest in mind. Someone who is bold but not brash. Someone who is a great hostess but not a pushover. Someone who knows you well enough to know when you're feeling uncomfortable or uneasy. Someone you can trust to speak your heart in love.

If you're a visitor, always respect the thoughts and opinions of the Advocate. Their only objective is to make a difficult journey more bearable for their loved one. And again, don't make it about you. Make it all about the needs of the patient.

DO:

• take the time to visit people you love
• ask permission to visit before you arrive unannounced
• tell them often how important they are to you
• say I love you
• keep your promises to be there for them
• find ways to always encourage them and empower them to continue in the fight
• try to put yourself in their shoes and be considerate and understanding to the best of your ability
• send cards, take over meals, bake some cookies
• be careful not to 'over dress' while visiting someone in the hospital
• understand that loud voices/noises can be really irritating to the patient
• try to keep your visits short and encouraging
• watch for non-verbal signs from the patient and respect their wishes to be left alone
• always believe the best case scenario for the patient and encourage them to believe it also
• knock on the patient's door and wait to be invited in before entering
• be cheerful and have a pleasant conversation
• listen attentively and give the patient your undivided attention

DONT:

• worry about what you'll say or do
• allow anything to keep you from being there for the people you love
• make it about you
• worry that you'll do something wrong
• wear perfume/cologne that is overpowering
• take comments from a weary patient personally
• give them the “Pity Face”
• please don't give them the “Pity Face”
• ever tell a person they may not receive a miracle or a healing – no matter how desperate the situation may appear
• visit if you are not feeling well yourself
• take young children with you – unless the patient requests to see them
• expect the patient to entertain you
• weigh the patient down with disturbing news or problems of your own

God wants to use your brokeness

I feel confident in saying that at some point in life every person reading this book has felt the sting of hurt caused at the hand of another. We have all experienced brokenness and most have endured the deep inner wounding of betrayal.

If you take a look at the book of Genesis you will read about a young man named Joseph who was betrayed and hurt over and over and over again. Not by strangers but by those closest to his heart. Those he ate dinner with every night and played tag with every day. Those he loved and trusted. Over the course of his life Joseph found himself being accused falsely and enduring the pain of betrayal and deceit over and over again.

Somehow through everything Joseph endured, he chose not to have a pity party. He didn't allow himself to slide into depression. He didn't let unforgiveness overtake him. He had every right to become angry and bitter. He had every right to cast his brothers into prison. But he chose to take the high road every time. He chose to serve his King regardless of what was going on around him.

Because of Joseph's attitude and humility, God used Joseph's brokenness to save the lives of thousands. He used Joseph's trials to bring glory to Himself and show His mercy to the Jew and the Gentile.

Because of his obedience to God, Joseph had favor with God and with man. He was reunited with his father and his family. His obedience eventually put him in a high position. He was exalted and there was none above Joseph (Gen 40:39-41). All because he didn't hold onto his right to be angry and bitter.

Yes, we have all endured pain of some sort. But I have yet to meet anyone who has gone through anything equivalent to what Joseph endured.

Married right out of high school, in 1999 I suddenly found myself divorced and a single mom with two teenagers, no job and wondering what I was supposed to do now since I hadn't worked outside of the home for over 20 years. Being instantly thrust into a life of rejection, betrayal and major anger issues (not to mention great financial struggles, and everyday trials like malfunctioning cars, hot tubs and furnaces); life was suddenly very different and my lack of knowledge and resources were a daily reminder of my inadequacies and my dependency on others.

I've had several surgeries in my lifetime and went through natural childbirth with two babies; but nothing quite compares to the pain divorce causes. I vividly remember lying across my bed screaming out to God in pain and fear. I remember pulling my van over on the way to work several times just to throw up because of what was going on inside my heart and soul. I remember the cold knife that pierced my heart whenever I had to sit across a courtroom to fight over material belongings and/or child support with the man I thought I was going to grow old with.

Where was God? Why was He allowing this? Did He even know what was going on? Maybe He didn't even care? I had served Him for about eighteen years at this point. Can't He see my broken heart? Does He know that I lost my home, my children and every sense of security I ever had? Is He ever going to step in and help me or am I truly on my own? Oh God! Where are you?! Why are You so quiet? Is this really how You treat Your children? Because if it is... no thanks!

My daughter went to college, our two Belarusian boys (who visited for the past five summers as a part of the Children of Chernobyl program) flew back home to Belarus and my son, Josh moved in with his father two states away. I got my first job (in 20 years) working in a candy factory; making minimum wage. What a slap to my self esteem as I was now doing the exact same thing I did twenty years earlier when I found out I was pregnant with our first child and we decided I should be a stay-at-home mom. The confusion and anger were difficult to control as I asked God “why.” I had lost everything; my marriage, my children, my financial security, my home, my lifestyle…everything!

Making only minimum wage I wasn’t able to keep up with all the bills and my beautiful log house (with a Jacuzzi in the master bedroom) was scheduled for sheriff sale. But God helped the house to sell to the first person who looked at it. The house sold and I became homeless all in one day. The following day a woman came into the church office to “bless someone with her mobile home.” When I first looked at this FREE 10x50 mobile home, I snobbishly refused to live in such a‘little shoebox.’ A few days later the Lord reminded me of my earlier prayer about ending up in a cardboard box by the river. He said, “If you end up in a cardboard box by the river, it’s because you CHOSE to live there!” I immediately called the woman offering the free trailer and agreed to take it. That little shoebox became a place where I would spend quality time in God’s presence. All these years later, I still have fond memories of my 1 ½ years spent in my beloved shoebox.

Later I was able to purchase a larger home and moved back into the same mobile home park where I lived 20 years earlier in my first marriage. When I asked the Lord why I should have to go back to square one after so many years, He spoke to my heart and said, “This time we’re doing it MY way.” From that moment on I chose to look at my life as an adventure, something new, something God was going to do for me and I chose to believe that since He was in control this time– it was going to be good.

My divorce was final on my son’s 16th birthday. I was sued for child support and they garnished my wages; automatically deducting $286 out of my $400 paychecks every two weeks. During this time I would cry out to God and ask Him “How much more?! What else can possibly be stripped from my life? Haven’t I already lost enough?! When will this end?”

It was during my struggle with losing so much that I lost one of the most precious things I had in my life; my Dad (and best friend). He passed away from Carcinoid Cancer at the age of 61.

About this same time I was diagnosed with Spasmodic Dysphonia. An incurable, rare disease that restricts speech. Instead of vibrating, my vocal chords spasm causing broken speech and breathing. Increased stress, increases symptoms. There is no known cause for SD but many doctors believe it can be brought on by stress. Well hello!

On September 14, 2001, my daughter, Chrissy continued her education in California and I found myself putting her on the first flight in America traveling to California after the terrorist attacks on 9-1-1. Bomb squads and army men escorted a handful of us through the airport; still unsure of how safe it really was to begin flying again. The fear that gripped my heart literally took my breath away and I was frantic about putting her on an airplane in fear of yet another terrorist attack. My pride for her willingness to go was the only thing that allowed me to let her go.

So, yes I understand how Joseph felt. How can someone closest to your heart suddenly become your greatest enemy? What I didn't understand was the link between stress and physical complications. I didn't realize that my emotional pain could very well be the cause of the physical symptoms I was experiencing.

Physicians are beginning to link unforgiveness with many types of disease. They are realizing that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It slowly eats at your soul and destroys your health. The digestive system of an unforgiving person appears to be much more acidic than the digestive system of a person who has learned to forgive and forget.

The person struggling with forgiving another for hurts of the past is far more likely to suffer not only emotionally but physically as well. And it all stems back to our 'rights'. You have every right to hold onto what has happened to you and the hurt you carry. It is your choice to remain in the past instead of trusting in the future.

But those who will not relinquish their 'rights' will also carry insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation, broken relationships, betrayal and backsliding with them (to name a few). Those who refuse to forgive and choose to remain offended will produce hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred and envy. It has wisely been said that hurt people hurt people.

Many times those who have been hurt are oblivious to their condition because they are so focused on the wrong that has been done to them that they don't realize all the pain that surrounds them is a result of their unforgiveness.

I can almost hear those who are reading this chapter saying “Sure! But how do you live a stress free life in such a stressful world?” I wish I had a good answer to that. The only thing I have to offer is to suggest that the more you keep your eyes on Christ and how big He truly is, the smaller your problems seem to be.

Even when you don't understand “why” – keep moving forward. Even when you can't see what God is doing – keep believing that He is moving on your behalf.

Hold onto the promises of the Bible: Genesis 50:18-20 What man intended for evil – God will use it for good. Romans 8:28 ALL things work together for YOUR good. I Peter 4:8 Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]. Luke 6:37-38 Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults — unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."

We often miss the will of God for our lives by deliberately choosing to be disobedient and hold onto our stuff. I vividly remember the day God asked me to begin praying for my ex-husband and his new wife! I couldn't believe He would ask such a hard thing. Admittedly, the first few prayers were short and unconvincing. But as I continued to pray in obedience I found that His request wasn't for my Ex. It was for me. I was the one changed through my obedience. My heart was the one softened. Through those prayers I allowed forgiveness to enter my heart and life.

Do you understand that you can hold back His glory simply by holding onto the things He's asking you to let go of? Why does it come as such a shock when someone hurts us? Don't you realize that rejection and persecution are the prerequisites of promotion.

Have you ever been betrayed? Have you ever felt abandoned? Do you wrestle with self worth? Does it seem like you aren’t as important/valuable as others? Does fear keep you from accomplishing God’s will for your life?

Do you believe God wants to use you? Do you believe you were formed and fashioned for a specific purpose in this lifetime? Then you must relinquish all rights to what you're holding onto. Christ never held onto His rights ~ even unto death. Jesus Christ was totally innocent and sinless. He had every ability and right to say “I'm not going through with this. I'm not dying for this sinful world. This isn't fair! I am the Son of God. I'm not doing this!” But for our sake He didn't hold onto His rights. Instead, out of His great love for you (and for me) He endured the pain for the cross and He endured the stripes that were put on His back for our healing.

Worship is the key. Worship turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. How do you endure great heart ache and betrayal? It's all about living a life of worship.

Living in such a way as to give God ALL the glory. Even through the difficult times. Even when it hurts. Even when you feel misunderstood. Even under great attack. It's all about learning to turn every situation into an opportunity to serve God and worship Him through it. It’s not about how we feel… or what we think.

Are you ready to give up your rights? God wants to use each of your trials for your good and His glory. God wants to use your brokenness. But He can't and He won't until you give up your rights to the things you are holding onto...

Cancer and Goliath

In I Samuel 17:1-58 by simply changing the word Goliath to Cancer and the word Philistines to God’s people, it reads like this:

A very large and powerful giant, [cancer] shouted to [God’s people], “Do you need a whole [congregation] to settle this? Choose someone to fight for you... I defy the armies of the Lord! [God’s people] were terrified and deeply shaken. Basically what [cancer] was saying was, “I dare you to try and stop me! You’re powerless and you will be slave to the fear I cause!”

When David saw [cancer] strutting and challenging the army of God to ‘do something,’ David was filled with righteous indignation. He couldn’t believe that [God’s people] were running away in fear and allowing this [cancer] to continue abusing God’s people. Instead of joining the masses, David said, “Who is this [cancer] anyway? Why is [cancer] allowed to defy the armies of the Living God?”

Despite being told he was ridiculous, too young and powerless against such a [cancer]; David refused to watch [cancer] continue to taunt the people of God. He also refused to fight this battle with the same armor and tactics of those before him. Instead, he picked up five smooth stones and started across the field to destroy Goliath himself.

“You,” David shouted to the [cancer], “come to me with sword, spear and javelin; but I come to you in the name of the Lord Almighty – the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied! Today the Lord will conquer you... and the whole world will know that there is a God! And everyone will know that the Lord does not need weapons to rescue His people. It is His battle, not ours.”
Each of us knows someone who has been affected by the giant of cancer. Many of us have stood by and watched as cancer taunted (and in many cases destroyed) the lives of our loved ones. We understand the helplessness and fear that can cause us to stand in silent disbelief.

Will we continue to remain terrified & shaken? Will we continue to believe we are powerless? Will we agree to be slaves to fear and disbelief? Will we allow cancer to continue strutting around challenging and abusing

God’s people? Or have we had enough?! Are we ready to pick up those five smooth stones and fight in the name of the Lord Almighty?!

After struggling with those questions, I had one final question: what are the five smooth stones we could use to defeat this giant? Following is what I believe the Lord placed on my heart in answer to that question:

STONE #1: Worship. 2 Chronicles 20:1-13 God shows us clearly that the battle was won when King Jehosephat sought God, called for a fast and asked for God’s help. King Jehosephat believed that God was all powerful and nothing was able to withstand against God. He also believed that when he faced disease and cried out to the Lord, God would hear their cry and help them. King Jehosephat understood that he had no power against the enemy but if they kept their eyes on God He would rescue them. Scripture continues by explaining that when the vast army came against Jehoshaphat, he did (3) things; He sought the Lord for guidance, proclaimed a fast, and asked everyone to seek the Lord. Then the Spirit of the Lord came and said, “Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not your’s, but God’s. You will not even need to fight. Take your positions; then stand still and watch the Lord’s victory. He is with you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” Then the worshippers were sent out before the army. As they sang, “Give thanks to the Lord; His faithful love endures forever” God brought confusion in the enemy’s camp and they turned on each other and killed themselves.

STONE #2: Prayer. How can God give us revelation if we are not willing to humble ourselves and seek His direction? Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing ye shall receive. Acts 6:4 But we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word. James 5:15-16 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up.... Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

STONE #3: Time spent in the Word. Where can we find hope and where is our shield? Psalms 119:114 tells us they are both in the Word. What will keep us from stumbling and falling? Psalms 119:11 again points us to the Word. Where do we get direction and revelation for this battle? Psalms 119:105 …in the Word.

STONE #4: Fasting. Matthew 17:21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting. Are we willing to sacrifice our appetite for the sake of the Kingdom? Joel 2:12 Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to Me with all your heart and with fasting and with weeping and mourning. Do you want to see miracles, signs and wonders enough to push yourself away from the table? David picked up five smooth stones ~ but it only took one stone to kill the giant. Will this be the single stone that pierces the skull of the giant?

STONE #5: Practicing/Carrying His Presence. Are you brave enough to do what people think is impossible by determining to live continually in the presence of God? This is only possible by seeking His face and asking Him what His will is. In order to practice and carry His presence you must be prepared for extreme dedication and commitment. This is something that will only come through practice and determination. This will not only change your life but will also change the world around you. I Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing. Not only will you get to know the Father better but you will be lifting the needs of others continually. The more we focus our minds on Christ and train our thoughts towards His thoughts, the easier it will become to remain and even carry His presence to the world around us.

My Question To You Is: Are you willing to pick up these five smooth stones?
What if YOU are the person chosen defeat cancer?
What if it is YOUR hands chosen to bring healing to others?
Are you willing to face the giant?
Are you ready to fight in the name of the Lord Almighty?

If you are, remember that:This is the Lord’s battle, not ours
His victory will cause many to know that there is a God
God doesn’t need weapons to rescue His people from the enemy
He’s only looking for one person to pick up five smooth stones and be brave enough to carry out His plan.

Are YOU that person?

IN CLOSING

Having said everything that's in this book, my dilemma now is: How do I close? What do I say? What was the point to journaling for the past ten years? And since I'm trusting I will be here for another 40 years, there's not enough ink to print all that I've learned (and will continue to learn) through this incredible journey.

Standing at the kitchen sink and looking out, I began to think about everything Joe and I have faced. My list of physical challenges seems limitless: Spasmodic Dysphonia, Carcinoid Cancer, Endometriosis, Gluten Sensitivity, Lactose Intolerance and a recent possibility of Diabetes. Maybe you picture me lying in bed and living a miserable life. Quite honestly, that's exactly how I should be living.

Can I just say that at the beginning of this diagnosis in 2004 you would have been correct. I was in bed a lot and in a lot of pain. But today (close to 10 years later) my life is more full than most people I know. Sure there are occasional down days but if I managed my time and my diet better they would even be fewer in between.

That's just my list of physical challenges. Joe has a list of his own: cirrhosis of the liver, Hepatitis C, and some other issues that are consequences of the choices he made for the first 40 years of his life (that's another book altogether). Add our two lists together and you've got a medical nightmare. Especially when you throw in the fact that neither of us have health insurance.

Standing at the kitchen sink thinking about all of our issues, I realized that living this life with a genuine smile on my face and peace in my heart is not anything I could do on my own. No one knows me better than I do and I know I'm not that strong or that wise or that 'together' to maneuver through this life with victory. Knowing me ~ let me assure you that I would be a nervous, depressed, anxiety ridden mess.

My goal... my dream for this book was to be transparent enough to let you know that if God can walk me (an average everyday Christian) through the 'Big C' diagnosis and everything else in between, He can walk you (or your loved one) through too. My only purpose in spending hours and hours tapping on my computer was to give you the same HOPE that I have.

Without hope we have nothing. Without hope we have no reason to wake up in the morning. Without hope we are at the fate of this cruel and confusing world.

Our Hope is not in a doctor, not in chance or luck, not even in a cure or answer to whatever we are going through. Our Hope is in Someone much bigger, much wiser and all knowing. Our Hope is in Someone Who is walking by our side and guiding us through life daily. Our Hope is that He has a plan and a purpose for everything we go through. Our Hope is that no matter what's going on in our life, He promises that ALL things work together for the good of those who are called according to His purposes. Finally, our Hope is that He is no respecter of persons and if He can walk an ordinary woman named Brenda Lantini through some of the most difficult situations, He will walk you through yours too.

When we are able to grasp the infinite power of the One who created the universe, we realize there's nothing we can (or will) go through that He doesn't already have an answer for. Jesus came to this earth to go through the things that He knew each of us would experience. He came to show us the way. He came to nail all of our sins to a cross. He came to give us eternal life and by His stripes we are healed.

Just as the cross is a symbol of salvation and eternity with Him, the stripes on His back are a symbol of His promise to heal our body.

As I'm typing an old hymn comes to mind.

“My hope is built”

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name. 

 

When Darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood supports me in the whelming flood.

When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. 

When He shall come with trumpet sound, O may I then in Him be found!

Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne!

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand;

all other ground is sinking sand.

I would encourage you to keep your eyes fixed on Him and know that this life is but a vapor. Though we may be outwardly wasting away, we can be renewed day by day in our spirit. What we go through today is temporary and if we intentionally live God's Way, they will achieve an eternal glory that far outweighs what we go through in this life.

Our Hope isn't in the things of this world. We find our hope in the One Who created this world and Who will welcome us into His presence when our days here are over.

Maybe as you're reading this you're thinking “I have no idea what you're trying to say. I don't know this God you are referring to.” If that's you, can I just say “I'm so glad to meet you and would be honored to introduce you to this God that I have referred to throughout this book.”

Many people think that a relationship with God is some type of mystical experience or something that is only available to the very spiritual people. That couldn't be farther from the Truth. I would encourage you to NOT take my word for anything... but to pull out your Bible and begin to search Him out for yourself.

You will find Him in the pages of the Bible and the more you read the closer you will begin to feel His presence. He's not interested in having you 'clean up your act' before you come to Him. He wants you to come just as you are. He will clean you up in His time and in His way. We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. We all need to be cleaned up after being in the presence of a holy God.

Don't let anyone stop you from seeking a relationship with Him. We are all terminal and one day when you stand before Him (and I promise one day you will), you will stand there alone. When He asks why you didn't accept His love, you will have to answer Him by yourself and you won't be able to point a finger at anyone else. You and you alone are the only one who will be able to take responsibility for how you lived this life that was given to you.

Maybe you don't believe in Heaven or Hell. Maybe your thought is “Why would a loving God send people to a place as horrible as Hell?” First let me explain God doesn't send anyone to Hell. That's a choice we each make with our own free will.

Secondly, God is love and His love is perfect. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you MORE... and there is nothing you can do to make Him love you LESS. While we were yet sinners He loved us. His love is unconditional. He loves those who lived their lives serving Him and He loves those who rejected His love and chose to spend eternity separated from Him.

No one is promised tomorrow and if you have never asked Christ to come into your life and forgive you for your sins, let me give you a sample prayer. I say 'sample' because there are no magic words you are about to read. There is no mandated prayer. He isn't interested in what you say as much as He is interested in the attitude of your heart. I would encourage you to read this prayer and then close your eyes and speak from your heart to the God who has been waiting for you to come to Him.

Lord Jesus Christ,

I am sorry for the things I have done wrong in my life. I ask Your forgiveness and now turn from everything which I know is wrong. Thank You for dying on the cross to set me free from my sins. Thank You for the stripes You took to heal my diseases. Please come into my life and fill me with your Holy Spirit and be with me forever.

Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Amen.